Getting Promoted and Colleagues Trying to Make You Feel You Didn't Earn It

Question

I recently was promoted to Director, and one of my colleagues has been telling anyone in the company who will listen that I didn't deserve this success, that I had been given unfair advantages, that I'm not that good at my job, etc.  This is so disheartening because we were in the same role before, but in all honesty, I work the most amount of hours, have the most experience in my role, and literally produce the best results for the company.  I've also helped her whenever she's asked.  Unfortunately, the really sad part is that the colleague that is doing this is another woman, and my friend.  I would love some feedback on how to address this.  If we were peers still I could just pull her aside and ask what her problem is, but now that I'm in a higher leadership role, I also want to make sure I do this in a way that represents being a leader.  This situation is so disappointing on so many levels - any advice would be appreciated!

Alyson Garrido, Career Coach · Answer

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening. This is not the behavior of a friend. If you're comfortable, I'd call it out directly. Mention that a few people have shared her concerns about your promotion and you wanted to talk it out with her. This is about her, not you. I'd keep it focused on respect at work and having a functional and professional relationship as much as possible and how you can get there.

Congratulations on your promotion!

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, unfortunately people are telling me what she has said to them, and the comments are almost word for word across different people in different offices.

And thank you - this is such an exciting time, and I'm trying to focus on celebrating this moment in my career without this taint on it!

Maggie B · Answer

YIKES.  That's toxic.  You have absolutely every right to pull her aside and talk to her about it, and if she doesn't report directly to you, bring it up to her manager.

Lady Pele · Answer

Congratulations on your promotion!  You deserve to celebrate!

Even if you now out-rank the woman, you said she was a friend.  Have you considered inviting her out to dinner and mentioning that the rumor mill has been churning about her being jealous of your promotion, so you wanted to let her know before she inadvertently makes any comments that could hurt her professionally.

If you worked with your manager on a career development plan with specific goals, you can choose to share that, which shows the intent and actions necessary to earn the promotion.

It's hard when someone has to put down someone else to feel good about themselves or lets petty jealousies make them a toxic gossiper.  I hope you don't let her detract you from enjoying the fruits of your labors and your earned promotion!

Simply Curious · Answer

Sorry to hear this! How do you know that your colleague is telling others that you don't deserve the success? Are people coming up to you about it?

On a positive note: Congrats on the promotion!

Getting Promoted and Colleagues Trying to Make You Feel You Didn't Earn It

You're invited.

See what women are sharing on Fairygodboss.