Boss interrupted and yelled at me

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Anonymous

12/24/20 at 4:18AM UTC

Career

Boss interrupted and yelled at me

Hi all - I need to vent. I am still upset about a staff mtg my company had this week. My boss gave a report about Committee A. She asked about other Committee reports. I began giving a report on Committee B when she interrupted me and yelled "Did you hear what I just said?" I replied "yes. I am just giving my report. Committee B doesn't kn ow what's happening with Committee A. I am simply updating you on where Committee B is at." I was so shaken by the interruption and the fact that she didn't connect I was giving an update. It's upsetting to think she couldn't see that - yes, our committee updates were counter to each other because those committees don't know yet where the other stands. Then I had to defend another decision i made that both the CEO and VP criticized me publicly about. I was asked a bunch of questions on what committees are doing and such and when i said I would pull up the info they said they didn't want to wait - meanwhile we all waited when the VP stopped the meeting to pull up her reports. I feel like there are things I can do to be better prepared but i also feel hurt and attacked by the manner which she (they) did it. Just looking for a little support, commiseration - need to vent and I appreciate this community for the support and advice:

23 Comments

Chiara Bonvini

12/24/20 at 4:39AM UTC

I am very sorry to hear that...being mistreated hurts and I don't think can help to improve any skills. Unfortunately everybody is human and not many people are able to separate their personal issues from the work situation and so they often bring their discontent on those who they have around. It's good that you are reacting thinking on what you can improve and I would suggest you to focus on how you can do things better, in a way that would make you feel proud of your improvement. People can hurt only when they touch something that is delicate within us or when we allow a space for them to do it. If this event was an unusual happening, try to let it sly from your shoulders, considering that as an event to forgive, but not to forget. If this behaviour should often repeat itself you might think about talk to your boss about it and trying to communicate your thoughts. I wish you a better week and a peaceful holiday!

Courtney Pulitzer Joubeaud

12/24/20 at 3:41PM UTC

Thank you so very much for your comment!

Anonymous

12/25/20 at 6:31PM UTC

I was once yelled at by a supervisor in front of my work colleagues. I amazingly took it in stride and forced her words to roll right off me. I continued to do my work and pretended as if I wasn't affected. Of course, it did affect me and it still does many years later. I hate that hag and wish awful things on her. What it did motivate me to do is job search for better opportunities. Several months after that incident, I put in my two weeks for a better paying job in a better city. She was so furious because I did so much of the work for that office. She looked so visibly upset that she had to step in another room and speak to another supervisor after I told everyone I was leaving. She even begged me a day after I left the office if I could assist with something. It was the night before I had to board a plane to my new job. Success is the best revenge. Forget those jerks. Focus on your work and put aside some personal time to network and job search. You will find better opportunities either within your company or elsewhere.

2 Replies

Anonymous

12/26/20 at 2:56PM UTC

This might be great advice, unless it isn’t. Some people just aren’t in situations, nor do they have the specifications where they can just find a new job. Everything has changed since Covid19 and almost everyone is more vulnerable than they used to be. So I’m just going to take this opportunity to validate this person. What happened to them is unacceptable! Hopefully they can find their voice and do themselves a service by pulling the proper person aside and giving them a piece of their mind. Letting this kind of behavior go unaddressed, lowers the bar for everyone as to what is an acceptable work culture. I’m tired of hearing others say, just eat it and move on, or take the high road. Bullies need to be called out.

User deleted comment on 01/02/21 at 8:31PM UTC

Anonymous

01/02/21 at 12:51AM UTC

It got me a much higher paying job. Sometimes hate does drive people to achieve larger things rather than being complacent with the status quo.

User deleted comment on 01/02/21 at 8:31PM UTC

Wanda Shaw

12/28/20 at 9:43PM UTC

While I agree that being successful is the best revenge, it translates in different ways and not necessarily in a new job. Sometimes, it means taking a moment to assess why you were being targeted. In my opinion trying to get a handle on why gives you the power to rise above pettiness and someone's tantrum, making you look like you're in control and impervious . When folks lash out, most times there's an undelying reason that probably has nothing whatsoever to do with the person they're directing the frustration to. Perhaps that VP is being leaned on by a her superior. Stay in control and work on the areas that you can improve on. Now, here's the caveat though. If you're being singled out every time, then you need to either take this up with the person and HR or begin another job search.

