How do I tackle the guilt of not working?

Question

I'm already working longer hours than I did at the office, but whenever I decide to get off a little early I can't stop thinking about all the work I have to do. I'll worry about it until I go to sleep! My team has communicated that we're understaffed so I've tried to pick up some slack but I also don't want anyone to work too late. How do I find balance and avoid feeling so guilty?

Anonymous · Answer

I do this too, almost every day. Maybe we have to identify what it is that's scaring us into working more and feeling guilty about trying to step away. What is the fear?

Brandy Beauchamp · Answer

This is such a hot button! I have struggled with this as well. I agree with others that say that it is not fun to set and stick to working hours but it is required.  When I developed and taught leadership training, I realized that this is something that needs taught and practiced by some. Sometimes a visual reminder helps you stay on track. Here are the hours I have today to fit in work, family, pets, food, etc. How much do I really want/need to dedicate for real-z each day. You may start feeling guilty for not spending time on other things if it is smack dab in your face.
 As for the feeling guilty about your employees doing more work, a great trait of a leader is maintaining the rapport but there is more than that. Really going above and beyond when you can and encourage that team environment so when everything hits the fan your employees are ready to step up. Just keep the communication strong and be transparent so they realize you are in the trenches with them as well.  Hope some of those thoughts help.

Laura McCann · Answer

Totally understand where you are at.  I feel like that all the time.  I read this great article the other day on 'windowed working'.  I am a fan of setting hours when I work and taking those breaks to recharge.  It's hard but it must be done.

Maria Molinari · Answer

I can understand feeling guilty so much so that it takes over. You do not want to overwork yourself!! If you are already working longer hours than usual, that is already more time to get more done but not more time for you to worry! Can you tell what is more worrisome? Worrying about the workload of your co workers? or maybe worrying about the amount of work you will have the next day? The pandemic has put the stress levels through the roof and I think if you can find what is worrying you the most, you can then work on how to overcome it.

Jacquelyn Lloyd · Answer

Pick 1-2 things that must be accomplished today. Do them and any other bits and pieces you can fit in (but only after the imperatives are complete) and chalk up the day to a win. Spend 10-15 minutes planning for the next day and the day after before knocking off. Identify/adjust your next days 1-2 imperatives during your planning time.  Planning for the next day or two helps you get control of your expectations and goals.

Gwyn Gaubatz · Answer

The thing is, there will always be more work to do.  It's one thing to put in some long days to help get over a hump of some kind, but you shouldn't feel obligated to always be 'on' for your job, especially if the need to over-exert to keep up with the pace of business has been going on for an extended period of time.  That's a resourcing/workload problem that's bigger than just your personal effort, and you can't hope to solve it by personally running yourself ragged.  You've mentioned that your team is understaffed - you, personally, shouldn't be responsible for making up for the absence of one (or more!) missing headcount. That's not sustainable or  reasonable.  Open communication about capacity and priorities with the team and management may be helpful to establish what is feasible to accomplish /shift your efforts and energy to the most important projects.

Just because you could, in theory, be spending the time working - doesn't mean that you should or must do so.  Your life and time outside of work are incredibly important!  You don't owe your job every hour of yours that's otherwise unstructured.

As mentioned above, setting some boundaries - using certain space for work, setting boundaries with the times you work or the type of thought you put towards your job once you are 'off the clock'  - can be really helpful putting some mental distance between yourself and your job. It may also be useful to try to build some kind of habit or transition activity to shift you mentally out of 'work' mode - assuming you are WFH at present, you've likely lost the physical/mental time of transitioning from 'work' to 'after work' that happens during a commute home. If you are just closing one laptop and picking up your personal device from the same seat at the table, it's no surprise you are having trouble turning off your work brain! Maybe try going for a walk, doing some mindless chores, or trying some mindfulness exercises like meditation  to help you transition to down time would help.

The other commenters are spot-on about taking some time to be introspective.  Guilt is an interesting emotion in this context because it implies you are doing something wrong - but there is nothing wrong about treating your job like what it is - a job, not a 24/7 obligation.  It's a place you dedicate a certain amount of time and effort towards in order to secure a paycheck and some benefits.  Given this, it may be useful to try to shift your perspective from what you feel guilt over, to what you feel responsible for. You aren't responsible for single-handedly solving all the problems and workload issues at your job! You may be responsible for putting your best faith efforts towards moving things forward for the length of a reasonable workday.  Don't bother feeling guilty if you are already fulfilling (or exceeding!) those responsibilities.

My comment looks like a novella because I've struggled with this too, and it's neither fun nor productive, in the long run.  Overwork leads to diminishing returns over time, and ultimately burnout if you push too hard for too long and/or neglect taking time and mental space to nurture yourself as a human person, not just an employee performing labor.  And even if you aren't working, but are spending the rest of your time constantly ruminating on work that was still piling up, you still aren't getting the benefit of time away from the job. Ultimately I just had to give myself permission to step away and decide not to let anxious thoughts take up real estate in my head. It wasn't a one-and-done decision, though; it's been a series of conversations I have with myself when I notice my thoughts getting pulled into cycles of guilt or worry about work looming. I literally have to say to myself things like, 'I've already put in the time I can give to this today. I need and deserve time to eat/exercise/rest/relax/<insert your own personal priorities here!>.' I would also find it helpful to step outside my own head and consider whether my boss/team/peers were likely to be thinking and worrying about work at that exact time, too (YMMV if everybody is feeling the same pressure at your job, though!) - and usually I would realize that, no, they were probably just living their lives, and would do so until we checked back in the next morning.

If you need a capitalist rationale to justify anything, it's 100% true that you will be more efficient, effective, and capable of performing if you have adequate space and rest to recuperate and invest in other parts of your life. But also just, the other parts of your life matter, and you matter, so try to give yourself a break about it, and leave the guilt behind.  Good luck!

KimmieFH · Answer

The above responses are great, it might be helpful to take some introspective time to figure that out.

Another suggestion might just be to work on your boundaries/mentality. I'm not sure if you were working from home or not before but it sounds like when you log off your brain is still in work-mode. It may be a spacial thing (it's so close and so easy to just log on) or maybe you're just not used to leaving things undone so you're having trouble severing ties. Maybe before you log off create 'appointments' to get back to certain projects or tasks the next day that way it sets a mental boundary. Or it may be helpful to think about a time you've worked while tired or when you hadn't gotten a break in a while and it didn't turn out well. Remembering that rest is a part of the work work process might help your busy brain. Hope this helps!

Michelle Verquer · Answer

I agree with Anonymous. Maybe reflect on why you feel guilty/scared? Guilt can be a powerful motivator if we let it. Both good and bad...call your parent/friend you haven't spoken to in a long time (good). Wake up in the middle of the night anxious to check your work email (bad).  Either way, it is best to understand what is contributing to that and why and then set parameters around it for it not to derail us from leading healthy and well-intended lives. Also do you have the support at work to communicate those concerns/feelings? Would you feel more empowered and more capable of managing the situation knowing it wasn't 'just me' as a first step? Increased communications with managers also can be helpful, especially in periods of transition. How has your communications with your manager changed since the move to WFH? Do you feel you have clarity on what is a priority; to keep aligned and focused on the right work at the right time?  Take care of yourself!

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