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Fair, empathetic language for letting a young woman go
Hi all,
I manage a young woman who's contract period is ending and we have decided not to extend it. I want our conversation to go well, and I am also thinking of how I can handle any of her questions or doubts without making her feel bad. Some things to communicate:
- She has been very helpful (she's done X projects in a few months)
- I appreciate her willingness to try new things and put herself out there (in an entirely new field)
- Ultimately, I'm not sure this field is the right fit for her, and I think she might be better suited elsewhere
Did any of you have a particularly good conversation in which you were let go? How was it communicated, and why did it stick with you?
UPDATE FROM OP:
THANK YOU, ladies! I feel much better about going into this conversation with her and you have given me much food for thought.
To clarify: she does a good enough job, but she is not exceeding expectations or doing anything extra. When weighed against her peers, she is under-performing. I do recognize she has other employment and is currently a student, so I will not be pulling the rug out from under her financially (plus, those other commitments might interest her more and she can give more time to them now). Of course, I will offer her a reference in the future.
37 Comments
Lillis Taylor
Social Entrepreneur in Birmingham, AL
44
12/10/20 at 9:11PM UTC
in
I don't have any experience with this particular situation, but if you liked the work she did, perhaps offering to provide a reference will be received by her as genuine well-wishing on your part? Also, is it possible to encourage her to approach other fields based on what you see her strengths being? If the field is entirely new to her, maybe she won't be surprised to learn her contract isn't being renewed? Best of luck to you! It's clear you have her wellbeing in mind and that will certainly come through to her when you do have the conversation.
Elizabeth Marie Scientist and M.B.A. Candidate
188
12/10/20 at 9:19PM UTC
in
My contract was not renewed once, but they allowed me to look and keep my job. Then 3 weeks later when I had two offers from other companies, they also offered me a full time gig.
Not sure how this would work if it wasn't in my field but I think the take away here is offer to help if possible (i.e. serve as a reference if allowed)
MelanieHR Leader giving my own two cents to help women.
547
12/10/20 at 9:22PM UTC
in
I always advice my managers to keep it brief, simple and to the point. Since they are a contract employee you don’t really need to be overly specific. Be truthful as well.
I would say something like we have appreciated you being part of our team on a contractual basis. You have been helpful on Projects x over the past several months and I appreciate your willingness to put yourself out there in a in an entirely new field.
I wanted to let you know that we are unable to extend your temporary contract and your last day will be X. Again, it has been a pleasure having you on the team.
I would not get into whether this job or industry is a good fit. If you are so inclined you can tell her she can list you all as an employer and you will provide a reference. However make sure that aligns with your Company’s policy. Good luck!
Nirupama RaghavanDigital Strategy Consultant & Retail Expert
313
12/10/20 at 9:31PM UTC
in
I appreciate your desire to communicate this clearly but with empathy. I am curious as to why you think it's not the right field for her. I would caution against saying that or anything close. Ultimately, you can share what you think are success criteria in the industry--traits, skills, experiences--but I would suggest leaving it up to her to decided whether or not she agrees. Also, she has to decide whether she thinks she fits the criteria you described or is willing to do what it takes to get there.
KathleenBrand marketer
14
12/12/20 at 3:29PM UTC
in
This is great feedback. I agree that it is up to the young woman, who is still a student and has so much to learn about everything, who is just getting started in her career, to decide whether the industry is the right fit for her. I was in a similar situation to her when I was right out of school, thought I was working hard enough and trying to pursue a role in an industry (fashion/marketing) that was very cutthroat. I was told that I didn’t have the personality (not aggressive enough) to go far, but here I am in a similar industry, 10 years later, after having the right mentors and doing the right work. I do love it, and I found people and a company that appreciate me for my skills and my demeanor (I still put in the hard work!)
SalwaMultidiscipline
42
12/10/20 at 10PM UTC
in
Hi Anonymous,
Great way to say "Happy holidays"! Anyhow, I failed to understand your reasons behind not extending her contract considering all the praises. "She would be more fit else where" is basically telling the new employer of this woman that she sucks but company policy does not allow you to say that she sucks.
It seems like she is the most recent hire so it is easier to get rid of her.
I work with tons of women and it gets catty if you know what I mean. To add insult to injury the manager is a male who does not know much. So, he picks favorites if you know what mean. I am sure you can tell that am not his favorite. I work I do not giggle and have random meetings.