Jacquelyn Lloyd

431

HR Consultant

12/26/20 at 2:58PM UTC

That sounds like a very uncomfortable situation. Playing "Gotcha" in meetings is never useful. If this is the first time this has happened, it's totally appropriate for you to tell you boss that you were surprised and confused by the response to you speaking. Reassure her that you want to support her and ask her if there is something you can do differently to be better prepared next time. If you already know what it is - then tell her that. I would ask her directly to give you feedback privately if possible it the future. "I appreciate your feedback, it really caught me off guard in the boardroom and I'm not sure I actually took it in. Next time, would you mind waiting until we are alone?" It will feel more constructive and like less of an attack. Good luck!

Roberta

277

12/26/20 at 4:18PM UTC

Here's my advice: stop being so convinced that YOU are the one with the problem here. Seriously...sit with that for a while and remember: it's probably not you.

KLeon

12/26/20 at 6:39PM UTC

Yelling at someone in a work meeting is not acceptable. It is unprofessional and should be considered unprofessional by everyone in the meeting. It's a hotheaded emotional outburst. I think it would upset and haunt anyone who receives this kind of treatment.

Hallie Picarello

12/27/20 at 2:15PM UTC

This is how my mom is treated EVERY DAY in her job. I’ve been telling her for years to quit her job, but she thinks she’s too old to start over somewhere new. She is the best at what she does and people tell her that every day. What she does for the company (which is plain for all to see) greatly impacts sales; all her coworkers remark on what an amazing job she does. But as soon as the boss strolls by, it’s berate berate berate! My mom has a thick skin, but when she comes home and tells me EVERY DAY about what her horrible boss did to her today, it makes me actually cry sometimes for her. I could never take that abuse every day. I would turn into a puddle of low self-esteem immediately.

1 Reply

Chivo Ramirez

12/27/20 at 11:22PM UTC

You would think we have evolved out of the 1930's style of worker treatment. But my former boss talked and didn't sincerely listen. Last August we had California Wildfires all over. I was in a TEAMS meeting with him, and a sheriff knocked on our door and said that we had to get out of our house now. I told him we were being evacuated, and he kept talking. I left that company in mid-November, it paid very well, but I do not regret leaving. They have all of these explanations about being assertive to abusive people. Most times it doesn't work. The abuser may stop and you have to continually keep on it, creating work and stress. Sometimes the abuser will pick up their abuse, its because they have mental issues, and its going to continue . Its a fairy tail that the abuser stops, apologizes and everything is fine. its all about self respect.

Mariel Young

12/27/20 at 2:46PM UTC

I agree, it hurts and is embarrassing to be spoken to or yelled at that way in front of your colleagues, it’s not professional behavior. If your leader has feedback, especially first time feedback, it should be given offline and in a constructive manner. I would approach the situation a few ways. 1. have a discussion with your leader to see if they can provide some clear feedback on why the updates received this type of reaction. Nothing warrants being yelled at publicly but it seems odd that three levels of leaders had an adverse reaction, maybe there are things you can do to prepare differently for the meetings that you were not aware of, your leader should support you on that. Sometimes a minor tweak makes all the difference 2. provide clear feedback to your leader on what you need to ensure the committee work is aligned so you can be successful. If you don’t have insight into what the other committees are doing and it negatively impacts your work, you should talk to your leader and they should provide you with that guidance and support. 3. if your leader is behaving this way toward others or it has occurred multiple times even after you had a conversation with them you may want to discuss with your HR rep to see how this behavior can be addressed or corrected. Good luck!

Ashley Cheretes

Marketing Leader

12/27/20 at 3:01PM UTC

I think there are two questions you should ask yourself before next steps: Is this the first time something like this has happened with your manager? Have you witnessed this behavior with your colleagues? I'm not excusing her behavior by any means, but as leaders, we can have an off day now and again especially during these very stressful times. If this behavior is a regular occurrence and has been for a while, you most likely will not change it, and it may be accepted by your senior leadership. Then, you may want to consider entertaining new opportunities, and the best time to look is while you're still employed. If it truly is a one-off, you may want to address it with your leader privately. I think it's totally appropriate to ask if they are OK and then go on to explain that you were surprised at their reaction in that meeting. That way, you're addressing it in a caring way but also not letting it slide. Good luck!

