How do you go about explaining a miscarriage?

Question

My sister just had a miscarriage and I'm heartbroken for her. Friends and family already knew that she was pregnant and she has a 5-year-old she has to somehow explain this to as well. I'm not a mom yet but she's confided in me with the news and doesn't know how to begin to tell others. If the FGB Community has any advice for me to share, I'd absolutely appreciate it! I know miscarriages are actually more common than a lot of us realize and I thought this would be a great place to talk about it.

Katie Eksten Gomez · Answer

As a culture, I feel as though it is more acceptable to talk about now than it ever has been before. Most people know that miscarriages are a result of one of a million reasons and most of them have nothing to do with the fault of the carrier and more with the hormones needed for viability.  Some go unnoticed others happen all too close to viability.

Every carrier must make the decision for themselves when, where and with whom they wish to share their experience. It is THEIR story to tell. I have friends who have never spoken a word ever again about the loss of a pregnancy and others who have named and mourned the loss of their child (to be.) My personal struggle with infertility didn't become comfortable for me to share until after I had successfully carried my son to term.

I don't think there is a best practice on this one.  Science, Spirituality and Grief come to everyone in different proportions. The best thing that I can recommend is to listen. Cry together as needed. But most importantly, just be there.

Nancy McSharry Jensen · Answer

I'm so sorry. Agree, a simple factual approach works best, especially in the workplace. Consider checking out Dr Lora Shahine's book 'Not Broken' on miscarriage and pregnancy loss - it's a great read and she's got great guidance http://lorashahine.com/not-broken

Jenny Willis · Answer

Honesty is the best policy.  I wouldn't sugar coat it, but state the facts.  To adults, a simple 'I miscarried' is sufficient.  For a child, 'Mommy's baby has gone to heaven' should be sufficient.  I suffered from one prior to having my two children, and it's a tough road because the mother often suffers in silence.   Most people will not ask about it once they know it has happened because they often do not know what to say (unless they have also experienced it).

How do you go about explaining a miscarriage?

You're invited.

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