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Anonymous
05/02/20 at 3:50PM UTC
in
Career

Struggling to Stay Professionally Positive, Productive

What, please, am I not understanding about how to function well in the work environment? I’m a mid 40s, career-minded, never married, childless female. I am educated, hardworking, high functioning, ethical and, in general, happy with a pretty healthy sense of humor and sense of self combined with a fair dose of common sense. I have worked mostly in sales/development and marcom roles. I have risen to executive-level leadership roles (in title and salary) in FTE and been a solopreneur. But…I have failed to find a long-term professional home and consistently shed previous professional connections because – and bear with me – I find my interactions with people, on the whole, seriously disappointing. (I really do try to see the best in people first.) I do not think everyone thinks like me or has to have the same level of work ethic I do, but I am not by nature self-centered, a complainer, a gossiper or a blame-shifter. If I’m hired to do a job, I get up every day feeling as though I need to earn my pay. (I’m one of those people who works through the flu, vacations, etc.) I seek to be a good team member and employee/r, feeling acutely the responsibility and accountability of my role and how it affects the larger picture. Along the way, I have been sexually harassed (more than once), marginalized, manipulated, lied to/about and shamed. And, yes, I realize these experiences are not unique to me and, yes, I realize I am the only constant in any of my situations and the only one who can control my actions/reactions/future. I am not perfect. I have made mistakes and tried my best to learn from them, not repeat them and apologized when/where possible. I have done workshops, webinars, trainings, seminars, read books, talked to friends/mentors, engaged with life coaches, etc. to adjust my behavior, thinking and expectations so I can not just survive but thrive. Others – who do far less or no self-development – seems to be able to grin and bear it for a paycheck. Others – less qualified, some even shady, who repeatedly shrug off their responsibilities – get promoted. I hear and read and see all these examples of supportive and respectful work environments, but I’ve also seen behind the curtain on many of those and the realities don’t match the hype. While I respect position and authority, I’m not a game-player or bum-kisser and that’s been suggested as problematic to my success. I’ve been told I’m too black-and-white (sometimes in matters that have real life and/or legal ramifications). I’ve been told my mere presence is intimidating (I’m tall, dress well) and that I have high (too high) standards. I completely understand hard work alone isn’t always enough, and my friends and professional connections would tell you I’m an experienced networker and a ‘pay it forward’ person. I volunteer when I can and seek ways to support my community. I am fully aware the world/life isn’t always fair and I’m not crying ‘woe is me.’ I’m really – truly – trying to figure out what is it that I’m missing…that I don’t understand? What else should I be doing to either enjoy a work environment no matter what dynamics are at play and/or find a work environment that lives up to its hype as honest, encouraging, productive?

