Toxic parents

Question

How have your survived the trauma left by your toxic parent?

Caroline Jacob · Answer

I found this FGB article helpful!: https://fairygodboss.com/career-topics/signs-your-family-doesnt-care-about-you

Maggie B · Answer

Therapy, and good friends who have become family.
I was especially drawn to this post right now because, shortly before our shelter-in-place order here in Minnesota, my father moved in with us.  I've been walking a RAZOR THIN LINE of calling out his bullshit and holding him accountable while also not actively 'parenting' him.  It's been challenging and stressful, especially with the added festivities of the pandemic and none of us being able to leave the house.
It's tough, but it's doable.

Katie Henderson Ladyboss752675 · Answer

Once you recognize that you have not had a perfect childhood, it's up to you to heal it by being your own best parent. I took a course called 'Healing the Inner Child' that opened my eyes. I learned the difference between 'hard pain' that shows up before you do and can jeopardize relationships, and 'soft pain' that you gently allow to emerge. I did a lot of crying. Eventually, you need to forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be hurt-- hey, you were a kid, you did the best you could-- and then forgive your parents. It's a long journey, but the forgiveness part is the most healing thing of all. It will change your life. Good luck, dear.

Rachel Reilly · Answer

This inner work is so important, and it has been said that we spend our lives trying to be the parents we wanted our parents to be. When we make the choice to begin healing  generational trauma that has been passed down to us, I believe it is helpful to remember that the parent is also the child. If they never made the choice to heal, as you bravely are now, then they are still deeply wounded and often not interested in or equipped to face the issues.

We all have thousands of imprints from our experiences and those of our ancestors. Creating boundaries and space from continually toxic/hurtful parents are key, although challenging because we crave those connections as humans. Ultimately, we must seek support from like-minded people when our spiritual growth and wellness are not fully supported by family time and time again. Sometimes to love differently and from a distance is the only healthy option.

Crystal Rhineberger · Answer

This is a huge thing for me. Both parents were and still are toxic. The narcisstic parent book helped me navigate through I had to take charge. I had to value myself and be willing to accept if I wanted a relationship what were my tolerances. If I could not tolerate then what were my options. I have been working on this ever since i was about 8. At 8 i felt unwanted and undesired and grappled w that all the way into my 20s, when I was coming out of that my then husband passed away, and it threw me a loop. So I tried once more to have a relationship w my parents. It was not successful. I did not blame myself this time. I had the mental tools lined up shall we say

Misherald Brown · Answer

Personally once I realize I had a toxic relationship with most of not quite a bit of my family I learned really quickly as a adult to always base my decisions off of me and never look for advice from the family but also I limit my time with them and when I am with them I let them engage.  The biggest suggestion I can give you is don’t feel like your neglecting them or let them put that thought in your head.  Do what’s best for you.

Toxic parents

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