Unhinged boss that is in unreported abusive marriage is wrecking workplace morale. Now she wants to bring her husband on company teambuilding retreat.

Question

What do I do? I'm second in command and am worried that him tagging along could be dangerous and definitely counterintuitive to a team building weekend. He seems to have given her an ultimatum that either she doesn't go, or he comes with her. I've suggested I did not think it was a good idea for him to come and listed viable reasons. She then said she would not be attending. I'm am hearing through the grapevine that maybe they may be late additions and I don't know how to handle it. Shared bus ride for 4 hours, group retreat, some employee rooms are even adjoining to 'hers.'

Keri Wilson · Answer

Are you the HR department?  Do you have an HR Department?  My initial thought is to talk to HR to make sure everyone (all team members) is clear on conduct at the event. I'm assuming no one else is bringing a spouse/guest.  If that's the case, and there are no activities for spouses, maybe make it clear that non-team members are not to attend certain activities - like the work stuff.   Stick to the business at hand and the agenda you planned and try not to worry about things that haven't happened yet.  Your job is to create and hold the space for your team to get connected, excited, and motivated about their purpose and goals, and hopefully have a little fun.  Hopefully once it starts, everyone will be too busy to notice an extra person at breakfast and dinner.   Good luck!

Maggie B · Answer

It sounds like the best option would be for her to stay home and get her house in order, and then maybe attend a post-retreat happy hour to be brought up to speed.  Were I one of your employees, I'd be okay with leadership bowing out and allowing the rest of the company some time to grow and develop together without also dealing with the personal issues happening outside the office.

Anonymous · Answer

I would say that you may be in a situation where you simply have to take a stand if you care about the well-being of your company and you think your boss' behavior and choices are going to negatively impact your employees. I am assuming that you report to this person but this issue is larger than the reporting relationship -- this may have to go beyond HR and even up to the board if you have one...I can't quite understand how damaging this would be to the company and I suspect from the details you're providing that this is pretty complicated.

Anonymous · Answer

Update: We are a smaller company, there is an HR partner, but is far removed from our day to day.  It's my boss' company and she basically runs the show. HR really only helps with onboarding.

I have a close relationship with her and I will continue to vote against his attendance, but I'm not sure she'll listen. I know she realizes bowing out is the only appropriate course of action. She however is not in a great decision-making state.  
I appreciate your advice, keep it coming!

Unhinged boss that is in unreported abusive marriage is wrecking workplace morale. Now she wants to bring her husband on company teambuilding retreat.

You're invited.

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