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what do you do if your partner works for the state you live in
so my boyfriend works for the state of Minnesota and he doesn't get home till 10 or 11 pm and I am at home taking care of our son who is a year old and thirteen months and I feel like I am a single parent and the reason why i feel like that is because when he wakes up in the morning he starts his morning routine and when he gets home all he wants to do is relax and so I am watching my son all day and all night and it is like once in a blue moon that I get any time to relax
Ladyboss784985Young go getter and I want to learn it all.
14
07/30/19 at 2:40PM UTC
My husband is a police officer, works weird days, 12 hour shifts and when he gets home he wants to relax, especially after a long day in the patrol car. Now he is also heading to nights. We have a 13 month old daughter. I also work full time to boot and I take on a majority of the daycare runs/pickups and care for our daughter. He does have days off and those days he does the "daycare" (read parenting). Maybe on your bfs off days he can take the time to do things with your son and bond and do more. Or, like I do, I just ask for simple tasks to be done when he gets home. Even if my husband is tired I will ask, hey, can you just take over so I can go shower for 15 min? That gives me some me time and time much needed for a shower without someone stuck to my leg. Or maybe find a relaxing activity they can both do together while you bounce off to get in a quick workout/10 min meditation/1 tv show timeframe alone in the other room. They could read together or stack blocks. That doesn't take a lot of brain power or physical energy. In the end you need to have a discussion with him. Voice your opinion in "I feel" statements, not "You make me feel" statements. Ask for help, let him know you understand that he works hard and long hours and he is tired, but parenting is a 2 person job. You both made a baby, you both have to care for him. Relationships are 90% hard work via communication. He can't read your mind and you can't read his.
Beth DayI am a first time parent
62
07/31/19 at 7:28AM UTC
That makes a lot of sense to tell him/ask him for help thank you
Anonymous
07/29/19 at 2:54PM UTC
When our son was little, my husband would take him on Saturday mornings to run errands (car wash, mail letters, hardware store, pick up groceries, etc.) It was good bonding time for them and I got a break.
Our son is now seven and they still go out together...it's fun for both of them and now it's kind of a tradition. : ) Plus, they usually bring me a coffee or something when they come home so my husband is teaching him to be thoughtful!
Anonymous
07/29/19 at 12:39PM UTC
What is his job? Why does he work so many hours? This has nothing to do with the state you live in, and everything to do with his job and your job.
Beth DayI am a first time parent
62
07/31/19 at 7:17AM UTC
He is a behavior specialist. He basically takes care of adults that can’t live on their own so they live at a place is like a group home. The reason why he works so many hours is because he needs to make sure his individual doesn’t harm himself/ herself, or try’s to hurt someone and he has a lot of paper work and the only job I have is being a mother
Anonymous
07/31/19 at 1:05PM UTC
Ok. Given his job, and the situation you describe, you are not going to get help from him. You are a single parent.
So, where can you get help? Do you have family in the area? Friends? Neighborhood kids who can be a parent's helper? Are there resources you qualify for at the state or federal level, such as subsidized child care? You mentioned he is your boyfriend, not husband. You may qualify for additional help because you are single (assuming common law does not apply in this case.)
Start investigating local and state services that can help you care for your child and yourself. (Perhaps this? https://mn.gov/dhs/people-we-serve/children-and-families/economic-assistance/child-care/programs-and-services/basic-sliding-fee.jsp)
Once you are able to take a break and step back, you can decide if this situation is viable for you and your child. It may be that his job won't be so time-consuming forever, or he will decide to change jobs/get help at work/change support hours to get a work-life balance. I suspect that, from his perspective, he already parents all day, and wants time off. Same with you, except that you don't get to leave the job site. So find a way to leave the job site and get a few hours to yourself, get some perspective, and decide what's best for you and your child.
Crystal Rhinebergerprofessional rofl nevermind lets just wing it
2.29k
07/28/19 at 1:34AM UTC
I have been there and at times I felt I had a better relationship w my son than I did his father.
As my son got older I started sharing some of my hobbies give us bonding time and me a few minutes to just not worry about some stuff.
However this doesn’t help you in the here and now.
I understand your guy needs down time we all do
Mayb see if he’s open to a small discussion of father son bonding time for even 30 mins. Those 30mins can stretch w out even noticing into longer spans.
I have times now where my husband and son don’t even need me, never sure what they are talking about and I take breath and say ah!
JB09718
332
07/28/19 at 12:25AM UTC
I feel the same way at times! My husband is a doctor and when he’s on call he works 12+ hr shifts. Our little guy is only 5 months and I’ve been a stay at home mom with him for almost two months. We haven’t figured out a better way to balance this out between us but it definitely helps if you have friends or family that can babysit for a couple hours. If not, changing the scenery helps too. If I’m getting overwhelmed, we go out or go for a quick walk.
Beth DayI am a first time parent
62
07/28/19 at 7:59PM UTC
the only friend i have would be my fathers son
Vanessa175Tech entrepreneur, traveler, HR professional
87
07/27/19 at 10:13PM UTC
Can you ask him to at least take care of your son for a few hours on his day off? Are there grandparents nearby who could babysit to give you some time out?
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