Quitting with no backup

Question

I have been at my job for about 1 year and 8 months and it has been a total nightmare. Bit of background - I am a successful investment professional with a masters from a top 10 b-school, 13 years of experience, multiple designations and have always succeeded in every job I have had...until now. I find myself in a situation where I am in an abusive relationship with my job. They gaslight me, use me as a pawn (the partners are fighting for future leadership), and have basically set me up for failure since day 1. I have never been treated so disrespectfully/ It is a toxic situation that I am trying to leave but struggling. I know that is has affected me personally and this is coming out in interviews (and also personal relationships). I want to quit with no backup but that scares me so much. Anyone have any experience with this? I am single so rely on myself financially but am mostly worried about how this will look to future employers.

Katie · Answer

I was at a company for TWO WEEKS before I started having anxiety attacks. At that point, I had been 6 months AA free and it was RUINED working for this employer. My boss and I talked and I expressed that I was looking for other positions. We came up with a game plan on how to manage things until I found something else, but the company owner beat me to the punch and gave me 30 days to get out of there. So I left and I'm now working retail to pay the bills. 
The biggest thing I've learned from working with Big Wigs is that you need to get out before the snake bites you. YOU NEED TO BE AHEAD OF THE GAME. If you can afford it, quit and start looking for jobs. Maybe have a part time gig lined up so you aren't struggling as much financially when you quit. If you can move in with friends or family while you search, I recommend that so you can manage finances. Work with recruiters to get your name out there and get some relevant jobs headed your way.

I am burnt out in a different way than before working in retail, and I am ready to get back into marketing. But I am so much more protective of myself. I am very adamant about the things I need and am transparent about them in job interviews. Get out of there girl! You deserve so much better. You have the entire FGB community rooting for you.

Liz Bui · Answer

I am currently in a Toxic work environment. I have been looking for a new role at other companies for about 6-7 months now but to no success.. I have wanted for the longest time to quit and full time job search but with how long its taken me now, I am really glad I haven't quit. But that does come with its own consequences. I have gained a lot of weight, brought a lot of animosity home to my significant other and also gotten really really depressed. Now, my only colleague and friend is moving on to something else and I have officially become a one man show at work while my 'team' piles work onto my plate. If your mental and physical health is suffering tremendously from your toxic work environment, no amount of money will ever buy back your health, so if you have support from family and friends or a savings account you can depend on for a couple of months, I say jump ship and take on as many recruiters as you can to help you make that move. All the best to you from a person who understands your current struggles and GOOD LUCK!

SOFÍA COVARRUBIAS · Answer

Your message is so real and so raw. Reaching out and opening up about this is freaking hard too. I can tell you that I was in a similar position as yours however different because I am married and had my husband's financial support (and healthcare) to quit). I left a job that I also described flat out as an abusive partner/spouse/SO. And it was the best decision I have ever made. I am employed now and the time I took off was never considered a negative (at least not in the phone interviews I did). In LinkedIn I set myself up as a professional in the field/position I left and spent time taking care of myself (literally recovering from trauma) and eventually searching for a new job. If you can financially swing it, do it. If you aren't sure yet, make a plan so that you can. And go for it. You will thank  yourself because you deserve better. You are no one's pawn or escape goat. You are one kick ass woman who can pull this mega brave thing off. And believe when I tell you that you will inspire others (whether they ever tell you or not) to stand up for themselves. I would say do it, make a plan, set up whatever you need to set up to make it happen, to give you peace of mind. You have the most important person in the world there with you to make it happen: Y O U.

Anonymous · Answer

Omgosh. I was happy, yet sad, to come across this post. I'm going through something similar. I have been at my job for almost a year and a half. Everything was great until the manager that hired me left the company due to another person within the company. That other person has now become the company manager, and what was a satisfying workplace has now become toxic. Mind you, I work from home as an independent contractor. So, for this toxicity to affect me, it's pretty bad. It got to the point that I went in to the office early in the morning before the manager got there to talk to my actual boss (owner) to quit on Monday. He didn't let me. I was honest with him on why I had to go.  It was seriously affecting my mental health and well-being. I had severe anxiety and would have anxiety/panic attacks in my sleep. I wasn't eating or drinking much. Can't sleep. I was shaking all the time and my heart constantly beating like crazy. Long story short, he told me I no longer had to have communication with her and we will communicate with each other only.  This relieved a lot of my worry, as I am a single mother. Fortunately,  my family has been extremely supportive and saw what it was doing to me. They were ready to help me while I looked for another job. But, the worrier in me still worries and I fear this will last only so long. So, I am continuing to look for other opportunities.  
All in all, I highly believe our mental health, sanity and well-being is far more important than money. I feel we are all valuable and have a lot to offer the world.

Anonymous · Answer

I was in the same situation last summer.  After the owner of the company stated that he knew my manager (I am using that term loosely because he had not skills to be in his position) was incorrect in his actions and a hot head and I just needed to accept it.  I packed up my desk in front of him and told him it was not acceptable behavior in any profession and resigned the next day.   I immediately applied for jobs and within three months found one that moved me to another state.  Don't be afraid.  You know that you are so much more and do not deserve the abuse.  Your health and well-being are more important.

Anonymous · Answer

I do know what you are going through - although I might just have everyone beat (maybe)... I took a job with more pay and higher title, and on my first day there went out to my car at lunch and cried for an hour.  Sometimes you just find yourself in the wrong place.  And it is not worth your sanity or health or any part of you to stay.  I've been happily married for a thousand years now, so we had at least one financial window that was still open, so I bailed after a month at the place.  Left them a note.  They called to find out why I left and what happened, so I gave them a list of all the tirades, beratings, snide comments from other employees, and not to mention being sexually harassed on my first day by a contractor for their building.  Of course they responded with, 'you should have told us.' Yeah, you guys were the ones DOING it.  Keep yourself safe and move on as soon as you can.  I've been wonderfully employed now just celebrated 12 years at my current place and I literally hug the corner of the building when I go outside for lunch.  I don't care who sees.  Good luck to you.

Pula Mmesi · Answer

Hello quitting with no backup,

I'd start with taking a step back to reflect on the bigger picture: what had you hoped for when you started your new job 20 months ago and what were your goals then?
Then I'd take what you know now and build in a buffer that will help you to at least keep you on track to meeting these goals, i.e. join a health club to deal with the stress or plan fun activities for after hours that take your mind off the toxicity.  Be sure to at the very least implement a plan for leaving; it may take 3 months to leave but you will have an exit plan. Either way do not leave without a backup plan because you will only waste the time out of work really only dealing with the post- shock of the experience.
Best of luck!

finkelmurphy · Answer

You will never have an employer who is as loyal to you as you are to them.  I'm sorry for all of you who are experiencing this.  I have certainly experienced it myself.

I'm going to resist apologizing for the tough love (because that's a very female thing to do...lead with an apology.)  But this is why best practice is to have 3-6 months of your fixed expenses in an emergency fund.   Some clients keep a separate FUF (Forget You Fund).  Whatever you call it, start squirreling into it BEFORE you pay any bills so that you can pull the plug.

Nothing will ever feel as good as knowing that you are in a strong position to negotiate for how you demand to be treated by being able to walk away.

You got this!

Quitting with no backup

You're invited.

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