Trouble with my coworker

Question

How do I deal with the second-in-command of my company finding ways to question my leadership? She brings a lot of great ideas to the table, she's a passionate and dedicated worker but sometimes I feel she wants to micromanage me. I'm not a micromanager and I find it hard to deal with them when I'm working for them but until now, I've enjoyed having another kind of management on the executive team for some balance. Any advice?

Kaleana · Answer

We did a really great exercise called 'Creating your User Manual' at my company (first with all the managers, and then managers did this with their direct reports), and it was so interesting in helpful! The questions each person filled out and shared were:
- What I value most is:
- The best way to talk to me is:
- What gives me the most enjoyment at work is:
- What frustrated me most at work is:
- How I prefer to deal with conflict is:
- How I want to be informed when things don't go well is:
- My strengths are:
- My weaknesses are:

Particularly for things like 'best way to talk to me', 'dealing with conflict', 'how I want to be informed', I learned a lot about both working better with my manager, and how to work better with my team. It helped a lot of people who need constant reassurance that things are getting done (aka micromanagers), learn how to better talk to each report to make note of their preferences and preferred styles.

Donna Macdonald · Answer

Sometimes the Deputy (2nd in command) is more difficult because she has more to prove.  To be stealth, you first need to find out how others perceive her primarily the boss.  If she's micromanaging you she may be doing the same to others.  Reality check with trusted coworkers or observe carefully.  You have to have savvy and broad understanding in today's work environment.  Depending upon how open she is, call a quick meeting with her and gently tell her you need more rope from her to do your job really well.  See how open she is to backing off a bit.

Yaca Attwood · Answer

I would ask - is your coworker aware of her micromanaging style? And there’s the rub - how would you communicate your feelings to her?  Perhaps ask for a lunch meeting away from the office and tell her you’d like to discuss mentoring styles - how she can best help you, and what you’re looking for?

Anonymous · Answer

Your question is worded a bit ambiguously: are you the owner of the company, or do you report to the 2nd in command? (Asking because some workers use “my” to refer to anyone in their chain of command.)

If you are the company owner: I’d discuss this tactfully with your 2nd in command, especially as you say that she brings many good qualities to the table.  I wouldn’t necessary use the term “micro-manager”, as this is pejorative. Rather, I’d discuss her “detail orientation,” and the type of instances in which you’d like her to pull back on the use of this style in her interactions with you.

Something to consider prior to your discussion : is your colleague’s management style helpful in other aspects of her job? (Often, the #2 job is a detail position and, as you note, it’s good to have different cognitive styles on a leadership team.) If this is the case, make sure you acknowledge the strengths of her detail-oriented approach.

If you report to the #2: this is paradoxical, but the easiest way to deal with micro-managers is to give them what they want. Do your work meticulously, cc them copiously, get advance direction when you are unsure or if a situation is important.  Very often, micro-managers will relax and ease up if they feel that you are reliable.

Melissa Halfon · Answer

Do you have 1:1s meeting with this person? If so, I suggest using this the forum for providing feedback on their way of managing you. If not, set up a meeting specifically for this conversion. Remember to be constructive and provide something more than 'you're a micromanager', but rather, let them know how their actions are potentially stifling your work. Come prepared with ideas for how they might mange you differently . If this person wants to be a good leader, they must be good and giving AND receiving feedback.

Trouble with my coworker

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