how to deal when your boss has a temper

Question

My boss has a very bad temper....he yells at people basically every day, and I've even witnessed him throw stuff across a room when he's mad. He's never physically hurt anyone, but he can be pretty scary, and his temper makes him unapproachable. Normally I'd talk to someone in HR, but I work at a very small company ...so we don't really have anyone in HR. And talking to my boss's boss is not an option, since my boss is actually the owner of the company. Should I just suck it up or look for another job? Or should I try to address this in some way?

lauramsmall · Answer

This is such a hard one, and I can absolutely relate -- I had a boss (who also happened to be the President of the company!) do that to me, and I found it terrifying.  Here's what I wish I had done at the time -- could you pick a time when he is calm, and say to him (calmly, with as little emotion as you can muster), 'I wonder if we can talk more calmly when you are upset -- it's really hard for me to stay present when you are yelling.'  I get that you might not be able to say that - it would be really hard!  Ultimately, I do think you need to find another opportunity - that is not an acceptable way to communicate, and you deserve to be treated with respect.

anon5152 · Answer

My recommendation would be get out of there ASAP.  I worked for a mean tempered woman who was very high up in the organization; she threw the 'F' bomb around several times a day and lashed out verbally at everyone around her.  She reported to the CEO and I could not complain to him as he adored her (she was a very strong businesswoman).  I could not complain to HR because she was the VP of HR, believe it or not. This was a multi-million dollar, publicly traded firm.  Such a toxic environment.  I got out and have never felt better.

Katie Malone · Answer

I would look for a new job. I had a boss with a terrible temper -- he would lash out and then the next day act as if nothing happened. He did it to me a few times. 
Once while I was on vacation, he did it to my coworker. I got texts from everyone in the office (while on vacay) about the terrible episode. When I came back to the office he tried to play 'clean up' with ME and get me on 'his side.'
That's when I realized he would never change and if I didn't leave I would be his next victim. 
I like the idea of talking to him calmly and asking him to talk to you when he is calmer, but only you can decide when enough is enough.

Lori Schmitz · Answer

This is such a hard spot to be in... I worked for the CEO of a company for several years with a  reputation for having a temper... he could be unreasonable and there were a few times he's temper bordered on terrifying.  I found that the best way to combat his temper was to remain calm and just stay out of his way.   That said, on more than one occasion; I called him on it and told him I would not allow him to speak to me in that manner and if he wanted my help; he would need to calm down or I was leaving.    
Unfortunately, I have learned that many successful, brilliant people have the emotional intelligence of a 3 year old and this is them pitching their fit; they don't even realize the long term impact of their emotional outbursts as once their done with their tantrum; they've forgotten about it.     
I know standing up to your boss can be scary; but he may not even realize the impact this is having on you long term (because he has forgotten it the minute it is over).    Set your boundaries for this behavior even if that means leaving...  sometimes a mirror is the best tool for this type of situation.

Good luck!

MomLife · Answer

So sorry to hear that you're in the position but no one deserves to be surrounded by that kind of temper.

Also if you can, please review your employer on Fairygodboss so other woman know to watch out.

Alyson Garrido, Career Coach · Answer

Your safety is paramount and you should absolutely not feel scared at work or do anything that puts you in danger. If it's worth a shot to try to change the behavior, I wonder if there is a way to provide feedback when he is in an approachable state. Perhaps he doesn't know how his behavior impacts you or the business overall. You may even relate it to clients or company profits. For example, 'Earlier this afternoon when you were yelling, I was on the phone with a client who heard and decided not to buy.' Then it's not about you and just based in fact.

Susie Q · Answer

I worked for a company that was family owned with a large board. Yes, one of the worst because they lack diversity. Most have been sheltered. One member was the supervisor of our business and would yell at anyone, in front of anyone, like a man child. And one day he said my day would come. Funny it never did because he left and his cousin took over who was completely different and then later the business was sold and they had said we didn't need to worry about our jobs, a lie.

Donna Macdonald · Answer

I think you are between a rock and a hard place.  Since you have no real recourse and you go outside the company for help, chances are high he will retaliate which is illegal but it may happen just the same.  The only solution I believe is to look for a new job and congratulate yourself that you took control of your life and health.

StillClimbing@38 · Answer

Ugh - I can absolutely sympathize with you.  I once worked in a similar situation where my boss threw things around the office and screamed at everyone.  I was very young but if I were to encounter that today I would look into your rights as an employee.  This is no different than sexual or any other type of harassment.

Kimberly Sullivan · Answer

Let him throw his little tantrum, stay calm and quiet.  When he calms down, let him know how you feel.  I know it seems scary to do but really try to ... you’ll feel great for having stayed strong!   His temper will not go away, he will not change (trust me) so keep your resume fresh and start looking!!!! Best of luck to you...??

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