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Anonymous

11/17/20 at 3:23PM UTC

Career

Approached for job

I was recently approached by my bosses boss, he told me that HR wanted to see if I'd be interested in another role in a different group. I didn't realize at the time that they were seeking me specifically, I didn't realize until after I said no. The job is a LOT of travel, norm would be 75% and sometimes more, I told him I wasn't interested in that much travel. Now the more that I think about it the more I worry that it's going to be extremely career limiting, but at the same time that's so much time away from home, I think it would make me quite unhappy. Before this I would have said that you can never say no when approached, but it's not just a position change it would be a big life change. What are you're thoughts?

56 Comments

galros

776

Engineering Manager for food manufacturing site

11/17/20 at 3:25PM UTC

If the job isn't suitable, there's no point in taking it. If 75+% travel was up for grabs in my place, I would be running a mile, and my superiors know that. But things appear to be different in the US.

1 Reply

Anonymous

11/17/20 at 3:35PM UTC

Running away or towards?

1 Reply

galros

776

Engineering Manager for food manufacturing site

11/17/20 at 4:20PM UTC

Running a mile defintely means away. That amount of travel wouldn't suit me at all.

Terrie Stearns McWhorter

223

11/17/20 at 3:32PM UTC

Never regret putting your family first. It is a hard lesson learned by some. You just know now that when approached next time you can say, will you let me think about it...That being said...Is there a possibility of "trying" the position out? Speak with HR and tell them your trepidations. See what they say. Simply tell them that you have had time to think about it, as you were taken by surprise when you boss told you. See if they can talk to you some more about the position. Best of luck.

Barb Hansen

3.34k

Ask me anything about Startups

11/17/20 at 3:54PM UTC

Your career is just that "yours" and you have every right to shape the career that you want and need.

Angeleen Rohda

11/17/20 at 4:14PM UTC

I feel like honesty in this situation is better. Say you took the job and were miserable and burned out, who would that serve? Not you, your bosses, or the organization. I say good for you in knowing yourself! If it makes you feel better you could follow up and let them know you were extremely flattered and it was a difficult decision to make and you hope they keep you in mind for other positions with less travel - or something like that.

Lesa Edwards

851

THE career expert for high achievers

11/17/20 at 4:26PM UTC

I would have a conversation with the person you said "no" to, to let him/her know why you turned the position down. The ultimate goal of this conversation is to let the other person know you ARE open to career-advancing opportunities as long as they don't involve so much travel.

1 Reply

Anonymous

11/21/20 at 4:36PM UTC

Lesa, I agree, you have be honest in a manner that allows the prospective "manager" to know you were flattered they thought of you for the role, and you are interested in other roles but ones with less travel.

Lauren Wechter

Accounting & Finance in Austin, TX

11/17/20 at 4:41PM UTC

If I've learned anything over the years, it's that taking a job for the wrong reasons is the best way to ensure you're unhappy in a role. Trust your gut and your core values first.

Krishma Hegde

Business Development Manager

11/17/20 at 4:53PM UTC

I would look at it from a lens of - will it make me happy? I personally have shied away from travel since the quality of my life would change and it wasn't worth it. Trust your decision and speak to your boss about your goals and if they are interested in growing you, they will figure out a way. That should be your indication on how healthy your work place is.

Allie Abodeely

Brand Strategist, Marketer and Storyteller

11/17/20 at 4:54PM UTC

I agree with these comments. If it's not the right fit, it's not the right fit, which doesn't do anyone any good - you, the other team, the company. It should not reflect poorly on you since it shows you were considerate of not wasting anyone's time, energy, efforts. You have to do you! What you may consider in the future, if you hadn't done so this time, is at the very least having the initial conversation with the hiring manager to get a better sense of team culture, position responsibilities, potential for growth, hiring manager leadership style, etc. One friend was in a similar boat, where she didn't think she was interested in another internal position after having been identified and approached. The hiring manager came back and asked if she would consider having a few informational conversations with other department team members before bowing out. My friend agreed to do so, after which she realized it could be a right fit. One month later, she decided to take the job which ended up being with a fantastic team leader, an increased salary, and what she came to realize, a better step toward advancing her career and moving up the ladder.

