Marketing Manager

Question

I have been told that I need to 'throw a satin glove on my iron fist' and I am constantly told I am 'too aggressive' while I work with sales executives who are way more aggressive than I am and they are praised for it. I have gotten to where I am by being assertive and having confidence in myself but now am I starting to doubt my professionalism. I was just wondering if you ever experienced this and if you have any advice you can lend me?

Nicole · Answer

These are always tricky situations. I got similar advice before, but no real direction on HOW to do this. I eventually got a great set of mentors who helped me work through this and it was the best thing that happened to me!

Brianna Thompson · Answer

I have been in a similar situation. I let it shake me, and I drastically changed my management style to try and accommodate the 'complaints' I was receiving from my fellow managers. Even though I felt they were acting the same way.

But this had a negative effect on my ability to get things done quickly and correctly with my staff.

I finally went back to my previous management style that was effective. I did make a few small adjustments. Changing your word choices might make a difference.

Ultimately you are where you are for a reason. As a sales executive, I'm sure you didn't get there by being 'nice'.  Stay professional, don't lose faith in yourself, and don't focus on comparing your actions to your peers. Do your job to the best of your ability.

Good luck!

Crystal Rhineberger · Answer

Allllll the time. I have a tough as nails ice queen demeanor
Im usually confounded at the snide comment nothing bother U!
Here’s the thing
L

Anonymous · Answer

Oh wow...this has definitely happened to me!  Now obviously, I don't have any idea on your actual level of 'aggressive' here, but if you are really concerned about this, I would recommend the first thing you do would be take a 360 degree survey from people in your life about how you engage.  See what the general consensus is from people you know professionally and personally - peers, direct reports, bosses, parents, friends, etc.  If everyone you know says you are way too aggressive about things, well, then you may need to ask for feedback on how you can engage in a better way and take suggestions, and then continue to ask for feedback.

But...I'm guessing this may not be the case, so I do want to assure you of this.  When people say that women in particular are too aggressive, too driven, too competitive, too opinionated, etc., my experience is that you are probably exuding a level of confidence, expertise, courage, or honesty that other people are too afraid or too insecure to exhibit on their own.  Because it makes them uncomfortable that you have such a strong sense of self, they label you, while you actually could be quite competent and professional in what you are doing and how you are engaging.  In this case it is less about you or what you are doing and more about how as a society we judge and scold women for it.  I also hope these accepted aggressive sales execs aren't men.  The reason I say this is the qualities we praise in men are things sometimes we punish women for.  Men who are decisive, give direction, and take control are deemed as leaders; women who do this can be labeled as bossy or another word I will not write here, but ultimately, the qualities and behaviors are the same.

At the end of the day, you should get some feedback from a wider audience, but don't doubt your professionalism until you do.  You sound like a bold, confident woman, and we need more of women like you in this world.  You should be authentic to who you are, and if ultimately the people around you are more willing to criticize than appreciate the differences between you and them, then you may want to consider surrounding yourself with people professionally who will appreciate your perspective and your confidence to say what other people are too afraid to.   :)

Katie Malone · Answer

I am in communications and was told I needed to temper my opinions before. It was really hard to hear and I actually disagreed with the feedback, too.
But while I didn't let it change my opinions, I did develop a better attitude, overall. That really helped me personally and professionally. 
I believe that expressing your opinions in a professional manner is REALLY REALLY important (even when you are questioning a superior), but I learned to always come with an opinion AND a resolution. 
Not sure if that's applicable to your circumstances, but just my word of advice.

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