Mystery Woman

Tell us more for better jobs, advice
and connections

YOUR GROUPS

Discover and join groups with like-minded women who share your interests, profession, and lifestyle.

COMPANIES YOU FOLLOW

Get alerted when there are new employee reviews.

YOUR JOB ALERTS

Get notified when new jobs are posted.

Your post is published!

Nabila12

336

11/19/19 at 7:24PM UTC

Career

Great Opportunity, Can’t Afford to Move

Hello all! Brief background: unemployed for four months, re-employed for one month at a job that barely pays the bills, has no room for advancement, and that I saw as temporary anyhow. Got the call yesterday that I am the selected finalist for my dream job with a major state agency and will receive a formal offer once I pass all required checks, but it is three hours away and requires a move. I am currently in Chapter 13 bankruptcy to give you a quick snapshot of how limited I am financially. What do I do? Pass up the opportunity that will finally launch my career at the age of 40 and take me out of the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle because I can’t afford to relocate? Loans are not a possibility because of the bankruptcy and parents are currently in their own financial crisis, so borrowing from them is out of the question. Also, two dogs and a cat are part of my pack and they are non-negotiable. Wherever I go, they go! Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!!

Join the conversation...

Patti

465

Working in tech in Colorado

12/13/19 at 4:13PM UTC

I came across this and am wondering how it is going?

Nabila12

336

12/14/19 at 4:09AM UTC

Hi there! I was, indeed, offered the job and start Monday. I still don't really have a solid plan in place, but for the very short term will be staying in an Airbnb I located through my faith community in the destination city. The hosts have agreed to pull it from the site and give me a deeply discounted weekly rate, but even that rate is about equivalent to month's worth of rent on our current apartment in the origin city. At any rate, I am going to do whatever it takes to make it work! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I will not let it pass by! Thanks for asking!!

Patti

465

Working in tech in Colorado

12/14/19 at 8:09PM UTC

I am so excited for you. Congratulations!

LEANNE TOBIAS

4.13k

Investment real estate/sustainability

11/22/19 at 9:15AM UTC

Nabila, Please do everything that you possibly can to allow you to take the job and relocate successfully. That is the best bet for financial security longer-term, both for you and your animals. For your animals: I respect your determination to keep them with you. Just in case: is there any possibility of a *temporary* foster/re-homing arrangement— perhaps in the new city?— if you can’t find suitable housing from Day 1? Financial arrangements: -Can any changes be negotiated in the terms of your Chapter 13 settlement that would help you to make this move? I know that this is complex, but any legal settlement can be renegotiated. In addition, your ability to take the new job would presumably be helpful to your creditors, so perhaps it’s worth considering this possibility. -Can you take on any part-time work before moving, to allow you to amass a first month’s rent? -Can your new employer give you an advance on salary to cover moving expenses/relocation costs? -Are there any family members, friends or acquaintances who can assist with moving expenses/relocation costs (gift, ideally or loan)? -Can you qualify for income restricted (ie affordable) housing? (It is usually targeted to households making 80% or less of area median income, based on household size. Look online to see what is available in your new city. Your determination and resilience are impressive. Congratulations on your forthcoming new job and move!

Nabila12

336

11/27/19 at 6:20PM UTC

Thank you, AN! I got and accepted the official offer yesterday. So now the hunt begins in earnest, as they want me to be there for work on December 16. I am looking at every option I can find, from couch surfing to Airbnbs. As soon as I tender my two week's notice, I am going to hit up Facebook far and wide to see if there is someone in my extended network who perhaps has a couch or extra room they can let me rent for a month or two as I find suitable permanent housing for my family. My animals will stay with my partner in our current city while I find a place in the new city. I will probably switch to a Chapter 7 filing before my income is too high. I just have to make sure that my current landlord won't seek eviction. It will also be harder to find a place to rent while I am in any sort of bankruptcy, but I will make it work. I am also going to reach out to my faith community which is very large in my new city to see how they might be able to assist. Many thanks again for your advice!

Anonymous

11/22/19 at 12:09AM UTC

I had this issue about 15 years ago. Got the job I wanted but lived 3 hours away. I spent the week at a hotel and went home on weekends until we could find a house to rent.

Nabila12

336

11/27/19 at 6:13PM UTC

Hi there--this is likely what I will do, although most hotels are too expensive. Even AirBnb doesn't offer much in the way of affordability. But I will do whatever it takes to make this work.

User deleted comment on 11/22/19 at 12:08AM UTC

CAROL MYERS

11/21/19 at 7:43PM UTC

Not sure how helpful this would be, but here's a site regarding cheap ways to find accommodations, some of which are free. You'll have to read through the page to see what may work for you, but they have a site for "luxury home sitting," one for "couch surfing," and many others. You might find something that will work for you: https://www.nomadicmatt.com/travel-tips/finding-cheap-accommodation

Nabila12

336

11/21/19 at 8:20PM UTC

Hi there! This is a great idea! Thank you so much!!

