Quitting with no backup

25 Comments

1. AnonymousSeptember 24,2019 at 5:03PM UTC

   I am in a similar situation. I don't have a degree, however, I have roughly 15 years of experience as an administrative assistant. I know rules and regulations. I know office etiquette and politics. Anyway, I have found myself in a toxic environment and the people that I work with have no interest in seeing me grow as an individual or as a professional. I have ups and downs. Some weeks are okay and others are just the absolute pits. I know I have to leave. But I am not able to find myself making that move because I don't have a backup plan. I know I would be able to find something if I devoted my time to do it. But I just am having a really hard time saying that I am going to leave without having another job in advance. At any rate, seeing this post and having some more input would truly help make my decision and would be appreciated immensely.

2. Parm KaurSeptember 25,2019 at 11:47AM UTC

   I have just launched a new ebook,don’t want to be spamming, but also have a free course on teachable which may help? It’s about helping people get out of a rut fast, in 5 days. Check it out on https://LifeChange.teachable.com

3. AnonymousSeptember 24,2019 at 9:57PM UTC

   I entered into an abusive relationship with my last (not current!) employer - I was fresh out of school and eager to begin my job in my field of choice. Unfortunately, because of the high rate of toxic environments/burnout in my industry, I was lead to believe in a 'stick it out' attitude until things got better/I got through the "impostor symdrome phase".

   Well guess what? TOXIC is TOXIC is TOXIC! I left with NO plan B as I was dreading waking up in the morning, gained 30 pounds in the time I worked there (4 months!!!!!!), and watched two employees hired after me walk out. I was having panic attacks before work and waiting for my daily berating from my boss.

   I had to leave. Leaving was scary - I stayed unemployed for 6 months. I was terrified when trying to find jobs the longer my unemployment lasted, but - I kept pushing.

   My current employer didn't even ask about the gap - just about my skills and how I handle problems. It wasn't till they asked why I left my job that I just answered "my employer wasn't a good fit for me" - then I asked about management style/work-life balance. Turns out they knew my former employer and understood her to be toxic.

   I love my place of work now - I am so happy to be where I am - I have grown so much from taking that risk! I look forward to work everyday, which is something I never believed to be a real thing!

   If it is killing you, you have to leave - for YOUR sanity and health. Toxic employers can leads you to believe untrue toxic things about you and your value! Don't buy it - take care of yourself.

   I hope you are able to make your exit and find someone who finds the value you are worth! Godspeed <3

4. AnonymousSeptember 25,2019 at 11:17PM UTC

   I couldn't agree more! I've done this! I've had no backup plan! It is not peaches and cream when searching for those months before you find your next job but you can and will find something else! People will tell you don't leave it's what we are taught but HEALTH nothing is above your health.

   Panic attacks when you start huffing and puffing while driving, making moaning noises as you are walking in giving the long fake smiles. You sit down and your heart is dancing. It's time to go! Anxiety is something that can happen even when you aren't doing anything but you don't want your job to trigger it.

   There is life after you job I promise!

5. AnonymousSeptember 25,2019 at 11:50AM UTC

   One thing to note - having gaps on your resume is not as detrimental as it once was. If you take a significant amount of time off (ie years) then you have to deal with truly re-entering the market. But if you have a gap of less than a year - it's easily explainable: family healthcare issues, travel, etc.

   I have a former colleague who took off 1.5 years. She listed it on her resume and noted she went to conferences to stay in touch with the industry, managed a construction project and took care of a family member. She was proud of her work and it showed.

   So don't worry about a gap. Worry about the money and your mental health.

   Can you reframe things in your mind to just get through this (until you find other work)?

   I'm currently in a toxic environment myself and just accepted a new job yesterday. But it's been a year in this situation - deteriorating every day. I found I was having a hard time reframing things myself - but when I figured out how to do this (even just a little) it gave me some breathing room.

   I also had to make some other big decisions to help change my mindset. I'm dealing with a gender discrimination situation and I was in a deep, dark black hole. It was like I kept actively looking for "bad behavior" - inside and outside of work to justify myself.....to keep "fanning the flame", if you will.

   So I just stopped. I deleted Twitter from my phone, stopped reading some books (Invisible Women - great book but I can't read it right now) and came to the conclusion that I did as much as I could to change the world. I took the hammer and I swung and I made a dent. I wanted to crack the steel - but I didn't. I did make a dent and I was going to be proud of that.

   Once I had this change of mindset - I was able to carry on a bit more.

6. AnonymousSeptember 25,2019 at 5:11PM UTC

   I agree with it being okay to having gaps on your resume!

7. FlossySeptember 25,2019 at 12:42PM UTC

   If you have an emergency fund that is not retirement that is 6 months ( winter is coming) and you have the ability to find other employment. Tender a resignation... if you are concerned about clients, offer to structure a notice that supports them but be strict on what you won’t tolerate . They can choose to accept, negotiate, or refuse your terms. I’m hoping you have documented the toxic work culture. If you offer notice, you aren’t killing your career. Move on. Thank them for the opportunity and lessons( on how not to lead people ) They wouldn’t think twice about laying you off without notice,

   Now lesson ladies: this is why you have an emergency fund. Everyone needs 6 months outside your retirement fund of FU money.

