Boss sleeping with my husband

Question

My boss , who is horrible to me. & not very pleasant to other coworkers, don't know why she thinks she's entitled. Well, just found out that she's sleeping with my Husband, who also works at the same company. What can I do ?

Anonymous · Answer

Get a lawyer. Now.  Protect your assets, remove his name as beneficiary from insurance policies, retirement accounts, etc. You probably can't have him removed from any joint accounts without a divorce decree or other legal document, but get his name off of everything you can. Put your paycheck in a separate account he can't access. Drop his cards from your credit accounts. If you are co-signed on any loans, get your liability removed.

Depending on company policy, you may be able to report both of them for having a relationship within the chain of command. Otherwise, there may not be anything else you can do about that.

Once you have your assets protected, get an escape/exit plan, your lawyer can help with that.  It may involve appearing before a judge to secure temporary full custody of any children or other dependents.  Then get out. Once you and any dependents are safe, you can worry about the rest.

Anonymous · Answer

Take a day off, clean out 1/2 of the bank accounts and remove him from your credit cards.  Make an appointment with an attorney and file for legal separation.

If you have proof, I mean real in court proof.  Go to HR.   On the surface, your husband has defiled your marriage vows with about the worst way beyond a relative.   Understand, they will both be probably fired.

Record the conversation with HR and ask both of their bosses be present.

Tammy Cockrell · Answer

I agree. If you have a HR dept go there. Report the issue to a VP or supervisor up the chain.  I am sure its a harrassment of some kind. What isnt?  You certainly can not tell your boss without it backfiring. Hence harrassment. 
Then contact an attorney Who specializes in both workplace harassment and divorce.  Then he/she and I would recommend a she send a letter to HR notifying them of a potential grievance lawsuit. 
Before you do anything  at all, tho, open new checking accounts. New direct deposits filed. 
Have a copy of all joint accounts and assets for attorney. 
This is two issues obviously, harrassment and adultry. The affair can create a hostile work environment. Should be easy to argue. I hope you work for a large company.  If any life insurance designate NEW beneficiary if needed. 
If you have a joint cell phone plan, esp apple devices, You should be able to track his whereabouts if you sync them together. Any phone calls you need to make if you do have a joint cell phone with him need to be made from the work phone. If you have a joint cell phone bill that he can track you normally. You might have to untangle the cell phone bills and get a prepaid. Any text any email that you sent from a cell phone but he has a joint account he can get a hold of. It’s a lot to take in and I wish you the best.

Lady Fairygodboss 93 · Answer

If this is your dream job, don't let them push you out.   But sometimes the victim of this type of thing, especially a woman, ends up being portrayed as a loser, for some reason.    I agree with what most everyone has said, primarily, don't tell anyone, see an attorney ASAP, get financial protections for yourself via advice from the attorney, and it may be best to get a new job.   I tried staying at a company after I was wronged in a similar manner.   I was made out to be a problem maker.  Ultimately I left, moved on, and made a better life for myself.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree with what people are saying:  protect your assets, protect your job, start documenting EVERYTHING.

Get an attorney ASAP. This is not just your marriage but your livelihood and professional reputation being threatened, and they are cheaters so they WILL go after all three.

When you have proof of the affair, go to HR- you want to be the one who gets there first to control the narrative.

File a complaint- this is unprofessional at best and harassment at worst. Make it so that it's in the company's interest to protect your position.

Ask for a new supervisor- there's no way she'll be able to do your evaluations faithfully.

Don't speak to either of them, refer them to your attorney. Document everything they send or say to you.

Get a therapist- this is going to be tough and you will need support. Also let someone you love and trust know the situation, so you can get emotional support that a therapist can't provide.

Finally, check out r/JUSTNOSO, a Reddit support thread for people who have the WORST significant others. You will learn some key tactics on how to avoid being manipulated and what behaviors are actually signs of a larger problem.

I'm so sorry this happened, but but sounds to me like you have  chance at a better partner and a better job,  after this is all over. I've heard a story like this before but it was the employee sleeping with the boss's partner instead. Nothing happened to the employee because they were in a union and the boss didn't make a big deal out of it. The boss ended up leaving the organization and the state. The employee and the boss's partner are now married with a kid. Get HR on your side!!!!

Good luck to you!!! <3

FeministGuy · Answer

I'm sorry that you're experiencing this betrayal. I know the betrayal is a lot worse when it's someone you consider family and a boss you must answer to. This is a double betrayal and it really hurts, I know.  Sadly, I am experiencing ruthless retaliation and unimaginable abuse by an unholy, malicious union of jealous, desperate  family members and my greedy former boss.

Don't waste time thinking about if it was something you did. It wasn't anything you did. It was the fault of selfish, greedy and foolish people. It's  possible that you are dealing with sociopaths who have no feelings for others.