1 Reply

Jesica Sartell

11/19/20 at 4:38PM UTC

This is spot on! Affirming the other comments about being true to oneself as well as valuing life quality and, at the same time, offering a powerful step to take with a future offer. Thanks!

KimmieFH

314

Reach your goals through positive connections

11/17/20 at 4:55PM UTC

You made the right call for you. I think we are very pressured to seek a traditional route and have ideas of what we are "supposed" to do but your only responsibility is to do what's right for you. Since this was recent, to ease your concerns about the perception of your denying the opportunity isn't taken as a disinterest in moving up, why not write a "Thank You" to the manager and HR team that approached you? Let them know that you were thrilled to be thought of and sincerely appreciate them reaching out, however, the travel was just not the right fit and if any opportunities for you to contribute more in your space of interest with less travel arise you hope that they will not hesitate to check in again.

Brooke Davidson Hoareau

Transforming UX for exceptional results

11/17/20 at 5:10PM UTC

You did the right thing, be honest. Someone else who loves travel or doesn’t mind time away from family is a better fit. If your career is limited because you turned down an opportunity that you didn’t want then the next step up in your career is somewhere else. I have changed jobs a lot, always on my terms before the virus hit. This has helped me raise my salary 4X. Quadrupled my salary in 7 years, so if they don’t allow you to progress because of something petty, you have options.

Peg Glover

654

11/17/20 at 6:15PM UTC

Its your life - you know what you need. Great job standing up for you! You absolutely can say no!

Anonymous

11/17/20 at 10PM UTC

You made a wise desision. It is important to really look at the big picture before taking on a new role. 75% travel would not leave you much time to really enjoy your life.

Farah Bajwa

223

Manager | Mentor | Consultant | Coach

11/17/20 at 10:23PM UTC

We women can guilt ourselves into practically anything. It's flattering that they had you specifically in mind but you must be true to your authentic self. What good is a more prestigious position if you're left feeling spent or unbalanced in your life as a whole? No one will look out for you the way you can. Trust yourself.

1 Reply

Anonymous

11/18/20 at 5:04PM UTC

Oh yes, so true about the guilt!! Also, the position isn't more prestigious, more of a lateral move in my opinion. Thank you for your thoughts

Jackie Ghedine

4.24k

Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans

11/18/20 at 12:26PM UTC

I think these comments all reaffirm that you made the right choice for the right reasons. Who cares if you have a bigger job title and more money if you're unhappy and missing out on your family. Everyone has to make the choices that work for them. At this point in your life that isn't what you want. That doesn't mean forever!

Diane Isler

Business Coach and Consultant

11/18/20 at 3:47PM UTC

What I heard in your post was a feeling of regret at the cost of your decision. Many have commented on the validity of your decision, but I'd like to explore what you're feeling now and if you can grow from the experience. I believe that our lives are a culmination of the decisions we make, so your decision-making process is an important part of who you are and who you will become. You state that there are pieces of information that you didn't realize until after you had made your decision. Has this happened before? Would a process to pause and gather all information benefit you? Could you have reached out to this community or another mentor or HR to ask how to find the all the information needed to make the best decision? I think having clarity and lots of information is important in order to (1) make the right decision and (2) move forward from the decision with confidence and without looking back and wondering. I am not saying you made the wrong decision, but building a decision-making process for yourself may be a worthwhile exploration. You could even set up time with HR to ask them about how to best handle "opportunity knocking," and reassure them that you are interested in future opportunity visits.

Anonymous

11/18/20 at 4:17PM UTC

You own your career. If the role was a good fit why take it. Imagine if you took it and travel wore you down. Your performance may have been impacted and next thing you know you are cutting block. You know yourself better than anybody else. Go with your gut, which is sounds like you did.

