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Kateri E. Bitzel
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42
11/26/19 at 9:34PM UTC
in
Career

Older, Not Eye Candy, but Highly Experienced & Credentialed

I am a certified professional paralegal, with many years under my belt. I have advanced to my professional organization's certification board as a question writer (we write the books and exams for certification). I'm also 58, age has not been kind, and I have some health issues (specifically, 2 heart attacks, Stage 2 Chronic Kidney Disease, Thyroid Disease and Fibromyalgia). I do NOT share my health concerns at work, unless absolutely pinned to the wall. I don't require a health benefit - my husband is retired military, and I'm fortunate enough to be on his plan. All that being said, we just got married last Christmas Eve. I moved to his home, from Arizona to Indiana, and was fortunate enough to negotiate a deal with my then-employer for part-time remote work with him. That has been great, but have still needed extra income. I was able to get a job in June, but was fired 27 days later for being "too slow" (2 attorneys, filing, phones and reception work!). I was finally able to secure another job starting Tuesday, November 12, with a 30 probation. I was told, several times, that if I saw anything that could be made better, go ahead and do it. This was for a partner in a firm - an elderly partner. The first day, I went in with my cane because we had had a heavy snowstorm and the sidewalks were very icy - I didn't want to fall. I started getting questions about my mobility from this partner, and just told him the sidewalks are icy and I didn't want to fall. That raised some red flags with me. Wednesday was okay. Thursday, remembering I had been encouraged to take the initiative, I started cleaning up the computer. Friday, I was fired - precisely for taking the initiative as I had been encouraged to do. Their ad has now been on Indeed since the 15th - seems they're not getting a lot of response. When we married, I told my husband it would be difficult to get a job 1) in the small town we live in - only 11,000 people; 2) at my age and 3) precisely because I'm NOT eye candy. I still work remotely for my Arizona employer but they now have a part-timer who is destroying the practice. Because she was hired by one attorney, the other attorney is hands off - the one I work with. We still need the extra income, so depression has set in - 27 days at one job, 3 at another. In hindsight, the questions regarding my health on the first day should have alerted me something was up. I suspect the partner was looking to fire me from that point, but couldn't do it legally on health issues, particularly since they weren't covering me. The initiative issue proved convenient as he could say I mis-interpreted what he said in the interview. How does one handle this kind of rejection when it seems bosses would prefer eye candy and no experience, to seasoned and well experienced (I don't like "senior" but prefer "seasoned"). How do you push on and get through it? This kind of rejection?