I understand that work place can be a war zone. I do not pick sides and I trust no one.
I think you should have a conversation with yourself first and face up to your real reasons to why you are making a detrimental decesion in this woman life. She bent backward to do her job, kind of your words not mine. What's up now?
If you confront your real reasons, then you might be able to have this conversation with this young woman you are speaking of.
Happy Holidays!
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 1:50PM UTC
in
Thank you. My thoughts exactly. You don't want her but will give her a good reference. Really? That is so hypocritical. Also whne you compare her to others working in her area- how long have they been in their positions? How did they start out? Did they come racing out of the shoot? Usually, it takes time to warm up to a new position. It sounds lie to me she has done a great job after all you're giving her a great reference. Was there other reasons why you want to let her go? Why do you think (truthfully) this field is the not right fit for her? Is there someone else you want to hire instead? I think you are awful to do this to her especially if she has been doing a great job. Is it that someone in her group who does not like her and thinks she may be a threat?
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 2:31PM UTC
in
Lynne, I agree with you.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 3:50PM UTC
in
Hello!
I think there are fair points in this micro-thread, however I just want to say that this is to be a safe space. There are so many things about each and everyone's situations we don't entirely know. When offering one's perspective, perhaps we can find a more neutral way of presenting POV. Tone can so easily be mistaken, and certainly may be misinterpreted with my comment now. But when something comes across as an attack, it takes away from this venue as being one where we can comfortably elevate each other.
Anonymous is trying to do the right thing and in a respectful way. The timing may not be her choice - certainly in corporate environments, if that's where she's at, there are oftentimes very little control over these things. Plus, it was a contract position so likely that the candidate agreed to said end date when brought on.
Irregardless, your points are valid. I was laid off on April 1 b/c of the pandemic with one-month severance and felt left out in the cold at the onset of a crumbling economy - I had relocated across the country for my position. I've not found work since. While logically I could understand the situation, emotionally, I had many mixed feelings. So I can absolutely relate to the stress caused by timing and not knowing what the future holds. I appreciate that
Anonymous is trying to find the most respectful way to handle the situation. It's not an ideal situation for her either. I appreciate her honesty and for bringing this through to our channels so we can help navigate a challenging and unfortunate situation.
Wishing everyone here a safe holiday season!
AnnFennerSpiegel
81
12/13/20 at 11:09AM UTC
in
Wishing you all the best!
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 4:41PM UTC
in
While I agree with you that the OP needs to examine the real reasons, your delivery is aggressive and combative and completely discounts your message. You're also making some accusations based on vapor ("she's the most recent hire so it's easier...") instead of fact. Lastly, dial back the sarcasm.
BN
19
12/12/20 at 4:55PM UTC
in
I think you may be personalizing this. It is standard practice that contracts don't get renewed once a project has completed and sometimes that lands at YE. No one said she bent over backwards. She performed to what was needed and went out of her comfort zone in a new industry.
Framing this a "woman vs woman"/cattiness issues is a huge leap IMO and is a disservice to women.
Anonymous
12/10/20 at 10:03PM UTC
in
As someone who's been in a similar situation, I wanted to offer my advice. It's not an easy conversation to have but as much as you liked the individual or felt they were competent, at the end of the day, it's a contract role.
It's in the company's best interest to decide if the individual is the right fit. In some industries, it not just about meeting expectations but exceeding them. Are they the right candidate for a permanent position in that type of work environment?
As others suggested, I offered a positive reference. When deciding what to do, I questioned if I would I have hired her if it wasn't a contract role? When I realized she met the needs of what we needed at the time but we needed a permanent employee with additional skills, that was the main reason we didn't renew her contract.
I empathize with your situation especially if you liked the employee. I would be brief, professional and offer a positive reference for her/his hard work if you feel it's justified.
Lisa B SivyChief of Staff Atlanta
17
12/10/20 at 10:46PM UTC
in
I agree with Melanie. If you delve into providing feedback or guidance into what may be a better fit, you might find yourself having to have another conversation regarding opportunities in that area - which you may not want. If she is a contract employee, I assume the contract specifies a finite scope and deliverable, which allows you to express your gratitude for her work in completing the agreed upon deliverable(s) and should end things on a satisfactory, positive note. I am not suggesting that you assume a cold or rude demeanor, but rather treat this as a business transaction that has reached its conclusion. If there is/was a temp to perm implication, that is an entirely different conversation...
