Dysfunctional Team

Question

I just had my annual review (results impact salary  raise), & was given conflicting feedback. For example: “She asks for clarifying information & gets things accomplished for patients, but could be softer when she collaborates with others,” “Sheks amazing to work with, intelligent, cooperative, efficient,” followed by another person’s statement, “ She can be intimidating in her manner.”  I find my Director to be quite passive-aggressive and oddly vindictive,  and difficult to get a clear answer from. She was also given incorrect information from one of our receptionists, who gossips about people in the company & has spread lies in the past. I asked how I could improve for my next review  and was told to, “Check my tone and body language.” I  find this enormously unhelpful. Do I go above her head to find more direct advice? I work in the medical field and her director is much more direct.

Rose Holland · Answer

I have received feedback almost word for word with what you shared here. I am not a 'people person' and have had to really work on these skills. Getting the job done is not enough, being able to understand others and help everyone collaborate is essential no matter what field you are.  A great place to start is 'Emotional Intelligence 2.0'. This is a great book that can assist you with this. It was an eye opener. I realized my focus on getting the job done and desire to understand the why was really getting in the way of developing the positive relationships I need with my peers. My change has been noticed and provided benefits I did not expect to include much improved working relationships that help me get the job done.

I would also suggest you ask for a mentor. Ask your supervisor to recommend someone at your company at his/her level or higher that might be a good fit.

Anonymous · Answer

I worked for years as a Practice Manager and had a Physician Assistant who sounds a lot like you!  She was a fantastic provider, advocating fiercely for her patients.  She was intelligent and committed!  But where she sometimes fell short was in her communication with staff members.  Her frustration over a situation or process carried over in her communication to those trying to help her achieve her goals.  My advice... Check your tone and delivery before you convey your request or message.  The message can be the same, but the delivery makes a huge difference in how the information is received.  Also keep in mind that in a medical setting, nurses and receptionists are often trying to take direction from multiple angles -- patients, family members, and other providers -- and they take the brunt of a lot of anger and frustration.  Remember your audience and adjust your delivery, not necessarily the message.  Your situation sounds like just some small improvements in communication and delivery would yield big results.    I've seen it happen.

MARCIA BOWEN · Answer

I too have experienced this same culture. In my situation, the real issue was initiating change in a change adverse culture.  I too am significantly older, questioned everything, was “east coast’ in a ”west coast” culture, but had  the added stigma of being from the South. While each characteristic was different, the cumulative was too much. I was bullied, ridiculed and eventually dismissed.  My advise is to find a culture that treasures differences and you. Maintain your integrity and accountability , do not shame others, and  be the person that you want for your patients.

Sydney Susan Hart · Answer

Don’t fret over your performance review. Just be yourself! If you’re going to be dammed, you might as well be damned for who you are.

Anonymous · Answer

I've been on the other side of this kind of communication, including the passive aggressive and unclear part, unfortunately, and my experience was that it's very hard to talk about tone with an employee who is fantastic in many ways but who sometimes rubs other people the wrong way. I'm working hard to be more direct, and I do think it's the supervisor's responsibility, not the employee's, to facilitate and model direct communication. That said, my guess would be that the supervisor is afraid of you lashing out if you receive direct criticism, or arguing against it. I agree with the commenters above that if you're open to trying to change, it might be good to do some work on how you communicate with others, and maybe you'll find your supervisor being less passive aggressive over time. That said, it's not your fault or responsibility that she can't communicate directly, and it's too bad. Should you ask the director above her? Not knowing the politics of your workplace it's hard to say, but I think that could be a really good idea.

Rosalyn Johnson · Answer

Oh I am right there with you. I can be very nice with my tone, very understanding with my clients, but utterly lacking in that with co-workers. It is two different masks. Sometimes it's deliberate because I feel like otherwise I get passed over, sometimes it's stress, sometimes it's because I feel like I answered the question 10 times already. Being a woman plays a large impact in how I am perceived and ironically how I perceive others. I know there is an assertive woman at my company I wouldn't work for because that assertiveness comes too hard and fast and doesn't work for me. But I want people to respect me and only a few role models are women for me. Sometimes, I adopt more stereotypically masculine boss techniques (as seen on movies) in hopes I'll be listened to

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