8. Ann SchulteSeptember 25,2019 at 6:47PM UTC

   AT LEAST 6 mos. It takes time to find a new job, particularly at higher levels; be prepared. Try to live (including 401K contributions) within your salary and bank bonuses/incentive compensation for a rainy day.

9. Johana TatlowSeptember 25,2019 at 1:23PM UTC

   A few things will play into this: Do you have funds to live off of for a few months? Does your area have a strong gig economy such that you could stretch your savings with driving Uber or some such thing until you land your next position? Do you have a list of companies you would like to target, and possibly even names of connections or potential connections there? Sometimes, you just have to jump ship before you go down with it, just make sure you at least have a life vest with you or a boat to swim to. In terms of resume gaps, anything less than six months is not the slightest worry. More than that and you would need to create a "gap description", for instance: Student (online open source training for ... be sure you are using your time well and adding to your skill set) or (Self-development and network building: Re-arranged and strategized my life). You just need to show that you were active during any time you weren't working.

10. Jennifer ElliottSeptember 25,2019 at 1:28PM UTC

    I'm in similar role and looking to get out. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Update your resume. Remember prior successes and focus on them. Make time to exercise, talk to friends, meditate, etc... Don't let this situation take over your life. You're more than your job. Remember this is temporary. It's not you. You just landed a crappy job. I'm sorry you're going through this.

11. AnonymousSeptember 25,2019 at 5:10PM UTC

    Agreed with this! Great advice.

12. Robin StoneSeptember 26,2019 at 6:50PM UTC

    Sage advise. With unemployment staying in the 3.5 range you could be out of work for quite sometime and put yourself into a very bad financial situation. Stay focused on you and create your own positive vibe....sending good vibes your way!

13. Jennifer ElliottSeptember 25,2019 at 5:30PM UTC

    Thanks PennyRem! I had to remind myself of these things too:)

14. SOFÍA COVARRUBIASSeptember 25,2019 at 8:40PM UTC

    Your message is so real and so raw. Reaching out and opening up about this is freaking hard too. I can tell you that I was in a similar position as yours however different because I am married and had my husband's financial support (and healthcare) to quit). I left a job that I also described flat out as an abusive partner/spouse/SO. And it was the best decision I have ever made. I am employed now and the time I took off was never considered a negative (at least not in the phone interviews I did). In LinkedIn I set myself up as a professional in the field/position I left and spent time taking care of myself (literally recovering from trauma) and eventually searching for a new job. If you can financially swing it, do it. If you aren't sure yet, make a plan so that you can. And go for it. You will thank yourself because you deserve better. You are no one's pawn or escape goat. You are one kick ass woman who can pull this mega brave thing off. And believe when I tell you that you will inspire others (whether they ever tell you or not) to stand up for themselves. I would say do it, make a plan, set up whatever you need to set up to make it happen, to give you peace of mind. You have the most important person in the world there with you to make it happen: Y O U.

15. KatieSeptember 26,2019 at 2:54AM UTC

    I was at a company for TWO WEEKS before I started having anxiety attacks. At that point, I had been 6 months AA free and it was RUINED working for this employer. My boss and I talked and I expressed that I was looking for other positions. We came up with a game plan on how to manage things until I found something else, but the company owner beat me to the punch and gave me 30 days to get out of there. So I left and I'm now working retail to pay the bills.
    The biggest thing I've learned from working with Big Wigs is that you need to get out before the snake bites you. YOU NEED TO BE AHEAD OF THE GAME. If you can afford it, quit and start looking for jobs. Maybe have a part time gig lined up so you aren't struggling as much financially when you quit. If you can move in with friends or family while you search, I recommend that so you can manage finances. Work with recruiters to get your name out there and get some relevant jobs headed your way.

    I am burnt out in a different way than before working in retail, and I am ready to get back into marketing. But I am so much more protective of myself. I am very adamant about the things I need and am transparent about them in job interviews. Get out of there girl! You deserve so much better. You have the entire FGB community rooting for you.

16. Liz BuiSeptember 26,2019 at 3:03PM UTC

    I am currently in a Toxic work environment. I have been looking for a new role at other companies for about 6-7 months now but to no success.. I have wanted for the longest time to quit and full time job search but with how long its taken me now, I am really glad I haven't quit. But that does come with its own consequences. I have gained a lot of weight, brought a lot of animosity home to my significant other and also gotten really really depressed. Now, my only colleague and friend is moving on to something else and I have officially become a one man show at work while my "team" piles work onto my plate. If your mental and physical health is suffering tremendously from your toxic work environment, no amount of money will ever buy back your health, so if you have support from family and friends or a savings account you can depend on for a couple of months, I say jump ship and take on as many recruiters as you can to help you make that move. All the best to you from a person who understands your current struggles and GOOD LUCK!

17. ElenaJune 18,2020 at 9:22PM UTC

    I know this was written a while ago. Please tell me you left!

