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Anonymous
02/24/20 at 4:36PM UTC
in
Career

Dysfunctional Team

I just had my annual review (results impact salary raise), & was given conflicting feedback. For example: “She asks for clarifying information & gets things accomplished for patients, but could be softer when she collaborates with others,” “Sheks amazing to work with, intelligent, cooperative, efficient,” followed by another person’s statement, “ She can be intimidating in her manner.” I find my Director to be quite passive-aggressive and oddly vindictive, and difficult to get a clear answer from. She was also given incorrect information from one of our receptionists, who gossips about people in the company & has spread lies in the past. I asked how I could improve for my next review and was told to, “Check my tone and body language.” I find this enormously unhelpful. Do I go above her head to find more direct advice? I work in the medical field and her director is much more direct.

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MARCIA BOWEN
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12
02/29/20 at 4:37PM UTC
I too have experienced this same culture. In my situation, the real issue was initiating change in a change adverse culture. I too am significantly older, questioned everything, was “east coast’ in a ”west coast” culture, but had the added stigma of being from the South. While each characteristic was different, the cumulative was too much. I was bullied, ridiculed and eventually dismissed. My advise is to find a culture that treasures differences and you. Maintain your integrity and accountability , do not shame others, and be the person that you want for your patients.
Anonymous
02/29/20 at 3:57PM UTC
I've been on the other side of this kind of communication, including the passive aggressive and unclear part, unfortunately, and my experience was that it's very hard to talk about tone with an employee who is fantastic in many ways but who sometimes rubs other people the wrong way. I'm working hard to be more direct, and I do think it's the supervisor's responsibility, not the employee's, to facilitate and model direct communication. That said, my guess would be that the supervisor is afraid of you lashing out if you receive direct criticism, or arguing against it. I agree with the commenters above that if you're open to trying to change, it might be good to do some work on how you communicate with others, and maybe you'll find your supervisor being less passive aggressive over time. That said, it's not your fault or responsibility that she can't communicate directly, and it's too bad. Should you ask the director above her? Not knowing the politics of your workplace it's hard to say, but I think that could be a really good idea.
Sydney Susan Hart
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153
02/29/20 at 3:34PM UTC
Don’t fret over your performance review. Just be yourself! If you’re going to be dammed, you might as well be damned for who you are.
Rosalyn Johnson
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132
02/29/20 at 3:21PM UTC
Oh I am right there with you. I can be very nice with my tone, very understanding with my clients, but utterly lacking in that with co-workers. It is two different masks. Sometimes it's deliberate because I feel like otherwise I get passed over, sometimes it's stress, sometimes it's because I feel like I answered the question 10 times already. Being a woman plays a large impact in how I am perceived and ironically how I perceive others. I know there is an assertive woman at my company I wouldn't work for because that assertiveness comes too hard and fast and doesn't work for me. But I want people to respect me and only a few role models are women for me. Sometimes, I adopt more stereotypically masculine boss techniques (as seen on movies) in hopes I'll be listened to
Anonymous
02/28/20 at 2:40PM UTC
I worked for years as a Practice Manager and had a Physician Assistant who sounds a lot like you! She was a fantastic provider, advocating fiercely for her patients. She was intelligent and committed! But where she sometimes fell short was in her communication with staff members. Her frustration over a situation or process carried over in her communication to those trying to help her achieve her goals. My advice... Check your tone and delivery before you convey your request or message. The message can be the same, but the delivery makes a huge difference in how the information is received. Also keep in mind that in a medical setting, nurses and receptionists are often trying to take direction from multiple angles -- patients, family members, and other providers -- and they take the brunt of a lot of anger and frustration. Remember your audience and adjust your delivery, not necessarily the message. Your situation sounds like just some small improvements in communication and delivery would yield big results. I've seen it happen.
User deleted comment on 02/29/20 at 4:15AM UTC
Rose Holland
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935
02/24/20 at 5:51PM UTC
I have received feedback almost word for word with what you shared here. I am not a 'people person' and have had to really work on these skills. Getting the job done is not enough, being able to understand others and help everyone collaborate is essential no matter what field you are. A great place to start is "Emotional Intelligence 2.0". This is a great book that can assist you with this. It was an eye opener. I realized my focus on getting the job done and desire to understand the why was really getting in the way of developing the positive relationships I need with my peers. My change has been noticed and provided benefits I did not expect to include much improved working relationships that help me get the job done. I would also suggest you ask for a mentor. Ask your supervisor to recommend someone at your company at his/her level or higher that might be a good fit.
Bobbie Salveson
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21
02/24/20 at 7:48PM UTC
Hi Rose! Thanks for the comment. A few differences - but kind of illuminating - I AM a people person - very strong extrovert. I will admit that when I know something CAN be done, and it is a personality issue that is the roadblock, I can be a bit passionate. Never mean, never belittling, but I will persist until something happens. 100% of the time, it is for timely patient care. What has happened (or at least what it feels like to me) is that the people providing "anonymous feedback," know that something beneficial was accomplished, faster and safer than they expected (because I asked a number of questions to ascertain what the fears or uncertainties were and addressed them) and now I'm being rewarded by descriptions of their discomfort on my annual performance review. I have asked that if issues arise that I am given an opportunity to improve during the year rather than waiting for my annual review. My supervisor is less than helpful, so I'm asking others who know me better what I can do to improve. I also think part of this is a power dynamic. I am the oldest person in my work group and am also a nurse practitioner versus an MD. I also am much more "east coast" than "west coast," in my approach to tasks. (Direct vs. passive) All that being said, I do want to improve, but if "being softly collaborative," compromises my patients, I absolutely can't do that...
Anonymous
02/28/20 at 1:51PM UTC
And you absolutely shouldn't. I'd start keeping a record of accomplishments achieved because of your style, and have it with you for the next review. That said, you might see if you can get a copy of the National Conflict Resolution Center's training on "The ARTful Conversation." It can be very helpful for understanding different communication styles (you mention direct versus passive) and how these different styles can work together.
MichelleW
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180
Worked several positions in the wastewater field
02/29/20 at 2:44PM UTC
I'm going to chime in here Rose. I can see why you don't feel like the way you might approach things should be the issue and was kinda wondering until I read that your extroverted.... I'm a very direct, "let's get it done" type person AND an introvert. I frequently find effects to be rude, pushy, bossy, and very much unwilling to ACTIVELY listen to others. And it's really hard to tell them anything because they think they are such great people persons and they seem to think they are great listeners. At least this has been my experience. A highly extroverted person can make my day very unpleasant. I'm guessing you might be seeing the differing comments because others may be more like me while some are more your personality type. I would suggest reading the book mentioned above as well. I hear good things about for all personality types (but keep forgetting to write it down... So doing that next. :| ). Another comment I will frequently hear is something about how I just need to adjust to others extroverted behavior ( usually by an extrovert) and that just poses me off- why should I have to be the only one who has to change something? Answer- I shouldn't. Any kind of relationship, including work ones-should be a team effort with both sides adjusting their behaviors/ way they do things a bit so they meet each other in the middle. To not do so is pretty self centered and egotistical from a personal view point and from an HR view, not doing so by one makes them less favorable for things like promotions, no matter how good they are at a specific job.

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