Brandi MatlockLife Long Assistant
32
12/11/20 at 1:44PM UTC
in
This is a tricky one. You don’t want to give too much positive feedback because that could be confusing to the person on the other end. It’s best to be blunt and somewhat honest. The contract is up and you have decided not to extend it. If she asks why, it might be ok to blame the layoff or termination on lack of funds or tell her that you don’t feel the industry is a good fit for her. She will either get mad and try harder somewhere else or realize you are right and move on to a different field.
cms1234
191
12/11/20 at 2:27PM UTC
in
I think it's great that you care enough to be so candid and thoughtful with this young woman. You could say what you wrote, but change the last to seeking someone more traditionally in sync with your field or industry.
Offering to be a reference is a wonderful thing to do. Be direct, in charge but go with your gut. It's spot on.
Mrs. Kate Thoelke, MAEd.Admin.Classical Lutheran Principal
31
12/11/20 at 2:57PM UTC
in
I would start the conversation asking her how things have been for her. Then proceed to thank her for all her work. Explain the situation clearly and concisely and ask for ways to support her in moving to her next position (if you are able).
If she felt it was very good and she was enthusiastic about continuing with you, that can give you a springboard to discuss her strengths and where those would be an even better fit. Perhaps she also sees what you see. Then she can move forward gracefully.
Anonymous
12/11/20 at 6:16PM UTC
in
OP here, THANK YOU ALL! I feel much better about going into this conversation with her and you have given me much food for thought.
To clarify: she does a good enough job, but she is not exceeding expectations or doing anything extra. When weighed against her peers, she is under-performing. I do recognize she has other employment and is currently a student, so I will not be pulling the rug out from under her financially (plus, those other commitments might interest her more). Of course, I will offer her a reference in the future.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 1:38PM UTC
in
Being effusive and proactive in giving references that are public (eg on LinkedIn) could help as well as writing her a note in pdf which she can have for her files can never hurt.
Stephanie Chernoff
137
12/12/20 at 1:40PM UTC
in
As someone who has done contract work for many years, I have to ask how long you have known you weren’t going to extend her. Because the fair thing to do would have been to tell her then and allow her to look for a new contract while she still had work, rather than surprising her at the end of her contract.
Katie
24
12/12/20 at 1:59PM UTC
in
I think it's really unfair to judge someone new to a field that they're completely wrong for it. Who are you to say that? People grow and learn, and just because you have that opinion of her now doesn't mean she won't be great.
Stick to the actual facts. If going "above and beyond" is a requirement for employment, that should be clearly stated. But I think you should also examine why you expect people to do that - are you compensating them for it? Are you communicating the extra hours/projects required?
Madam anon663Learner, skeptic, direct.
392
12/12/20 at 2:23PM UTC
in
I have worked many contract positions, why would you keep her for her entire contract if she is an under performer? That seems mean to me, and not honest about not being a good fit from the get go. I hope for the future, you evaluate your hiring decisions for contractors, and give them the truth from the beginning instead of drawing things out when its not right.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 2:26PM UTC
in
You want to give someone the boot and want no negative feelings? Nah
B Thompson
45
12/12/20 at 2:54PM UTC
in
Maybe she's ready to move on. Be fair and truthful with her references and if you can wrangle a little bonus she'll be on her way. People choose contract assignments.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 3:06PM UTC
in
I'm curious. When you hired her, did you tell her that she was expected to go above and beyond her duties in order to be considered successful? Did you ever let her know during her tenure that she never exceeded your expectations? You make it sound like she was meeting them. Had she gotten any feedback as to how she could improve?
My feeling is that if you truly liked her, you would have given her all the tools she needed to be successful - including honest feedback. Did you do that? Because, if you didn't, this is going to hit her hard.
You say she is a student, so she probably doesn't have all the savvy that time and experience brings. You had a chance to help shape her. Did you do that? If you did, then you should sleep well being honest with her.
Maybe, for future candidates, you should set the bar higher. If you look at exceeding expectations as a necessary thing, you aren't being honest on what your expectations truly are.
The sad thing with this kind of business culture is that if a person is doing their job and doing it right, it is looked at as a bad thing. Meeting expectations should be a good thing and then there will always be the stars who go that extra mile all the time. Not everyone is an overachiever and not everyone should be expected to be one. It's actually unfair to everyone in that situation.
