Offering your friends support

Question

How do support your friends who are upset or struggling, specifically those with mental health challenges? How do you provide uplifting and respectful support?

Rebecca Jones · Answer

Show up, listen, and acknowledge their point of view. There are some good videos on YouTube about this. Kati Morton and Eugenia Cooney just did a collaboration about this topic.

Tami Wolf · Answer

What you think they need and what they want might be two different things. Ask your friends how they want you to support them and do that.

You said mental health issues, are they seeing a therapist? If not, suggest it and offer help them make a list of therapists in your area. Then tell them how proud you are of them taking this difficult and emotional step. If you’re comfortable with it, and it doesn’t cross your own boundaries, go to the first appointment and wait in a nearby coffee shop for them.

Miranda Wilcox · Answer

So many great responses! All I want to add is if you can just be present and listen, you will be giving them a gift.

Lucinda Jackson · Answer

Let them know you care, say I love you! Be honest, tell them you're worried about them, that it's hard for you to see them struggle because you want to help. Ask what you can do but don't suggest a lot of solutions. Listen. Call them. Send notes every day, even a short text or a joke or something you heard. Let them know that you are thinking of them.

Eva Jannotta (she/her) · Answer

My go-to is to LISTEN and VALIDATE and avoid offering advice unless they ask for it. A lot of people will say 'oh have you tried this? You should do X' and that can be overwhelming/depressing to the recipient. I find active listening and saying things like, 'yeah, that sounds really hard' the best course.

Kelseyannb · Answer

Hi! I have some mental health issues and run a support group for people with chronic illness generally, including of the mental variety. First of all, it's great that you're asking. Just that fact likely puts you way above many of this person's friends. I would echo what's been said above about asking them. Not only are all mental illnesses different, but each person can experience the same one differently. So I would do some reading on your own about the illness and if you're having a hard time finding reliable literature (some mental illnesses are so stigmatized that all you'll find online is 'stay away from this person!'), reach out and I'd be happy to help. But then ask them questions about their experience and how you can be helpful. Most of my support group just wishes their friends would a) learn about their illness and b) be understanding that sometimes we (the chronically ill) are unreliable for plans and things because we can't always control it, the best we can do is be as communicative as possible.

Last note, there is an Instagram account called @how.u.feeling that does a great job with chronic illness, and most mental illness is chronic. Anyway, obviously I'm very passionate about this. If you want to reach out and share the specific disorder, I can point you in a better direction. Please note I'm not a clinician. Just someone invested in supporting those struggling who has learned a lot!

Good luck.

Offering your friends support

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