I have gone through a major mental transition and those close don't like it, or are jealous of it
retired auditor now into volunteering
December 26,2019 at 7:08PM UTC
I had a major medical issue about 15 years ago that lead me to find out that I had mental illness that was the root of the medical condition. Take care of the mental problem and the medical problem would subside. It took me 9 years of talk therapy to win the war on mental illness. I am now the commander of what once controlled me. It was a very hard war to fight but I prevailed and won. Like the song goes; " Oh what a feeling!" I am now and have been going on twelve years now a completely different person than I was before. More confident, wiser, more knowledgeable in so many areas. Listen and talk to people about what interests them and learn about them, the shyness is no where to found. Yet my immediate family does not know how to approach me. I tell them what I have been doing. I do a great deal of volunteering and going to seminars of various subjects. But the reactions I get is blank stares and ridicule over something minor. My creativity has come out more not and I have been sharing it. Yet, when I do share it with family, someone is bound to find a missing period or a word with one too many "e's". They will dwell on that instead of the story. The one time I was a volunteer for a community mural that was being made for the community library. It is to measure 30ft wide and 10 ft long. An artist drew the outline and the volunteers of all ages are putting pieces into place. I showed a family member what it will look like upon completion and all they said was the drawing look juvenile. Anyone could have drawn that, Not one positive word about the scene or the subjects in the scene. Nothing about how big it is and how long it will take or even question on how we are doing it. Just the juvenile statement. I have also been volunteering coming up on 10 years now on a Keep America Roads Clean Campaign by having a crew of four including me go out with safety orange vests, a caution sign, and lookouts and we go along a designated road and pickup all the trash and litter that people toss out of their cars. You would be shocked of what we have gathered. I do it because of the mess and it looks disgusting. Yet, my family forbids from me doing it because the road is a popular road. They never asked about our safety guidelines and how we handle the traffic, or even how long we are out there. They just forbid us without facts.
Recently I ran into a financial snafu. In the past it sounds terrible but with my situation it isn't as bad as it sounds. Besides I am not that disturbed by it. This is one of the tricks I was taught so I do not get so upset my mental problem does not come back. I have to stay in control of the situation. So what do I do, I investigate what has been going, said and my records. I do simple research. That is probably the one great things of the internet, if you know the difference between legitimate websites and bad ones, you can learn a great deal on line. Especially information you never had access to before. I research, and re-research again to verify.
When I told my family because I need a ride I was jumped on and screamed at like I murdered someone and blamed them. I really don't thing they understood what I said and I think my calm demeanor gives them impression that I do not care.
My issue is, how do I handle the family now that they are not believing anything I say, have the impression I do not know something about anything and barely talks to me unless they really have to and even then it is a struggle. I know this sounds like a soap opera but I worked very hard to achieve what I did and I am the only member of the entire extended family to go through something like this, I would think a very positive attitude and calming manner would be welcoming.
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I recently left a job at a Director level where a colleague (another Director) had bullied me and was aligned with the CEO (they are friends).
She spent a lot of time discrediting me and had done the same to others and driven out other employees that didn't bend to her will. It was a deeply demoralizing experience and I finally quit after having a sick parent and getting no support and being treated pretty ruthlessly. I'm glad I quit - and I'm starting my search...but the experience has really deeply affected my self confidence and my belief in my skills. I know I did a lot there and built many great things - but I'm struggling with pulling myself back up again. I wonder if anyone else has dealt with a situation like this and has any tips for moving forward again.
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I just had a situation happen with my direct report that is honestly mind-blowing.
I've been a supervisor for years, and I'm currently in a role where I just have one direct report. I hired her late last year, and she started at the end of January. It's a small office, with almost everyone hybrid. I usually try to establish a good rapport with my direct reports and co-workers. I've always felt like work is a lot more enjoyable when you're friendly with each other. That said, I also know how to keep professional boundaries and address issues as soon as they arise.
I've tried to be a good boss and possible mentor to my employee since she started. She originally moved to the area with a significant other. When they broke up, she did share that information with me. I did not tell anyone in the office, as it was not anyone's business. We had set up a monthly "offsite" meeting where we would leave at about 3 pm on a Friday for a happy hour as a chance to have a chance of scenery, talk, etc. My boss was aware of it and thought it was a great idea that he wanted to implement across the department. Other than that, the only time we've ever "hung out" outside of work was before she and her boyfriend broke up. I invited them out to dinner with my spouse months ago.
She had been acting weird this week; I asked on Monday if everything was ok, and she said yes. Not the first time she's been moody with me. I've also had to talk to her about having "outbursts" in meetings where she disagreed; that's happened when other individuals have been involved, not just her and I.
