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I did the right thing. But now i am paying the wrong price. Help me please. I am a leader but now, i cant even make a move because my members are against me.
I am 18. People my age are still immature. There is an issue in school about students posting pictures of teachers in a disrespectful way. I have evidences saved in my phone so i turned them in. A few days later, the whole class knew it was me and felt betrayed. I made amends with them and they said it was okay. But it wasnt. I can feel the negative vibes. I made it clear AGAIN that i acknowledge my part of the issue and said sorry for the feelings of betrayal. But the insults kept coming and i dont want to start another none sense issue. I dont want the teachers to know nor my parents. The insults are made as a joke so i cant do much of it. And dont worry, I'll notify an authority figure if its out of my league. But i want to know if i can solve this issue in my own pace.
Please give me an advice and thank you❤
Gretchen OstermanA committed higher education professional
75
09/18/19 at 5:29PM UTC
I echo some of the same thoughts of the other contributors. Parents and teachers would be my first recommendation especially for immediate response. I hope your high school has a school counselor, that individual can provide assistance for this situation. If the behavior continues, you still have options beyond the school and you can request to finish you last year at home through e-learning. This option would not be an extra cost to your parents. Finally, private counseling through your parents health care could be an option for this short term issue. Most plans would provide 5-10 sessions with focus goal planning for the client.
Erika Parker PriceReady Pause Go Podcast Host for Career Pausers
1.07k
09/18/19 at 5:15PM UTC
Good for you! I'm super impressed that you're on a forum like this and seeking support at your age. You have an amazing future ahead of you. My boys are 17 and 19 so I am very familiar with this culture of teens not wanting to be turned in.
My best advice is to hold your head high and keep being exactly who you are. You will likely learn more from this experience than some of the classes you take this year. You're learning who people really are and who you really are. Not everyone is going to like you and that is super hard. I'm your mom's age and that's still hard for me to accept.
The other thing is that this will likely blow over as soon as the next thing comes along. You're the story of the hour, but that will fade.
Find a way to process your feelings on the whole issue. This forum is an excellent place to start, a trusted adult would be another (maybe your parents if you can count on them for support?), and writing your thoughts (privately) can be very liberating as well. I would not hash this out on social media - even if other people try to tempt you to go there. Who knows... maybe there is even a college essay waiting to be born out of this.
And, good call on bringing people in if this escalates in any way. Best of luck to you. Hold your head high.
Gina DiamanteNews Editor at KPBS, San Diego's PBS/NPR station
880
09/18/19 at 3:17PM UTC
People don't like being called out when they're in the wrong. Ya know what? TOUGH! You did right, they did wrong. Consider for a moment how valuable it is to keep associating with people who did wrong. Then think about finding a new social circle that focuses on doing right.
That said: You need to talk with an adult in authority about the bullying. It cannot be allowed to continue.
The good news: After graduation, you won't see most of these people... possibly ANY of these people... ever again. As KatieM said above, believe it or not, down the line you'll be surprised at how UNimportant HS really is. So focus on getting to graduation day.
I'd be most concerned about any of the bullying taking a form that could follow you beyond high school. Doxxing, posting photos that could negatively impact college admissions or jobs, that sort of thing. So please talk to counselor or someone before this rolls even farther out of control.
Katie MaloneSocial Media Manager + Mother to two daughter
1.28k
09/18/19 at 2:26PM UTC
I would tell your parents first and foremost to see if they have any advice. You did the right thing, but unfortunately doing the right thank can make people uncomfortable.
It sounds like you're a senior and you have about 8 months of school left with these people, correct?
I would talk to a school counselor and your parents about the bullying. And see if they can help with any coping mechanisms. Also, REMEMBER... high school does not define your life. I know it might seem like it now, but a few years out you won't miss it. ;-) Hang in there!
Crystal Rhinebergerprofessional rofl nevermind lets just wing it
2.29k
09/17/19 at 8:56AM UTC
Every choice whether right or wrong will bring its own set of consequences. However this doesn’t help in the here and now. Your peers are using a mob approach and none are truly thinking. You need a group that you can discuss and agree with yet this group just wants pitchforks and torches.
You did the honorable thing, a thicker hide maybe needed here, do ask yourself Am I going to be with this group for the next five years? Does my career path make me work with these people? If yes then you definitely have to wait for something to help them mature (usually a traumatic experience that comes w life) in order for them to actually get it.
In the mean time a support group, a trusted individual, and or a therapist to help sort out the emotions that come with all this is a great coping skill
Jennifer A
968
09/16/19 at 4:06PM UTC (Edited)
First of all - WOW! To have the emotional intelligence to put yourself out there like that was so brave! It's never easy to take a stand and you did - so again - WOW!
Two things that I would like to point out.
1. You said it but I would like to extend it ... It's not just 18 year old's that are immature. People in general can be immature. This is something that you will learn to navigate and it looks like you are starting now. My advice - recognize the negative vibes but if you can ignore them. If you continue to apologize for taking a stand and doing the right thing then, in my opinion, you put yourself down.
2. Insults - they are difficult. People who say that words don't hurt are, in my opinion, wrong. Words do hurt. It takes time to grow a thick skin and let them roll off your back BUT they are still there and they can still prick. My best advice, if you can't ignore them then have some practiced replies that you can call on. The goal is to take the high road and if possible, diffuse the insult.
Question - why don't you want teachers and parents to know? If you participated and owned up to it, then good for you for taking responsibility with the school BUT you should also be okay with taking responsibility with parents and those you may have harmed. If you just stood up and said that this is wrong, then you should be proud of what you did.
18 is a tough age - you are an adult BUT you are still learning and growing. You took a stand and now there are consequences. Doing the right thing is often harder than taking the easy way out so be proud of yourself for doing what is right even while understanding that life might suck for a little while. At this point I think the best thing is to hold your head high, keep your eyes open, and be okay with you until others realize that they are the 'stupid heads' :-)
Good Luck!
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