It's my experience that the guilty party can be ruthless and treacherous to cover up their secret. You are in a difficult situation because one of the culprits is a family member and he/she likely has access to ALL your  information, including phone calls and whereabouts. If fact, ruthless people use hidden  'key stroke' software to gain access to passwords and internet use. Believe me, the right to privacy is a complete joke these days. I would advise not using your work or personal PC to search for divorce attorneys, for example.  Believe me, you do not want them to know that you are aware of their dirty secret.

Please, do not think that your company HR can iron this out for you. Your company has a vested interest to not help you since they are guilty of having a policy that allowed your to boss to do what he/she did to you. Worse, your company could work against you to cover up the affair and/or share information with them. Yes, the betrayal can get A LOT worse than it is now. Believe me! I'm not a lawyer, but don't think that your company is going to come to your aid and help you. Keep your cards close and get an attorney.

One commenter here is right that the company would likely fire both of them. Does it really help you get out of this situation if he/she is staying home all day and you have less income? Probably not. I would seriously hope that you do not go to HR or higher ups in the company until after you have legal representation that has no association with your company. Believe me, it can get a lot worse.

Here is what you need to do: 
1. get a new pc and put a password on it. 
2. Make notes of his and her abusive language if it exists. They are likely gas-lighting you and making you out to be a horrible person. If they are, this is the most ruthless and deplorable thing possible because it's causing intentional pain and suffering. It's psychological  abuse, and most hurtful. I know.

3. Be happy you found out what's going on before they resorted to this type of gas-lighting or worse. I know it's unbelievably hurtful. It's worse than any physical pain. Seriously, be thankful and proud that you figured it out because they likely would've resorted to more serious emotional abuse. Again, write down their abuse comments or actions. Do not put it in a place that he/she can find it.

4. Get an attorney.  Don't tell co-workers. Just act the same and don't ask why. Just be thankful you figured it out so you can move on. I'm not just giving advice. I'm giving advice based on the experience I've endured since 2014.

5. If you starting feeling bad and thinking that you can't take the abuse anymore, go and rent 'Unbroken,' a movie directed by Angelina Jolie. If the main character can put up with all that abuse and suffering, and grow from it, your experience will not seem so bad. The bonus at the end is helpful for moving on with forgiveness. That comes later.  Right now, you just need to stay strong, get to a safe place and not let captors break you down.

6. Make sure you eat right and stay healthy. Be happy that things will get better once you get those people out of your life. It's hard, but you can do it.

If you doubt my honesty and don't think I'm speaking from experience, visit my website: www.danielpiper.com
It's been hacked and some pictures were taken down showing the means, motive and cover-up. It's very likely the apartment complex that made me deathly ill from black mold contacted my jealous and financially challenged family members and my employer to help with the diabolical plot and cover-up. In fact my cousin acknowledged an unusual tie to  my apartment complex owner, both from St. Louis. Or, perhaps the diabolical plot orchestrated by my employer who was hiding a sinister plan and I stood in their way of making a lot of money? We're talking hundreds of millions. This would explain everything, including why my apartment complex handled the situation the way they did- kicking me to the curb sick and unable to work. The apartment complex hired a 'dirty' law firm to thwart justice. I did nothing wrong so they've tried to destroy me in every way possible. The betrayal is unimaginable. Gas lighting is real, so don't blame yourself. Some people are just deplorable, like my family members, apartment complex owner, and former boss and don't think about others and only care about money. Btw, I was a marshal at the women's march in DC yesterday. I believe I was picked because I had references and an imprsssive resume of standing for justice. This is was my 3rd major march in two years.

I was honored to help an  81 year old women in tears get to the ADA marching area in the front. She was late and would've been left behind had I not gone back when the March was starting. She said she had been to many marches since the 60's, and she didn't know how many more marches she was going to be able to do. She thanked me and hugged me. Her daughter said I made her day. One thing for sure, we both made it because we are UNBROKEN.  You can do this! Take care!

Fe · Answer

Call your company ethics helpline anonymouslu

anon5535 · Answer

It’s a financial and employment situation, which sometimes happens when both spouses work for the same company.  Get a lawyer to protect yourself and your financial position. read your employee handbook to know what’s addressed in there.  If your boss is in a higher position than your husband, it could be sexual harassment(or not). If they’re peers it could be workplace fraternization.

Explorer257452 · Answer

This really sucks. You need to verify that it's true then divorce him. He chose to cheat on you, no matter if it's your boss or anyone else. Then, ask yourself if you really want to stay there at that job. Your soon-to-be ex works there. Find another job without his knowledge or your boss. This is key! Then you can leave both of them. You may want to seek someone you can talk to to help you through this stressful time.

Boss sleeping with my husband

You're invited.

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