As little bit about myself; I am 31 years old and am in recovery from the disease of addiction, 3 years and 9 months clean now. I'm maturing and need to find an appropriate job, to become independent. I am solely dependent on my parents right now, live in our family home with them, and younger sister (22).
I have not worked a regular job in, around 3 years. Before this I was a bikini barista, did the barista gig for about 10 years. This last coffee stand I worked at, I was fired. (The owner was a trucker man, misogynistic. Was not working well and I was needing to move anyways)
Thankfully, I have done side jobs here & there, in between and now, to fill up my resume. Personal assistant, nanny, cleaning.
☆I've been asking myself this and need help with it:
A. What do I "want to be when I grow up, also right now to prepare"
B. I suffer from depression, anxiety, & PTSD, my self esteem is very low, and being only 3 years clean(sober) I'm learning to live life, entirely different than I had.
I did purposefully take as much time as me needed to be able to reach this level of sobriety. This was a great choice. Now I'm stuck though and get frustrated. Also I'm on medication, that has side effects that I have put into account. My nutrition, exercise, vitamins, routines, I've been improving all of these all of me, mentally, physically, spiritually.
Thus I believe my mind,
Through life I've learned to gain worth from hard work, from father/grandfather. Also the opposite as well your worth-less if you don't work hard, but not working at all...oh my goodness zero worth. That is one of my deeply rooted negative self beliefs.
There is the cycle, future career? Having trouble getting past my negative self talk etc, to get anywhere in that question. The question that I desire so much. Why, because, there are many benefits from working that I am lacking and I know that I would feel improvements just from working even 20 hours a week. Even when I was working for a friend for little hours not feeling of productiveness is necessary for healthy happy mind-body-spirit?♀️
Cycles repeat selves. I will break said cycle.
I'd love to work and find a career for myself. To take care of myself and create my own life; outside of my families home.
(Which I've only really had 1 time in my life, first time in solid long term recovery at age 20 to 21.)
I put so much stress on myself about it and I'd love some feed back if anyone can relate.
I know this is got to be lengthy so just thank you very much from the bottom of my heart for reading till the end♡
Thank you. Much love. Namaste
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Hello, I'm writer Celeste Moreau.
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