Anonymous

11/18/20 at 9:29PM UTC

75% travel is grueling. Take it from someone who has done it. Turning down something this demanding should not be considered as being disloyal, or putting family in front of the job. Especially if the "physical" travel is expected to be on your own time, you are putting in at least 50 hours a week. If you can travel on "company time," which I'm not sure if many companies allow, and that counts toward your 40 hours per week, then it might make some sense, but where I worked, I was putting in 50-70 hours per week, while getting paid for 40. At the same time I was expected to be available 24X7 for consultation. Never again. You should never feel bad for turning down something that sets you up to be taken advantage of. If it becomes career limiting in your current company, it might be time to look for a different one. One truth I've learned in the many years of work and multiple careers is that companies today demand absolute loyalty of their employees and at the same show very little loyalty in return, by laying off, firing for "cause," and limiting careers for the slightest infractions.

User edited comment on 11/26/20 at 4:39PM UTC

1 Reply

Balanced935126

11/19/20 at 2:16PM UTC

Exactly what I was thinking. If it doesn't suit OP, then it doesn't suit. Better to realize that up front before ending up feeling used. AND many employers do tend to take advantage of loyalty and hard work nowadays. OP should still have that conversation with the manager to know where they stand within the company. If it does limit, then they have correct info to make any decisions.

Jayne Bennett

11/19/20 at 1:38PM UTC

I turned down what was, on paper, an ideal position for me, doing the things I want to do and the things I'm very good at. Why? Because all of my research on this company turned up massive negatives. Not just online, but vendors I have worked with for years tell horror stories about working with this company. People I don't even know commented on my anonymous LinkedIn post (anonymous as in I didn't specify the company or even the industry) and indicated that they knew the company I was referencing. Yes, they are that toxic and yes, it is that widespread. Never apologize for being true to yourself and your family. Never apologize for knowing what you will and will not tolerate and what boundaries you put up between your professional and personal life. Now, on to tell a recruiter I'm not interested in a position he wants me to apply for because it's in a very rural area and that would not suit the life I would like to lead.

[email protected]

11/19/20 at 1:47PM UTC

Never take a job you don't want! I would, however, convey thanks to those who felt that you had the skills and ability to fill the role and let them know the reasons for saying no and ask that they leave the door open to consider you in the future and ask for their understanding of this particular situation.

Kim Utecht Prayfrock

independent, assisted and memory care community

11/19/20 at 1:48PM UTC

I was asked to take a director job that would have meant lots more money, but lots more headaches. On top of being on call 24/7. I said thanks, but no thanks!

Amy Geffen

203

Plan your job search, overcome your fears.

11/19/20 at 1:56PM UTC

I agree with much of what has been said. A job has to meet most of all your requirements including company culture, distance, travel, responsibilities, colleagues, work-life balance, as well as opportunities for advancement. Every opportunity gives you the option of taking it or staying where you are and continuing to find something else that will move you along in your career.

Catherine Tymkiw

Digital Content Strategist, former Journalist

11/19/20 at 2:05PM UTC

You followed your instincts and did what was right for you. I have turned down opportunities along the way that in some ways were what I was looking for but just didn't feel right. It didn't hold me back and this won't hold you back either.

Michael Meaden

11/19/20 at 2:08PM UTC

A new position created or someone new for the present one? What's the turnover for that role if it is established already? That may tell you something. Who did it before? Have they been promoted? Did they leave because it was too much? Maybe if it's possible you can talk to them off the record. Workplace habits are changing. Travel replaced with zoom. Do not give in for the sake of the company.

Lily Galarneau

Product Analyst in CT

11/19/20 at 2:08PM UTC

Declining a job offer because you know it's not a good fit, speaks volume for you. You know what you want and don't want, and also in the end looking out for the company. Family and work-life balance is key for a healthy state of mind. Traveling 75% of the time is not for everyone, I know personally I would not take that role as well, as my mind would be on family and what I am missing back at home.

Brandi Hinkle

101

Accountant, Grad Student, Combat Veteran

11/19/20 at 2:08PM UTC

You made the right choice for yourself. It won’t help your career much to take a position and perform poorly because you are unhappy.