Today, she asks if I had a minute on messenger and I asked her what's up. She then calls me and proceeds to tell me the following: That she's been in therapy (which she had told me), that she had issues with boundary setting with her ex, that she's not currently speaking to her mother...so she "needs me to set firm professional boundaries with her." Then she proceeds to say some of our conversations "take a toll" on her because she "puts others' needs before her own." I responded that I respected what she was saying but did ask for clarification about the conversations. She just repeated what she said.
I'm going to respect what she said, but I'm 1) saddened by this, 2) angry to a certain degree because I'm being made to feel as if I did something wrong, 3) disappointed that this individual obviously lacks the maturity to understand how important relationships can be in your career. I'm also worried I am going to feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her.
I do want to clarify that I don't get super personal with her. She knows about my professional background, that I'm married and have 4 cats. She has been the one to share a lot of personal information. I've kept anything she's told me confidential and just told her when she was having difficulty to let me know how I could support her. I have really not tried to get involved other than if she needed to work remotely or have some time off to take care of personal things. I'm also disappointed because I have spent a lot of time teaching and training this person in an area that they had limited experience in. Again, I don't need her to be my friend or anything like that. I'm just sad because I thought we had a good working relationship and a mentee-mentor thing going on. I don't even know how we're going to have a conversation outside of "Here's your assignment. It's due by Date. Any questions?"
My husband says it sounds like something going on with her. I've never seen myself as a transactional leader, but obviously, that's what she has indicated that she wants and I have to respect that.
Any advice for further navigating this?
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Are you a stay-at-home parent or caregiver getting ready to jump back into the workforce?
As a stay-at-home mom myself, I've been in this situation several times. And it's damn scary. Especially when it comes to updating your resume and cover letter.
However, if you are thinking about sending a generic letter to save time, I would advise you to reconsider.
Check out a recent article from our blog that highlights a simple process for writing a targeted, back-to-work cover letter:
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About a month ago I was let go from a position for violating HIPAA (accidental form checking in my training) and for being "too slow".
I am over 60 btw. I took an alternate to the posiition I had applied for because of the information given to me, which, I quickly learned, was an out and out lie. I needed employment at the time, but I do think they were gunning for me from the get go, as they let me go the week before my 90 days were up. I have seen so many dysfunctional medical practices out there and wonder if I should just forget about trying to work in one at all. Are any of them not toxically positive, as this place was, or just some other nightmare?
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Hi All - I wanted to share about a substack I'm writing called Memoirs of a Working Girl.
Personal work and life ruminations, critiques, and commentary.
I wanted to share in case anyone was looking for a fun read:
*please let me know if such a post is not allowed
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I struggle with some challenges in self-worth based on others perceptions. While i'm working on it - it will be a lifelong challenge.
I was hoping for some insight. I started at an organization that it didn't take long to see that it was a toxic work environment. I was seen as a threat by the sales team, and for the five years I was there, I had my ideas stolen, I was challenged at every turn, thrown under the bus and bullied. But let me say - I wasn't alone. They didn't treat anyone in the organization with respect, and unfortunatley upper management failed to address it.
Anyway - I brought in millions of dollars, and the ownership knew that, even though the sales team did all they could to sabotage the data within the CRM - again, management failed to address it. Fast forward, the company is sold. The new company has its own Marketing in another country, and the new leader has NO idea about marketing or how it works. Even though the prior owner told them Marketing was the secret sauce to their success.
I'm out of a job because the new leader was given incorrect data and not all of the data and she didn't feel it was worth it to keep me around. Never once did she ask for my insight, my thoughts on how to get the new brand off and running. She didn't want to hear anything from me. Mind you I had been given free reign to do what I needed to do after submission of my marketing strategy, planning and budget was approved for the year - the new owner micromanged me to death. But again, I wasn't the only one.
In the six months she had me stop doing what I was doing, sales rapidly declined. In the months following my departure it increased, and she didn't understand why it was so slow I was told. Its been almost a year and there is no newly branded website, the sales team doesn't have business cards, no marketing AT ALL has been done. She did hire a contractor that used to work for me back on a project basis to help refresh the website (basically do what I told her she should do), but the cost is minimal.
Why do I feel so rejected that I was the ONLY one to be let go. After all the abuse I had taken and the success I created, despite being loved by everyone else except the sales team, i'm the only one without a job.
If I look back, I can see where she was setting me up to be let go. So I was on the cutting block since day one.
I have to wonder is it this leaders ignorance, or did the sales team have me ousted and she believe them? The biggest scam artist got promoted. I would think maybe she had influence, but it turns out she's being micromanaged way beyond what I was. The new leader is basically telling everyone how to jump, when to jump and how high. If you don't wait for her direction, there will be hell to pay.