Anonymous

12/27/20 at 3:10PM UTC

Our boss is a bully, yeller, and intimidator. She is abusive - she has to work at not taking her anger and frustrations out on everyone else. Our work environment is extremely hostile - the organization is located in a small, rural college town, a non-profit with no functioning HR department. The organization is run like a fiefdom. I am an experienced professional and I have never seen such corruption. I was lied to in the interview about the organizational culture and opportunities there. It is very difficult to confront this type of supervisor. Quite honestly, I don't feel there is any win for you in talking to her about it. What I found helpful is to push back in small, very centered ways - done with confidence. A lot of direct stares and silence. You could try shutting down when her behavior starts during meetings. Sit with dignity and confidence and self-respect (head held high and direct eye contact). What you want to do is leave her with all of her negative energy and behaviors so that it is clear she is the problem. Believe me, she will get this because people like this know exactly what they are doing. It's sort of a Zen approach. Most importantly, it will be a self-empowering, growth thing for you. Are you prepared to compromise in the form of a longer commute for a better work environment or take less pay? I see my colleagues will tolerate horrid behavior because they don't want to make the effort to look for a job, don't like change, just want to complain, or have a defeatest attitude. Corrupt environments take advantage of all this. I won't be staying in my situation although COVID has provided a telework environment - all communication in email and Zoom - a brief reprieve, as every day in the office was a nightmare. Funny thing is she would lean into the laptop camera to intimidate. That's when I said to myself enough is enough. I'm fortunate that I view my life as always having potential. Also, I live with an idea of flexibility (I can move at will). Thing is you have to put up with it for a time so that you don't appear to be leaving a job too soon. All the best to you and your colleagues. The struggle is real.

LaDonna Collins

12/27/20 at 3:53PM UTC

Your supervisor’s behavior says a lot about the culture of your workplace. Organizations that tolerate this type of behavior become toxic. I would encourage you to do your job to the best of your ability while you seek other opportunities. Once you find a better position, resign and request an exit interview with your supervisor. Honest feedback from you, may help her realize how her unprofessional behavior hurts the entire organization.

JoAnn

12/27/20 at 4:09PM UTC

I reread your post a few times. It almost sounds like you are working in a silo with little communication on status. I would suggest giving more frequent updates outside of meetings. It was unclear why your boss was giving the update to committee A unless they were also leading that effort.

Marci Diaz Apple

112

Media and Communications Enthusiast

12/27/20 at 5:29PM UTC

Unacceptable. I’m sorry you were treated this way. Many times there are emotionally incompetent people placed in leadership positions. Talent and drive, unfortunately, are traits that sometimes land jerks in roles that are truly suited for compassionate and empathetic leaders.

Jodie Johnson

208

Integrity Matters!

12/27/20 at 11:25PM UTC

I feel for you and will add that this is quite unprofessional; yelling and interrupting others usually gets nixed in elementary school. Take some deep breaths and consider this: the arrested development doesn't begin with you. ?Hugs xx

Cyndy Trivella

Managing Partner, Media & Marketing Consultancy

12/28/20 at 1:34PM UTC

Sorry this happened to you. Bully bosses are never fun. My advice to you is advice I just gave to a friend. Compose a well-written email to the person in Human Resources who handles employee relations. Write the email, but don't send it immediately. Go back to it and re-read it. Make sure it's comprehensive and covers details of the situation. I know it will be difficult, but try to leave your emotions out of it, just state the facts of what happened and be very definitive. The email should be focused on the unprofessional behaviours of the people in the meeting and not how they hurt your feelings. Many companies frown down on unprofessional interactions like what you experienced, so make it's about them and not you. This tact worked very successfully for my friend and the situation was addressed immediately. My friend was told that her boss was toxic and this was not the first time HR had to address this boss's bad attitude. You may find this is true in your situation, as well. All in all, the purpose of contacting HR via email is to ensure you have a documented paper trail to fall back on should this arise again. Good luck!

Kelley

Higher Education professional in Upstate NY

12/30/20 at 3:16PM UTC

I’m very sorry about this. I commend you for realizing where you may need to make improvements as well, while also realizing the issues in how you were treated. Your own improvements can bring you to the next level and hopefully help with avoiding something like this again. However, this is also not your fault and not how you should be treated. I had a similar situation where I was yelled at in a meeting where I was giving information based on what I had found out about a situation and was still fairly new to the job, so I didn’t yet have a full understanding of the ins and outs of the department. It took a bit of time to muster the courage, but I eventually had a conversation with the supervisor who yelled at me and explained my side as well as how I felt belittled by what he said and how he did it (tone of voice and public forum). He hadn’t realized and eventually apologized, complimented me on what I was doing well and reassured me that I was a good employee. We talked through how to improve on situations like these for the future and have a descent working relationship now. Perhaps you need to have a private chat with your supervisor and the others. Best of luck and I’m sorry again for what you dealt with.