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Kateri E. Bitzel
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42
12/02/19 at 6:33PM UTC
Thank you, ladies. HoosierLawGal - what part of Indiana?
Anonymous
12/02/19 at 5:52PM UTC
ladies, I don't have any specific advice to add to the conversation, though at 52 and facing the end of my current role due to restructure, I certainly empathize. My main comment is that this exchange is *exactly* what Fairygodboss means to me - smart, competent women supporting one another with humour, advice and a good dose of reality. Thank you for making this network a great place!
LT Seattle
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78
PM in Seattle
11/28/19 at 5:35AM UTC
Amazing! There are two overqualified women in Indiana, willing to work and unable to find gainful employment. It is a phenomenon. Please see my comments above - as they most definitely apply to you as well. I am not in law, but I find myself in a similar situation. I am sure we are in good company, unfortunately that does not make the situation better. Looking at history, we are similar to the previous generation that struggled during the Industrial Revolution. Hopefully, we have learned the lessons history has taught us. Let’s hope we can pull through. Best to you, LT
Trista Larson
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32
Small town girl pursuing a big dream...
11/27/19 at 1:12PM UTC
Hi Kateri! I too agree with LT - LOVE LOVE LOVE the headline!!!! This may sound awful but so glad to hear about your situation.....only in the sense that I’m in almost the exact same one as you! I am also highly experienced and credentialed as well, but I actually have my JD. I’ve been looking for, and of course interviewing for, almost 2 years now - since February 2018 :( I’ve lost everything, have depression and literally hit rock bottom, but somehow still keep going. I’ve had to go back to serving part-time though just to have a little money, but had neck surgery 3 years ago so it’s much more hard on my body than it was 10 years ago. I don’t discuss any health issues either, but the “nail in my coffin” during an interview comes when I’m asked why I’m not licensed & do I plan on taking the bar exam. I’m truthful & say not anytime in the near future, but as soon as I say yes in anyway, the interviewer checks out. If I’m lucky, I’ll either hear from them with a rejection email in a week or two, but 85% of the time, I won’t even hear back from anyone. And just like you, I’ve seen TONS of jobs reposted that I interviewed for - several of them I’ve even seen reposted multiple times! Just so you know you’re not alone, I 100% feel your frustration!!!!!! And coincidence has it that I too live in Indiana! If you’d like to reach out to me, I’d love to get to know you better & chat with you in more detail ?
Kateri E. Bitzel
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42
11/27/19 at 12:02AM UTC
Thank you LT! My husband and I will have our first anniversary Christmas Eve. BUT...we actually met in 1985, through a mutual friend, who knew my now-husband and his then-wife needed a babysitter for their Thursday bowling nights. His middle son is the same age as my oldest. So, essentially, I was the baby-sitter! We stayed in contact all those years, best friends, and after he married his second wife, I flat told him, IF you are EVER available again, IT'S MY TURN! Well, last August, his wife of 25 years dumped him and moved in with another man. After being his shoulder to cry on, he remembered my "threat" - and we were married Christmas Eve. I got lucky with him - how many others can say they've married their best friends - and mean it? He just tells everyone he married the babysitter! :) I have contacted my boss - good grief, we're in contact all day long! and told him I'm fed up with this craziness and if he knows any other attorney looking for a work-at-home person. He would LOVE to take me on full-time, even from a distance, but there are some things that have to be done in-house. He's also contemplating a raise at the beginning of the year because his practice has EXPLODED. I was with him 2 years before I married, and with the senior partner of the firm for 2 years BEFORE that - this boss is actually the successor attorney to the first boss. I've tried everything I know to get this person warned and written up - she is truly a danger to the practice. Because the first boss' wife hired her, 2nd boss doesn't want to step on her toes. However - just this week - and it's only Tuesday - she scheduled a deposition at the same time boss is in court for a trial; didn't notify the client what documents we needed, didn't file documents timely and the judge sanctioned us, and set an office conference for this client without telling the client, or calendaring it - this is all the same case! A second case, she didn't calendar a deadline; consequently, we missed the deadline and the judge 1) ruled against us and 2) dismissed the case. I'm really hoping this wakes him up! Because of her actions, he can potentially be sued for malpractice in 2 cases!
LT Seattle
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78
PM in Seattle
11/28/19 at 5:27AM UTC
Wow. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Your boss is not making it any easier. And yet, you handle it all in stride - because it is a Them problem, not a You problem. I know that for me - these past four years of not working have stressed me out so badly, I haven’t been able to enjoy the time off. Who wouldn’t want time to read, shop, enjoy their dogs, get the last 15lbs off, meditate, do crafts...whatever relaxed, enlightened people do. Nope not me. I spent every waking moment, and sleepless night working myself up into a tizzy, making myself sicker. Wasting my days, paralyzed. I hope that you can take some of this time to at least prioritize your health, your new relationship, refocus your career, whatever! Then...get busy. Since you know you probably need more flexible, remote work, have you thought about how your skills can translate to that? Maybe take a course. Online teaching. Technical writing. E-Discovery. Babysit Dogs. Become a beekeeper. Bees are essential to our eco-environment. -Seriously. No matter what, you can and will trudge forward. Also- consider looking at Paysa. Input your skill set, experience, etc. try different titles. For example, in Seattle, an Executive Assistant can easily make 80k. Perhaps you are selling yourself short. Take care! LT
LT Seattle
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78
PM in Seattle
11/26/19 at 11:41PM UTC
First, let me just say I love your headline. This tells me that you do have a sense of humor. You don't say how long you have been with your now husband, but being a military spouse myself, I know that we are expected to take a lot of things in stride, often with a sense of humor. It can all pile on, especially when you don't feel good and there is not a damn.thing.you.can.do.about.it. Unfortunately - that includes your health and looks - although your husband seems to think you are pretty cute. ;-) In addition to your stellar sense of humor and excellent choice in men - it is also apparent that you have a keen ability to see reality for what it is. You very succinctly described your situation in your post. In doing so, you have laid out the exact reasons that, due to circumstances beyond your control, you are unable to secure a SECOND job in addition to your first job, as well as the reasons that you should not blame yourself, and also the reasons that despite knowing better, you went ahead a took the chance on not one, but two job opportunities despite the writing on the wall - which tells me that YOU ARE EMPLOYABLE. So, with that said, remind yourself that; 1. you are beautiful (at 58, you bagged yourself a military man?! your husband obviously thinks you are a hottie.) 2. you are employable (you have a job, and despite living in a small town, got two jobs back to back...be a little more choosy next time and more upfront about your health) 3. be kind to yourself (you did after all have 2 heart attacks, Kidney Disease, Thyroid Disease, and Fibromyalgia...and you are not a spring chicken...) You live in a small town...maybe time to look at other remote work. Maybe talk to your remote boss. Ask of they can recommend another firm that could use your services. As a paralegal you have stellar writing and research skills. You could help people do wills, etc. Do some freelance work. Or take a break! You deserve it! Hugs! LT.

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