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Talked Over by Boss
Today, I spent all morning prepping for an afternoon meeting that I believed I was running. It is possible that I misunderstood, but I thought my boss had said that she wanted me to take charge and she would just be there if I needed anything. I had a whole agenda mapped out, and was confident with my plan.
The meeting started, and almost immediately after we all said "Hello", my internet glitched, and I was booted from the Zoom. I logged back on immediately, and was absent for maybe a minute. When I returned, my boss was talking. Not wanting to interrupt, I patiently waited for her to hand over to me. She never did. The most I got was a couple of seconds to add a small comment, and then she would begin talking again.
I wonder if she mistook the internet glitch for my being in trouble and needing her to intervene. But the thing is, this is not the first time this has happened. Whenever she says she wants me to be in control of a meeting, she ends up taking over. We also have very different styles of running meetings. I like to prep everything, set agendas and make presentations. She is a fan of "just winging it." Consequently, whenever she interrupts, it completely throws me off and I have trouble getting back on track.
How do I address this issue with my boss?
Cindy Onyekwelu
Software Engineer in San Antonio
18
10/26/20 at 10PM UTC
Have a 1 to 1 conversation with your boss. She might be assuming that you're not comfortable with public speaking so she keeps jumping to your rescue. Tell her that, she needs to give you more talking time, so you can show her that your up for the challenge. Never talk over your boss during a client meeting, but message via chat to her during the meeting to inform her that you want to share something with the client and you would love it if she passed it over to you.
Abigail ChurchOrganizational Development Professional
97
10/21/20 at 10:13AM UTC
Everything above is great!
I think it's also good to remember that evaluating performance isn't a one-way street between supervisors and reports. I think ensuring you are having a candid yet respectful conversation with your supervisor about her tendencies and the impact they have on you is important. Starting the conversation off by expressing what you feel like has been asked of you in the past, the expectations you had in that space, and what you experienced then asking her to express the same will help you to have the right conversation about how to move forward.
I offer this advice from personal experience. I work for a small company and our owner has a tendency to take over meetings. I have mechanisms I use to regain control of the meeting and then I chat with him after to gain a better understanding of why he felt he needed to step in. These conversations have helped us function in a way that he isn't able to keep control of the meetings he wasn't tasked with leading.
Shanna CookDirector, Social Media and Influencer Marketing
31
10/20/20 at 6:02PM UTC
Agree with what everyone said above. I'd also add sharing the link to the agenda the day before with everyone, and assigning speaking areas different people/owners for each part of the meeting agenda. This shows your ownership of the meeting and delegates parts out to others, so you can lead but takes work off of your plate while also enabling others to feel prepared/take ownership as well.
Jennifer A
968
10/20/20 at 3:48PM UTC
You said something important in your statement - your boss is fond of 'winging it'. Some people are like that but often when people think I am winging it, it's actually a carefully constructed plan to get folks on the same page as I am but make them think it's there idea.
That being said - I currently work for a woman who is happy to let me take the lead on a meeting BUT she is always going to have her say. She doesn't think she is interrupting but rather she is 'redirecting' and 'bringing everyone up to speed'. I agree with others that you two need to speak. I had to do this with my boss.
Next time you have an internet glitch, consider the following. When you get back on line wait for a slight pause and then thank you boss for taking over while you had technical issues then ASSUME control. Don't wait for her to give it to you. Be very tactful and if she doesn't give it over, be prepared to step back but at least try. Some phrases that I like are:
Thank you - that's a great point. Would you mind terribly if we discuss this in just a moment when we discuss .
Thank you - I very much appreciate you covering for me during my technical issue. I realize this is an important point that I think needs to be addressed. Might we go over it in a moment after I present the agenda?
I also like - 'to your point, , this aligns with agenda item . Do we need to move that conversation up to now or should I note it for when we hit that item?
Remember most bosses are there to lead - it's the rare boss that is there to teach you to lead. It sounds like you have the former and you might need to teach them how to step back and let you shine!
Good Luck!
Ajdenery MBA, Problem solver & efficiency creator
1.47k
10/20/20 at 2:33PM UTC
In addition to the one on one suggestions above, I would also ask how aware she was of your agenda for the meeting. Especially if this is a new area of growth for you, sharing the agenda with her in advance signals that you are prepared, gives her an opportunity to provide input or even correct your assumption that you’re running the show if need be. My best advice would be to up your communication game.
Lael Beckwith
59
10/20/20 at 2:18PM UTC
All of the above are great suggestions. I would add that if you find that doesn't work, schedule a few quick minutes and ask if you can review your meeting plan with her prior to the next one. Ask if you've addressed everything she wants, and if she has any pointers.
If she is concerned about making sure it's done well, this ensures she sees in advance that you have a structure and knows you plan to hit all the items she wants to address. If she's doing it unconsciously, it may simply prepare her expectations in a way that lead her to defer to you.
I would also suggest that, assuming no further technology glitches, you start the meeting promptly and with a strong voice, specifically referencing the agenda, to try to set the tone. You may find others assist you keep to that plan by asking questions which refer back to agenda items.
Cindy AllenLogistics Regulatory Affairs & Compliance
150
10/20/20 at 1:01PM UTC
I would set a meeting and outline your goals with your boss and ask for her help in achieving them. Make one of them leading initiatives (which would naturally include leading the meetings). Then clarify her expectations of you. Indicate - tactfully - that your understanding was that your boss wanted you to lead the last meeting, ask if you misunderstood. She could just be unaware of her natural inclination to take over as not everyone is hyper aware of their own tendencies that thwart the growth of others. Ask if she has any guidance or feedback on your skills in leading meetings. Outline that you’d like to ensure you help her meet her own goals and that you’d like to understand how to do that. Then the next time she asks you to lead a meeting, clarify in writing via email back to your boss. “Thank you for the opportunity to lead the next meeting on (date) regarding (subject). I look forward to your feedback after the session.” Then set a review meeting the day or week before the meeting to go over your agenda, presentation and talking points. Give her a specific role in the meeting so she doesn’t feel left out. Hopefully she will take a more businesslike approach and you can come to a middle point. This will also require you to be more flexible. Good luck!
Erica Colaianne
22
10/17/20 at 12:28AM UTC
Hi! I recommend putting together a document that outlines some of your goals—perhaps one of them is to lead more meetings—and request a meeting to review this with her. You can explain that you want to have these experiences to evolve your skillset and become even more of a valuable asset to the team. In that meeting, I would use what you shared as an example by explaining that you prepared to run the meeting and since that didn't happen you just wanted to inquire if there was something she was hoping you would do differently, or if it was just genuinely because of a brief internet flitch.
You could also share some of your ideas with her for running meetings, and any other tactics to achieve goals, and ask for her feedback and recommendations. A good leader should be providing you with the opportunities and empowering your growth. Maybe it will remain more top-of-mind at the next meeting if you present her with ideas, have a thorough discussion, and welcome her thoughts on the best path forward to achieving your goals and the organization's goals.
Angelica PatlánHuman Resources Nonconformist
37
10/16/20 at 11PM UTC
Hello! I would suggest requesting a meeting with her, or if you have regular one-on-one's you can bring this up then. I would phrase it as 'I wanted to check-in about the meeting on (date) and ensure that we were on the same page moving forward.' I would ask how she views your role in those meetings and for feedback. This way, it is phrased as more of a learning experience. You can ascertain her perspective, strengthen your communication with her, and acquire input for the next meetings to be better than ever.
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