Michele Ramirez

11/19/20 at 2:12PM UTC

I agree with many of the themes discussed here, and agree that you made the right decision by declining a promotion that would have made you unhappy. I am curious why it was your boss's boss who approached you about the opportunity, rather than your direct manager. Were they aware of the conversation? Before saying no (even if I knew immediately it wasn't the right fit), I would have explored the opportunity with my manager and discussed the potential pros and cons before declining, balancing my concerns that it could be a career-limiting move by assuring my boss that I was open to bigger opportunities if they were the right fit for me. Saying no tactfully may not be as career-limiting as declining out of hand.

Sabrina Malone

11/19/20 at 2:15PM UTC

I had a job were I traveled 3 -4 days a week, each week for 3 weeks a month. I was burned out in 2.5 yrs and had to change jobs. It was just too much. As soon as I would arrive home and get settled in, I would have to pack up and leave. Doing what’s best for you and you’re family is a must.

Dr Mo

Career Transition Coach

11/19/20 at 2:17PM UTC

Hello Anonymous, It is understandable that you feel the way you do, after all we living in times when finding a job is a dream of most. However, there is absolutely no reason to accept a job knowing full well, that it will make you unhappy and deprive you of your work-life balance. Accepting this role can quickly turn your strengths into weaknesses, so wouldn’t you rather thrive were your strengths shine through?

User deleted comment on 11/19/20 at 2:19PM UTC

Flossy

1.04k

Client Solutions Consultant

11/19/20 at 2:24PM UTC

Personal life first .. career and company way down the pecking order. Business travel is not fun. Business travel post 9/11 and now Covid miserable. This is a reasonable reason to decline. If you want to go back and put clarification around it like max of 25% .. always home on Friday and Sunday night. Any type of upgrade or rides to the airport .. you get the miles. I would have that conversation as well as your worry this will limit other chances for advancement. Ask for a brainstorming on where they see you. Maybe the travel is only for a year and then you slide again? In the end, saying no is a mature response. Sadly, we are all expendable. After taking one for the team and working on various special projects for 6 months for my VP, a company I worked for had a power struggle my VP left. They used the fact I hadn’t met a quota to get rid of me on Dec 22nd. I didn’t make my quota because I was fixing a broken partner and channel program and doing historical analysis that uncovered $1M in unpaid contracts A quota that the VP had set aside. I wasn’t the only one this happened to in our area who had over performed. Companies have 0.0 loyalty. Put your life first.

Deb Lindell

Customer Conscience for Technology in DE

11/19/20 at 2:26PM UTC

While I agree completely with putting yourself first, I would never decline an opportunity within my own company without sitting down and having a face-to-face conversation with someone (HR, boss's boss, the hiring manager) about the role. You mentioned that you did not know they asked for you specifically - why? Maybe they see some special qualities or skills in you, that could lead to something different that doesn't require 75% travel. Or you could build a new business relationship with a new colleague. Either way, a response of "Interesting - let's talk further" never limited anyone's career. Wishing you the best!

Vanessa Lopez

11/19/20 at 2:26PM UTC

Hello, It's perfectly OK for you to pass up on a job if it's not the right fit for you. Ultimately only you know what your career goals are and what you are comfortable with. Also, don't think of this as career-limiting because they did think of you for this position, which means that you're doing an excellent job, and there's no reason to think of why they wouldn't consider you for other positions in the future. I would also recommend discussing with your boss what your career goals are within the company and where you want to go.

[email protected]

Healthcare, Merchandising.

11/19/20 at 2:39PM UTC

I would like to suggest that if an offer comes to you again to consider some things. If someone from HR, the CEO, etc. comes to you they are seeking you and you only. Ask to have time to think it over.

Emily Christakis

I help organizations thrive one person @ a time.

11/19/20 at 2:44PM UTC

You made the right decision because you said no to a job commitment that would require you to infringe on your personal life boundaries. Be flattered that you were considered and take the next step: schedule a career development conversation with your manager to talk about where you'd like to go next and/or areas you would like to build on. You sound surprised that the higher up tapped you and that threw you off guard. By taking time to be intentional and planning a career development conversation will put you back in the driver's seat of your career. You can start off by saying, "I was honored to be approached for this opportunity but it didn't align with my personal life goals. I would love to explore where I would be interested in going next..." Good luck and good for you for saying no!