18. Liz BuiJune 18,2020 at 9:29PM UTC

    Elena. Thanks for checking in! I moved on from that work environment and started at another company January this year. Unfortunately, my manager is 3000x worse than my other managers at my last job. I have moments of really really low days because he demoralized me in front of other team members. I have been working remotely and my connection to the other team members have been none due to my current team only having me and my supervisor. I am aiming to leave at the end of July if nothing can be done to switch departments. I am praying for the best, because mentally I am at my last ounce of mental capacity for my a-hole of a manager. I just can't seem to get a break! I hope you are well.

19. ElenaJune 20,2020 at 5:10PM UTC

    That’s horrible Liz! It seems like there are so many toxic and dysfunctional work environments! My current employer was way better than my last employer...until a year ago when they hired my current supervisor. It’s so toxic. I want to get out ASAP.

20. Liz BuiJune 21,2020 at 2:50AM UTC

    I wish you the best!! The job market now is not the best and I’ve had someone ask me why I am trying to leave during this time. He saw it as a red flag since people would be trying to keep their jobs, not leaving their jobs. Keep us all updated on your journey!! I hope things get better somehow.

21. AnonymousSeptember 26,2019 at 4:47PM UTC

    I do know what you are going through - although I might just have everyone beat (maybe)... I took a job with more pay and higher title, and on my first day there went out to my car at lunch and cried for an hour. Sometimes you just find yourself in the wrong place. And it is not worth your sanity or health or any part of you to stay. I've been happily married for a thousand years now, so we had at least one financial window that was still open, so I bailed after a month at the place. Left them a note. They called to find out why I left and what happened, so I gave them a list of all the tirades, beratings, snide comments from other employees, and not to mention being sexually harassed on my first day by a contractor for their building. Of course they responded with, "you should have told us." Yeah, you guys were the ones DOING it. Keep yourself safe and move on as soon as you can. I've been wonderfully employed now just celebrated 12 years at my current place and I literally hug the corner of the building when I go outside for lunch. I don't care who sees. Good luck to you.

22. AnonymousSeptember 26,2019 at 10:05PM UTC

    Omgosh. I was happy, yet sad, to come across this post. I'm going through something similar. I have been at my job for almost a year and a half. Everything was great until the manager that hired me left the company due to another person within the company. That other person has now become the company manager, and what was a satisfying workplace has now become toxic. Mind you, I work from home as an independent contractor. So, for this toxicity to affect me, it's pretty bad. It got to the point that I went in to the office early in the morning before the manager got there to talk to my actual boss (owner) to quit on Monday. He didn't let me. I was honest with him on why I had to go. It was seriously affecting my mental health and well-being. I had severe anxiety and would have anxiety/panic attacks in my sleep. I wasn't eating or drinking much. Can't sleep. I was shaking all the time and my heart constantly beating like crazy. Long story short, he told me I no longer had to have communication with her and we will communicate with each other only. This relieved a lot of my worry, as I am a single mother. Fortunately, my family has been extremely supportive and saw what it was doing to me. They were ready to help me while I looked for another job. But, the worrier in me still worries and I fear this will last only so long. So, I am continuing to look for other opportunities.
    All in all, I highly believe our mental health, sanity and well-being is far more important than money. I feel we are all valuable and have a lot to offer the world.

23. AnonymousSeptember 27,2019 at 12:20PM UTC

    I was in the same situation last summer. After the owner of the company stated that he knew my manager (I am using that term loosely because he had not skills to be in his position) was incorrect in his actions and a hot head and I just needed to accept it. I packed up my desk in front of him and told him it was not acceptable behavior in any profession and resigned the next day. I immediately applied for jobs and within three months found one that moved me to another state. Don't be afraid. You know that you are so much more and do not deserve the abuse. Your health and well-being are more important.

24. finkelmurphySeptember 27,2019 at 3:54PM UTC

    You will never have an employer who is as loyal to you as you are to them. I'm sorry for all of you who are experiencing this. I have certainly experienced it myself.

    I'm going to resist apologizing for the tough love (because that's a very female thing to do...lead with an apology.) But this is why best practice is to have 3-6 months of your fixed expenses in an emergency fund. Some clients keep a separate FUF (Forget You Fund). Whatever you call it, start squirreling into it BEFORE you pay any bills so that you can pull the plug.

    Nothing will ever feel as good as knowing that you are in a strong position to negotiate for how you demand to be treated by being able to walk away.

    You got this!

25. Pula MmesiSeptember 30,2019 at 2:21PM UTC

    Hello quitting with no backup,

    I'd start with taking a step back to reflect on the bigger picture: what had you hoped for when you started your new job 20 months ago and what were your goals then?
    Then I'd take what you know now and build in a buffer that will help you to at least keep you on track to meeting these goals, i.e. join a health club to deal with the stress or plan fun activities for after hours that take your mind off the toxicity. Be sure to at the very least implement a plan for leaving; it may take 3 months to leave but you will have an exit plan. Either way do not leave without a backup plan because you will only waste the time out of work really only dealing with the post- shock of the experience.
    Best of luck!