CAROL MYERS

11/21/19 at 9:57PM UTC

You're welcome! Glad I could help!

Mary Margaret McNeil-Andrews

11/21/19 at 6:55PM UTC

I've had to move cross-country twice and both times I sold off everything in my household except the absolutely bare necessities. If it didn't fit in the small U-Haul, it didn't come. It also left me with a little cash in my pocket to cover some of the deposits and things to get into my new place. To find my new place, on the first move, I spent a couple days looking around when I was there to visit the school I had just enrolled in. On the move back, I was actually moving in with a friend and she was already in the area and she would FaceTime or send me pictures of the places we were looking at.

Nabila12

336

11/21/19 at 8:19PM UTC

Hi Mary Margaret, Those are all great ideas! What a unique use of technology! If the extended family contacts in the destination city do not pan out, I am going to ask my Facebook friends if they have any reliable contacts there who could connect me landlords, perhaps host me for a bit, and as you suggested, perhaps help with a rental search via technology. I am so glad you suggested FaceTime. I hadn't even considered that avenue. I have a lot of belongings coming with me, including a family heirloom upright piano, so this will not be a small U-Haul event. That is one reason I am hoping to be able to wait awhile before moving completely. Thanks again for the great idea!

Anonymous

11/21/19 at 3:35PM UTC

I have a colleague who commutes 6 hours and stays in an air b and b 3 nights a week. She drives in early Monday, stays Tue/Wed/Thur and goes home after work Friday so she only has 3 nights of lodging. While I am a pet owner and lover, being homeless would not help your pets so it may be time to think about putting down the older one and rehoming the other. It's difficult, but your life seems to be hanging in the balance here and it's time to make difficult grown up decisions.

Nabila12

336

11/21/19 at 3:49PM UTC

Hi there. Thank you for sharing. I am certainly open to seeing if I can work remotely a day or two or commute as long as necessary, but I will not abandon or end the lives of either of my girls. They are both still relatively healthy, definitely happy, not in pain, and I made a commitment to both of them when I became their guardian that they would be in forever homes. There are always alternatives, even if they are not perfect, that I will accept to make sure my girls are with me until the natural end of their lives. I do believe that this opportunity, should it materialize, will be a turning point in my life. But I will not go about this in a way that traumatizes or harms my dogs. I have no children and likely never will. These are my true babies and once I accepted responsibility for their well-being, I made a lifelong commitment to them. It is just that simple in my mind. However, thank you for sharing your friend's story. It lets me know that there are women out there making similar choices and successfully navigating difficult situations. Besides, I know my partner is not in a rush to move to the new city, so it would be kind to him to take this as slowly as finances and practicality will allow.

Brandi

HR Community Builder & People Person

11/21/19 at 12:42AM UTC

I'm not sure I'll add anything that someone hasn't already said, but I recently was in dire straits financially and needed to move cross country with my 2 cats. I asked for a relocation bonus and got one. I know it's the gov't but it's worth a chance to ask

Nabila12

336

11/21/19 at 2:27AM UTC

Thanks, Brandi! I will definitely ask.

Laura Andrews

Seasoned IT Leader: Enterprise system expert

11/20/19 at 9:19PM UTC

There are some awesome suggestions here. The only thing I will add is that if you temporarily re-home your pets, you will be in a better financial position to support them when you can re-group. It is a lesson a lot of parents have to learn. It is painful, but necessary. Best wishes!

Nabila12

336

11/21/19 at 2:27AM UTC

Hi there. Simply not an option in my case. The two dogs are elderly, 14 and 10, and the 10-year-old is experiencing incontinence and aggression issues and my 14-year-old has a congenital issue with her feet that causes mobility issues. She is tiny, but needs a lot of attention. She is also litter box trained, but has been having issues in the last two months eliminating in the appropriate place, so she also needs TLC and patience that only her mommy who has been with her since she was 6 weeks old can provide. It is heartbreaking to watch my girls age, but I simply do not have anyone who can care for them with all of their special needs and abandonment is not an option. If they were younger, I have no doubt that my parents would take care of them, but they do not even let them come visit anymore because of the amount of preparation it takes to dog proof their home (putting up rugs, covering furniture, etc.).

Heather Neal

741

Remote Strategist + Mom to Rack Kitty!

11/20/19 at 6:43PM UTC

Hi! It looks like a lot of people have shared some great tips. I really hope that you are able to stay with some distant relatives or find some temporary housing there that is somewhat affordable. Rooting for you!