Anonymous

11/19/20 at 2:57PM UTC

There is a lot of power in saying “no” and you are in charge of your career. We often get stuck with doubts after saying no, but always trust your instincts. If the way you left it is what is bothering you, you could always follow up with something such as “You know, I’ve been thinking about the opportunity and while it’s not a fit for me, I really appreciate that I was at the top of that list. Would love to learn of other opportunities...”

Kimberly Lyn

Life after Corporate

11/19/20 at 3:02PM UTC

I agree with all the comments above. From personal experience I accepted two jobs that required a lot of travel. I was drinking the kool aid and believing that if I gave my all, including sacrificing my family, it would pay off in the end. However I did not ask the right questions as someone had outlined above. What is the history and career path this new role leads to? what has happened to others in the role prior to me? why is the person already there leaving? I was not secure enough to ask the right questions. I ran my tail off for several years before I came to the conclusion that it was not going to lead me anywhere I was simply the fool who had said yes to the role and became just one of many on this particular project to save costs on a contract. When the project was over I was left with nothing but regrets that I had sacrificed my family for nothing. So absolutely ask the questions and perhaps in today's world more tele commuting may be possible than was was the previous design of the role. Lastly have a frank conversation with your leader about how far does he/she see you going within the company. I did, I found out, sadly, I was not on anyone's "short list" I had pissed off a few people along the way. My doing and a hard reality for me but it helped be to better define how I approached my role. Being approached for an opportunity is always flattering but just may not be the right fit for you. It's ok for you to have different priorities for yourself than your employer as for you.

Kelly Venable

Recruiting | Strategic Hiring | Career Coach ⏱

11/19/20 at 3:15PM UTC

It might be a good idea to talk with HR to seek to understand what qualities they saw in you specifically for this role. While your initial reaction would be not to take this role because of the travel requirements, it may be in your best interest to hear them out. Take some time to self-reflect on what your long term career goals are. Talk through your goals with HR and your Manager. If they see potential in you, this may be an opportunity to talk through your goals and explore other advancement opportunities. You don't want to be closed off where they may not approach you again with something you may be interested in. Always keep the door open and have constructive conversations when presented with the opportunity!

Jean Neuhart

For A Day Your Heart Will Never Forget!

11/19/20 at 3:34PM UTC

This is the definitive statement, "I think it would make me quite unhappy." Even if it's a perfect fit skill-wise, if you're unhappy in your job, your performance level will suffer. You'll regret it, and your higher-ups will regret it.

Jenny Barnes

Veteran Educator & Consultant in Brooklyn, NY

11/19/20 at 3:40PM UTC

I think you made the right decision, especially considering the fact that it wouldn't have enabled you to maintain a healthy work-life balance. I know that they were considering the position just for you. However, only you can really determine if a job is the best fit *for* you. And, it sounds like you already have.

Nikki Koon

11/19/20 at 3:51PM UTC

I think you're perfectly justified to say no, not just in this scenario, but honestly in any scenario where you think it wouldn't be a good fit. I've seen way too many people get promoted out of their area of expertise, and ultimately not succeed. It's good to know what your goals and interests are, and to work toward them. I try to approach it from two angles. First off, I make sure my supervisor knows my goals. Second, with any potential role change, I make sure this information is communicated to whoever would become my supervisor. I want no surprises. For instance, I'm currently not interested in management, for a few reasons. I'm willing to do a lead type role, but not full on supervisor. I want to do the work, not just manage it. Additionally, I cannot currently do much travel. I have very specific personal reasons for this, and I have a maximum amount of travel I can regularly do. When I was offered my latest role, I reiterated to both my current and future supervisor what my travel limitations were. Everyone was on board, so I made the change. My current role may be transitioning into a lead role. My goal is to balance career advancement with job satisfaction. If I'm miserable because I accepted a promotion, I will end up changing jobs. I like where I work, so I'm doing what I can to continue to enjoy my day-to-day work.

Jenn B.

Building Successful Partnerships

11/19/20 at 3:57PM UTC

Much like others have said, never regret turning down an offer that isn't right. I'm single and not kids and would quickly turn down a job with 75% travel.

Margaret A. Alabi

More success with less stress!