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Beth Caldwell
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572
Founder of Leadership Academy for Women
05/04/20 at 7PM UTC
WELL--you obviously make others uncomfortable, as many confident female leaders do. This is difficult and disappointing but I do believe that there are many like us. I would suggest that you start your own business, you are obviously qualified, but you seem to want to work for a company. You may need to seriously screen out the companies you apply to. I suggest that you apply only to companies that are innovative, forward thinking and growing. It's not the norm, but there are companies out there that enjoy high standards and a positive culture-maybe look at working for a personal growth company like ThriveGlobal or MindValley? When the stores open again, head to your nearest Barnes and Noble and grab a copy of Success, Mindful Business and Entrepreneur Magazines. Look at who advertises in these publications and what conferences are being planned. THOSE are your people. Good luck!
Anonymous
05/04/20 at 8:35PM UTC
Thank you for this response! Technically, I have my own 'single shingle,' but I keep using it as bridge to FTE. The opinions are gathering that, perhaps, it's time to go full force! Wishing you continued success in all your endeavors...
obe
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464
05/04/20 at 2:27PM UTC
My twin! And I thought it was all in my head with all my other cohorts. I always knew I was a rockstar like you. A therapist once asked me in my quest for confirmation “do they (employer) know you’re disgruntled?” All I could picture is me wearing army fatigues with an AK47 strapped and ready for a takedown. Needless to say that was my last copay for therapy and many, many years later I have found my own inner sanctum. And definitely not with violence I may add.
Anonymous
05/04/20 at 8:36PM UTC
Thank you for this reply! So glad you have found your inner sanctum. Be well!
Tanika (Nika) Vasquez - (she/her)
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655
Dynamic, forward-thinking business professional
05/04/20 at 12:12AM UTC
Thank you for sharing your story. Your self-awareness is impressive. I recently heard the phrase, I don't compare where I don't compete. We have a tendency as women to compare ourselves to other women but we shouldn't because those women are not competing with us. We compete with ourselves. We all make mistakes! Admitting and learning from those mistakes are vital for growth. I believe that you have done that. I am 5'3 and I have been told I am intimidating to people because I like to learn and I know a lot of information. I am 40 years old and I have been working at my male dominated organization for over 20 years. Don't change because people are intimidated by you. You are fabulous! Keep doing you. Every organization has workplace politics but you don't have to engage in it, however you do have to recognize the players so you know how to handle interactions with them. Are you content in your current role?
Anonymous
05/04/20 at 1:09PM UTC
Thank you for your thoughtful answer. I am currently freelancing...and I do enjoy the freedom of that...but I would really like to be part of a positive, productive team.
Tanika (Nika) Vasquez - (she/her)
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655
Dynamic, forward-thinking business professional
05/05/20 at 12:53AM UTC
You can volunteer at an organization and be part of a productive team. I volunteer for a women’s group and I get to engage with a diverse team of women that parter to host events, create newsletters, and uplift and inspire women.
Anonymous
05/02/20 at 8:28PM UTC
I am going to turn 40 this year and I've experienced all that in my late 20's and early 30's. It took me a long time to realize not everyone is like me. I use to take things personally and get upset when people didn't take their job as seriously as I did. But, I had to learn to let things go and move forward. I had to really concentrate on my work and not pat attention to everyone elses work. I know as a business manager you have to look at everyone , but look at everyone that counts or your're going to drive yourself crazy. I always tell myself to breathe or I take a break. Sometimes it's not even them and it's me. Just remember no one is perfect. Just be happy that you've reached your highest goal because not everyone can say that about their selves, I know I can't.
Anonymous
05/04/20 at 1:41PM UTC
Thank you for taking the time to respond! I am far from perfect and certainly not at the top of my game yet. There's still time and much opportunity out there for us both...I'm sure. Be well!
Jay D.
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36
05/04/20 at 3:03AM UTC
Thumbs up on this! Very helpful
Anonymous
05/02/20 at 7PM UTC
You could be putting up walls so that they can't find disappoint in you first. It's also a form of armor since women are frequently subject to disappointment when we trust in life. Being similar in what you have described in work and personal life, though not as high achieving as you, just give people a chance. That's what are therapist told me once. It is extremely hard to do and the biggest challenge in my life. But letting go is everything. Not caring what most people think helps a lot. Everybody cares what other people think even if they claim they don't. Good luck to you. P.S. Therapy has helped me a lot if you haven't tried it already.
Anonymous
05/02/20 at 7:01PM UTC
Oops typos. See? I'm hard on myself which makes me then judge others too. ?
Anonymous
05/04/20 at 1:18PM UTC
Thank you for taking the time to respond! 'Letting go' is a constant battle for me. I'll keep working on it! Wishing you much luck as well in all your endeavors.
Alison Mallard
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11
05/02/20 at 5:48PM UTC
Wow, I feel as if we're leading parallel lives! Your overview describes so many of my experiences. While I have no answer, seeing your message made me feel less alone. What has helped me is creating a personal mission...staying true to myself. That way my gifts feed my work, no matter the environment. Good luck.
Anonymous
05/04/20 at 1:14PM UTC
Thank you for taking the time to respond! I'm sorry you had similar experiences and am glad to hear a personal mission statement can be of help. Wishing you continued health, happiness and success!
User deleted comment on 05/04/20 at 1:10PM UTC

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