Working for a boss who doesn't have kids when you're a parent.

Question

I'm worried this will sound bad, but -- I'm interviewing for a job and it came up during the conversation with my would-be manager that she doesn't have kids (I mentioned the fact I have two under 5). It made me nervous. At my previous company, I worked for someone (also in their 40s, a man) who didn't have kids and he was NEVER understanding of when I had to call out of work last minute because my child got sick, my needing to leave early to pick up my son from preschool, etc. So, my question is: Do you think that childless bosses are truly able to understand // sympathize with what it means to be a working parent?

Anonymous · Answer

I would just ask if the company is family friendly. For me it is worth it to ask and I usually do so while discussing an offer. I want to be sure I have otherwise sold them on the fact that I am a great candidate but not accept if I won't be able to make the job work. While I have experience with your previous situation and understand where you are coming from, don't assume a boss with no kids will not be understanding. There is a female executive with no kids at my current employer and I think her employees are the most accommodated as parents in the whole company. I've had the time to talk to her and know she was raised by a single mother. This makes her understandering even if she did not choose to parent herself. 
People are choosing more and more not to have families but it doesn't mean they are not understanding of those that do. Give each employer a fresh chance.

Sweet Caroline · Answer

I think the family friendly question is key.  I work in an workplace where my coworkers are aging boomers primarily and many now have spouses or aging parents they have to care for.  Many remember the struggles of raising kids in the 80s and 90s as working parents but more recently appreciate the flexibility to deal with other family emergencies.

Anonymous · Answer

This is thought provoking for me - not because I have kids, but because over the past several years I expanded my time to include caring for my aging parents (even taking 12 weeks of FMLA).  That's becoming a thing now, and I've found that I've had bosses who are sympathetic because they are doing the same, and bosses who write it off as 'asking for too much time off'.  Now I'm very clear in the interview process to mention that my mother lives on the other side of the country and that I try to visit her once a quarter.  I guess if they don't like that, they don't like that...

M Elizabeth Ingram · Answer

Family friendly is definitely key.  My boss doesn't have kids, but she is caring for aging parents while my kiddos are 10 months and 5.  Our needs as far as flexibility go are super similar, but we also both have a strong commitment to family and we've implemented policies at our company to strengthen that.

Katie Malone · Answer

Ohh, this is soo tough. Unless the job is a dream job, I would not work for someone who doesn't have kids. (Sorry!) But you could ask if the company has any policies around working from home and work/life balance. I would be careful on the family friendly question... just because a company employs a lot of people who have kids does NOT mean it's family friendly. And that term is up for interpretation. 
I used to work for a man who had kids, but his wife had not worked outside the home in 18 years... Now I work for a female with children. Let me tell you, the difference is night and day. ;-)

Lisa Leslie Hefter · Answer

I agree that it really depends on the person.  I’ve experienced both bosses with children who aren’t understanding and bosses without who aren’t.  I think the best chance for success in both situations is to be open and honest about your needs and also give back to the company when you’re able.  In the hiring process, I would make sure you understand sick leave and if the company is family friendly as others have suggested.  Also-more and more states are passing laws which protect the employee and that is leading to a change in tone.

Rebecca Estrada · Answer

Before I had a pet, I didn't 'get' how much it would hurt when they died. Before I had my son, I didn't 'get' what it was like to balance work/life/motherhood. Before I had a teenager I didn't 'get' how much work it is to mentor a young man into adulthood. But now I am watching my coworkers struggle through caring for parents. I haven't gone through that -YET- but based on my past 'gets' I am giving them all the support I can, because I can only imagine how difficult it can be.

When I've had bosses that 'get' it, and trust that I will get things done even though I had to leave early to pick up a sick kid from school makes me more willing to put in a few hours from home in the evening or on weekend.

I also hope that as I give others the permission to balance their life, that they will extend that to others in the future. I'm hoping to make the workplace better for GenZ!

Victoria Conly · Answer

I think it’s possible for any childless person to be empathetic to their employees with young children. It varies from person to person. I’ve worked for mothers with several kids who were actually less sympathetic because they managed to come in early and stay late (read: had a good support system) and expected every mother in the company to do the same.

I agree with what others have said. Ask about the company culture. And trust your instincts.

Rose Holland · Answer

I think it depends on where you are in your career and how you work with the other parent. When my husband was in one position, he was unable to assist with emergencies so it left it all on me. With another job, he actually handled more of this than I did since he was more flexible.

Amanda Neighbours · Answer

I do think that childless bosses can be able to understand the struggle of being a working parent.  It truly just depends on the person and the culture of the organization.  It would be better to address that in the interview (Ask, 'Do you allow for flexible work arrangements as needed' or something like that) and know what you are getting in to rather than to start a position and realize the supervisor has no tolerance or understanding for working parents.

Working for a boss who doesn't have kids when you're a parent.

You're invited.

See what women are sharing on Fairygodboss.