11/19/20 at 3:58PM UTC

It takes a lot of courage to decline a role that you are specifically highlighted for, but it shows strength, dignity and clarity to remain aligned to you core values! Too many times we bend and yield to others expectations of us without considering how it impacts our happiness and essentially overall growth potential! Kudos to you for standing in your truth and operating from it! A role that is better suited for your desired work.life balance is sure to find you very soon ?

Ellen

Lead with Head and Heart

11/19/20 at 5:25PM UTC

agree with many of the comments above. congrats on being approached for the opportunity as it highlights attributes that caught your boss/boss' boss attention. The travel part is a component of the new role, but the attributes are crucial in what the org/company is striving towards. I've reached out to many individuals within my org for specific roles and many accepted, while many didn't. For those the role or timing was not right, I appreciated the honesty in where they are in their career and life and in some cases, it helped them gain more clarity for themselves (when voicing it out loud to others). It also helped me for when new opportunities arose as I had a better sense of whether the new opportunity was more aligned with what they shared. Feel good about being sought after, feel good about your decision as you know yourself best.

Audrey Kirsch

11/19/20 at 6:02PM UTC

When I interviewed for my current position, I was asked how I felt about traveling. I said that occasional travel would be fine but that I didn't want to be constantly on the road. I got the job and it's worked out just fine. You need to do what's best for you and your family.

YNergy

Energy Healer in Cambridge, MA

11/19/20 at 6:07PM UTC

I think you were right to say no. I also recommend that you keep all of the documentation about this somewhere where you can access it later on if you need to. (I say this because, when I worked at Harvard something similar happened to me and I said no but didn't keep evidence. I regret not keeping evidence because I was LAID OFF very soon after the offer which I could have used as proof that they knew what was going to happen (they also lied about why they did it which I couldn't prove).

Jennifer Wuollet

11/19/20 at 6:42PM UTC

I think you did the right thing. That is a lot of travel and a lot of your time. That is a change that you have to want. If you didn't explain to them why it wasn't the job for you, I would and say that you would be open to new opportunities in the future if they have less travel involved, make sure you thank them for thinking of you. That way you leave the door open for future opportunities.

Raquel Garcia

Talent Acquisition Leader

11/19/20 at 7:19PM UTC

You did the right thing. If travelling that much doesn't work for you, it's best not to take the role. You'll only end up burnt out and regretting the change. That said, I'd circle back around with your bosses' boss and HR to thank them for considering you and let them know you would be open to other opportunities that match your skill set and do not require as much travel.

Anonymous

11/19/20 at 8:37PM UTC

I agree with the theme of above. I’m in a similar situation in that I don’t have to leave my current position but have been offered another one. As I’ve also sought advice from others, a pro and cons list helped me but all in all opportunities will come. If it’s not right for you don’t take it. Nothings permanent. As other have said, be in charge of your career and so what’s best and right for you.

User edited comment on 11/19/20 at 8:37PM UTC

Elizabeth Heft

11/19/20 at 11:28PM UTC

You said no. That little word allowed you to put yourself and your needs first. Own your self-care. Take a moment to feel proud of the work you do. It is clear that your efforts have not gone unnoticed

Jessica James

Collaboration Consultant & Attorney

11/20/20 at 1:51PM UTC

I would have said no, too. You have a life with priorities, and if a role does not fit with those, don't take it. I often think of the long game - "Will I regret this in 5 years or 10 years?" It sounds like the answer would be "no."

Liz Wanic

Cyber Intel and Dection Fusion Advisor in NY

11/22/20 at 5:14PM UTC

Never take a job because you think it's what someone else thinks you should do to progress in your career. Your career is yours alone and should be about achieving your specific goals. If the travel required by this role is 'too much' for what you want, then it's not the right role for you. But I would suggest that next time you get offered something that you don't want, you think more about how to turn that offer into something that you do want. Your company recognized something in you and your work and wanted to give you more responsibility and opportunity for growth - you should try to capitalize on that moment. In future, it might be good to sit down with the people making the offer to see if there isn't some middle ground you could come to or a role you could create that would be a benefit to you and to them. Meanwhile, keep doing awesome things!