I think I'm being mommy-tracked at work and it's incredibly frustrating.

Question

I'm two months back from maternity leave and putting in the same hours as I used to but I'm getting these subtle signs that I'm not taken as seriously -- ranging from not being asked about wanting to spearhead things to the stink eye when I walk out the door (at the same time I roughly used to leave the office). What should I do?

Anonymous · Answer

Try to determine if this is a false perception-based judgement or to what degree it may be true (on your part, and/or the part of colleagues and managers). 

Prepare with data on comparable hours worked, job achievements or goal metrics, and any other aspect you believe will portray an accurate record of your pre- and post-maternity leave professional profile. 

Examine whether this data shows a divergence in performance, etc., and whether it reinforces or refutes your perceptions or those of your colleagues/managers. 

Then determine if you want to do the work of addressing any issues or trends that may be revealed by the data... 

This may be an re-calibration of your perceptions or asking for a meeting with your manager to state your interest in being considered for project lead. Managers occasionally need an explicit reaffirmation of employee commitment for various reasons, but know your own boundaries and aspirations prior to beginning the conversation. 

Regardless, maintaining a professional attitude and approach to the subject is critical and could potentially benefit you later (being remembered as someone who handled a potentially charged situation tactfully and professionally is never a weakness).

Anonymous · Answer

This happened to me when I had my second child.  My childless female boss kind of unilaterally started shutting me out of meetings and discussions, and things devolved from there.  I lasted there three more years but was the first one let go when the (small) company downsized.  It was definitely discriminatory but at the same time I have to own that I could have handled things differently.  Part of your feelings may be entirely internal, because you have undergone a radical internal shift and you know in your heart that your priorities have changed, even if you ability and interest in your career haven't.  Consider that you are still super hormonal and maybe too sensitive as a result.  And realize that your co-workers do not care At All about your bundle of joy, it's health and milestones, whether you got three hours sleep, etc.  Even if THEY are the ones who ask you about it.  I would advise you to keep any and all mommy talk out of the office, as much as humanly possible.  It sucks, but not everyone is evolved enough to deal with the fact that you can do both jobs.  Hopefully as time goes on you will have an opportunity to show them.

Anonymous · Answer

Agree on the communication - at the appropriate levels.  Coworkers may think they are being helpful by not putting you in the hot seat and not thinking that YOU need to make the choice.  Be clear about your limits and your flexibility and never feel perturbed to raise your hand for what you are good at.  BUT , be sure you are not over-committing. You became a parent to make building your family a priority.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree that communication is key. If you feel a shift or a change, it may be your co-workers or it may be something you are feeling. There has been so many times in my career when I was over sensitive and read wrong signals. Being a mom, your priorities have changed like all of us moms, so maybe you are sensing something that isn't there. If it is there than you need to address it professionally, as it's not a good environment for you.

Anonymous · Answer

Communicate more! Maybe people are not sure what you are interested in doing now. Try putting yourself forward in projects.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m sorry you’re getting these unhelpful responses. Unfortunately negative attitudes towards mothers are still prevalent in the workplace. Employers with cultures that demand devotion to the company above family, personal life, and all else have made basic human acts like caring for children a “problem”. If you’re in that situation, you have a few options: discuss your desire to take on more responsibility with your supervisor, keep your head down and hope for change, or begin searching for a new position. If you feel that you’re experiencing true discrimination (meaning adverse action that you can clearly link to your parental status), you should speak with an employment lawyer or your union, if you’re lucky enough to have one.

Anonymous · Answer

Part of 'equality in the workplace ' is alleging women to prioritize their families .  I had to go back to management three separate times to get time off for my daughter's senior college recital.  This is unfair.

Anonymous · Answer

Your kid now comes first and everyone in the office knows it. You no longer leave 'roughly' you leave promptly because you need to pick your kid up, regardless of whether or not you finished your work. You're getting the stink-eye because other people are picking up your slack.

Anonymous · Answer

stop feeling sorry for yourself and looking to find reasons to feel maligned.

I think I'm being mommy-tracked at work and it's incredibly frustrating.

You're invited.

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