Let her go. Be polite, but please, if she was doing her job as defined and doing it well don't tell her she didn't do enough. That falls on you.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 5:07PM UTC
in
I'd like to offer another point of view. If you're in a contract role and you're reaching the end of your employment period, wouldn't you try to show why they should extend your contract?
If you're a permanent employee that's seeking a promotion or raise, you try to show why you deserve that recognition. While I agree, that if they were under performing throughout the contract that would warrant a separate conversation, why should a company extend a job offer if the work is average? There are a lot of people looking for work that might be a better fit.
Finally, since the employee is a student, he/she might not have the time to dedicate to this role and/or is still finding out what is the best fit. I've had other students work for me in the past so that's not always the case but something to consider.
However, every situation is different and the manager shouldn't be expected to keep employees on if they aren't the right fit, especially in a contract role.
There's a reason why more companies are creating contract instead of permanent roles. At the end of the contract, the employee and employer both have the option to part ways without creating a complicated situation.
Remaining professional, honest and straightforward will make it easier. Even if it's not the right fit, being judged and coming up lacking is never going to feel good or be a easy situation. Good luck!
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 5:26PM UTC
in
The fact is that most people are average. It sounds like this company set the bar low enough that most could feel special. I truly think that is an extension of the "everybody gets a trophy" mentality.
I am also of the age where I started working when women were truly discriminated against. Sexual harassment and misogyny weren't so legally defined. I was mentored by some strong women (and some great men too) in those early years. I learned how to have a strong work ethic, how to stand up for myself and how being a people pleaser was bad for me.
Once I was in management, I always gave feedback. I gave it continuously as needed. There's nothing worse than to have the ability to help someone who would appreciate it and not do it.
Also, to let someone go along thinking that everything is fine and then hit them with the fact it wasn't is just cruel. The OP never said whether or not she did anything to give this person a head's up and that is what I would love her to clarify.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 8:01PM UTC
in
While that might be true, why would you want to hire an average worker? I'm a manager and during the hiring process and right from the start, I outline my expectations.
I want to hire an employee that is motivated, wants to grow and I'm glad to back hard work with advancement or recognition.
I've helped junior staff move into senior roles. Junior employees are often delegated as flight risks or not worthy of managers investing time.
They tend to stay at a company for a few years, gain experience and the move on for a higher salary or position. Why not instead support stand-out employees and give them reason to stay at the company instead of leaving?
Now, if you just want to fill a role and don't have clear expectations that's one thing. However, I think as a manager, you have the opportunity to mentor staff.
Throughout my career, I've sought ways to advance my team and show not tell that they are valued at the company. Regular check-ins provides a better idea of how both manager and direct reports are doing as well as instilling confidence to take on projects or provide shout-outs of their achievements to senior teams.
Are they feeling overwhelmed, ready for more responsibility, having difficulty with a project and/or do they feel valued/seeking to have a career role?
Some of those questions, you address while others, from observation. I believe a manager is only as good as their weakest employee. I provide the latter a lot of chances, guidance and unfortunately sometimes, they are great people but are not the right fit.
I'm still in contact with people I've let go and they are doing well in other positions. Every role, company and culture is different. They might feel overwhelmed in a high-pressure corporate culture but would shine in an independent company where there's different expectations and pace.
SalwaMultidiscipline
42
12/16/20 at 11:40PM UTC
in
Thank you for your reply. You highlight points that I spoke of on a different blog and I was extremely sarcastic. I am quite surprised that few of the ladies here consider my extremly dialed down comment sarcastic and aggressive, really, they should read what I wrote there.
Actually, how much work you do and how accurate and precise you are does not seem to affect anything. For as long as I have been in the workforce, I fail to understand how those who somehow got promoted to managers or higher get to determine who goes under the Guillotine and who doesn't! Spend one day in my office where I work, your eyes will scroll all the way to the back of your head.
Paulla FetzekOffice Professional, Lighting Expert & Teacher
849
12/12/20 at 3:20PM UTC
in
While I'm dismayed at the negative tone in several replies, I do understand people not appreciating the situation, it's not a pleasant one at all from the employee's point of view.
I'm looking at this from Anon's point of view. I'm a manager and had to let my assistant go earlier this year. It's not the first time I've let someone go. And it's never been easy when I've had to do so.
For me, it shows kind character in wanting to terminate the position while at the same time building up the contract worker.
