Single employee no spouse or kids during COVID

Question

Many of my colleagues have children and they are getting benefits such as working from home or not being required come to work at the building.  My coworker in the same program who is usually required to come to work in person everyday is constantly being made exceptions because of children related issues. She works from home often versus I am still required to come in everyday, when we are already understaffed.  I feel almost penalized because I do not have kids?  Before mama bears come in with negative comments, I would ask for you to actively read this without judgement and please provide a solution.

Misty Cusick · Answer

I feel that it is good to ask yourself: why do you feel penalized? What 'perks' are you missing out on? Make a list of those items and figure out if any of them are worth talking to management about.

I believe there is a bigger issue here. It isn't just that a parent is getting to work from home (trust me, working from home with a child is extremely distracting and hard to balance). I believe what is really going on is that the entire country is beginning to see that the traditional office space is not as critical as it once was due to increased technology. Perhaps in your office, it is critical to be in office so you are starting to feel you are bearing more of the work load. You need to figure out what the deeper issues are (office culture (telework availability) vs equal distribution of work) and go to your management with proposed solutions to the issues.

Deb Strickland · Answer

I too would be annoyed. I know WFH with kids and other distractions is rough, but what exactly do you need to be physically in the office for? It's no different than allowing parents to leave early to pick up their kids but you can't. AND both of you would still finish your projects on time but just at home.

I've WFH for many years (pre-COVID) and never had this problem with employers basing their work policy on your children status. It absolutely builds resentment.

I'd push for a real reason and ask for 1-2 days/week to prove you don't need a babysitter. These discrepancies are always about management control and fear, but that work doesn't get done.

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Anon, I feel your pain as someone who also doesn't have children. With COVID, I and more local employees have had to take on the burden of working in office part time as well while other remote employees who have moved away due to new transitions like raising a family, have been excused from it. My strategy for this has been finding a way to share the load with other teammates. I don't know what kind of role you have at your company but if the work can be distributed, I would advocate to your supervisor the following:

1. What kind of work should be done in office and what can be done remote. Finding out the work that can be remote may help give you and other in-office colleagues more flexibility. It may also come up that some of those transformed remote work opportunities can be be better distributed to everyone on the team.
2. Who on the team is responsible for being in-office and why. It's possible leadership hasn't had a chance to think all of this through and set up a plan pre-COVID. Bringing this up will show good initiative and also demonstrate this is an issue employees care about.
3. What other priorities outside of work may be as equally demanding as family and child care. Do you own a car or have a pet? Or even friends who you feel have had extra hardships lately that you're supporting through the pandemic? These are all good reasons to show that you need breaks too and to take care of your mental health with personal sick days.

I hope this helps and best of luck to you.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe you could pre-arrange with your manager to work remotely 1-2 days a week.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m sure it’s frustrating and I think if you were talking non-covid it would make sense. Unfortunately, during covid working from home because your kids are doing remote school is literally the WORST. I have had the perspective first of work from home for many years while kids were in school, then  from March-August work from home with a 4 and 8 year old who didn’t want to do virtual school and needed refereeing all day, and finally now paying 20k per kid to get them into private school for the PRIVILEGE of going into an office a few days a week and working without all the added home responsibilities.

I can say with certainty that 1) we are all suffering during this time in some way, and 2) working in an office is a greater benefit than trying to work from home while parenting and teaching.

That said you wanted a solution, I suggest asking for a long term schedule that is flexible because clearly people can work remotely and that would be a great reward for all your hard work and dedication to your current company helping them through this time of crisis.

Anonymous · Answer

I would encourage you to take a step back and consider whether you may prefer to seek opportunities at companies that have more flexible work environments. If your company’s policies are making you feel less valued than others, it’s a good time to consider other opportunities. It’s a completely valid feeling that you are having and it sounds like your company isn’t considering the personal toll it’s policies are taking on you and others.

Lauren Mae Kester · Answer

I would be frustrated as well. I agree with what many people have said above - get clear on what you want and create a plan to ask a manager for it. The way we work is changing - for good - and as a single person with no kids myself, I'm just not comfortable going into an office these days. I'm extremely grateful to WFH, and I believe that with the right plan, you will be able to get what you need as well. It sounds like your manager has been unfriendly and hard to talk to - is there anyone above her you can speak with? From reading your comments it sounds a lot like she's more concerned with being 'right' and showing her power, than being a true leader. Have you listened to the Brene Brown podcast on Spotify? Her recent one with Joe Biden goes into the types of leaders - worth a listen!

Anonymous · Answer

Are you able to speak with your PCP and possibly get some kind of note that allows you to WFH for health reasons? That can include anxiety, if this is making your mental health worse. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your PCP, but if it's something you're thinking about a lot, and it's causing undue stress, they may ask that you be provided the option for remote for health reasons. They don't have to specify, but if your office is allowing remote for childcare, I have to imagine they'd do that for health?

Elizabeth Marie · Answer

I feel this so much! Yes! Yes! Yes!!! Just because we are single and childless is no excuse. They are requiring the same of two coworkers under me in the same situation, and I’ve had to push push push to work from home whenever I can because I’m still recovering after being hospitalized. It felt great to go back to work initially but I’m having a hard time keeping up and they just don’t care.

Caroline Platt · Answer

This is a tough situation and time for everyone. I always try to envision the long term “it all evens out in the long run” sense of the universe. Is there a possibility you could volunteer to take on extra projects because you do (hopefully) empathize with others?  Esp if you could avoid commuting 1-2 days a week, you could free up time to take something off another colleague’s plate. If you can come at it as an opportunity for you to grow & take in more responsibilities, it may in the end turn out great for you.  (Because if you do end up having a child, someone will probably have to take over for you for 12 weeks at least.) I hope that helps you.

Single employee no spouse or kids during COVID

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