Katherine Sun
12
12/12/20 at 7:40PM UTC
in
As someone who has been on the receiving end of being told my contract wouldn't be extended, I so appreciate that you really care about how to relay this information in an empathetic way and that you want to be supportive to her.
I was a contractor for two large corporations and from my experience, they utilize contractors to also protect themselves and cycle through talent if someone doesn't work out. The managers were not the most open about performance/feedback and they weren't obligated to provide it because I wasn't an employee. I got a reason for not extending my contract that as rather vague. I think the corporations are also worried about potential lawsuits or issues around wrongful termination.
Seeing as this individual is a student, I don't see the above being a problem, but you should also consider what you're allowed to say to her. In terms of the bit about you wanting to give her advice on whether the field is a good fit for her, I would tell her to genuinely think about what her passions are and where she wants to focus her career (a little food for thought) and see how she responds to it. If she wants to hear more and is open-minded about the advice you have, she should ask for it. I could see how someone might take that advice the wrong way too...
Anonymous for a day
278
12/12/20 at 11:07PM UTC
in
I would think it would be very hard for a college student working part time to hit the high bar you've set for the position. Plus it's not fair to compare her to her coworkers who probably have a degree in that field. As a former contract employee, my advice is to give her plenty of notice to find another job. I'm glad you're going to be the one notifying her too because it's not as pleasant when you get an unexpected call from the temp agency. So glad I no longer as a contractor but taking a few contract roles did help me gain experience to switch careers.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 11:50PM UTC
in
Since she was contracted and performed the scope of her contract, did she understand if she did extra (unpaid or not requested) work or went out of her way to increase performance, there may be a permanent position for her? I keep wondering if younger women understand, when they come on the scene they’re expected to burn brighter than folks more comfortable in their profession and position, to make a impression to “prove themselves” and gain the confidence of their employer, or it that just for women? Sometimes I’m asking myself if I were a man, would they think they could get away with all they do? Even when the boss is a woman, I think she’s pressured to be part of the same club to show solidarity for status quo... A woman can’t have any other responsibilities (family, children or continued education/school) that may split her focus because it would decrease her performance at work.
Anonymous
12/13/20 at 6:31AM UTC
in
Anonymous, I apologize for all the backlash you're receiving. This forum should support its community and some people are ridiculing 'Anonymous' for asking a question. You're not in her shoes and she's trying to be professional while considering the employee's feelings.
It's a difficult situation but most contracts end at the end of the year. Making her feel bad that she has to let the employee go around the holidays might not be her decision but the company's or when the contract ends.
We're all entitled to our opinions but we shouldn't shame others. The very fact that she's trying to decide on the right action shows her compassion and not callousness.
Speaking of the holidays, we all could use some extra kindness this year. Anonymous, you'll do the right thing and never feel ashamed of asking questions.
Migita Dcruz
40
12/13/20 at 7:22AM UTC
in
I think it would help to highlight that while she may not fit the job completely, it doesn't reflect her as a professional or a person in the long run. Also offering to be there in the future as a sounding board if she would want to discuss concerns would help. That way, it doesn't sound too much like a rejection or a tearing down. That said, she is going to bear some hurt, so working with her through that instead of putting the news on her and walking away is helpful.
Sheryl BrinkleyIgnite Your Shine-Own and Drive Your Destiny!
109
12/14/20 at 1:04AM UTC
in
If you feel inclined to do so, give her the gift of feedback to help her approach future work. As women leaders we can support up coming women by pouring wisdom into them that they can carry forward. She may never (or maybe a long time coming) before she has another leader like you who would “dare and care” enough to tell her the things that she needs to hear in order to grow. Let’s be clear that she is not losing her job for misconduct or some other cause, whereas I would be careful that the comments offered to support her future career path won’t come back to bite you later thru litigation. If you are eliminating the position and can offer her feedback to help her land and keep her next job, then by all means throw her the lifesaver. Good luck!
Pamela Brown Yaeger
37
12/15/20 at 1:04AM UTC
in
I’ve been in your shoes and I’ve also been in your contractor’s place. Here are some quick thoughts:
Don’t just promise a reference, write it and provide it in print and as a PDF. In the letter, avoid all negatives and concentrate on her results.
Example:
During her five months as a temporary writer, Ellie:
Edited 6 monthly client email blasts
Wrote two major sections of our annual report
Created a series of fundraising letters and tracked responses to determine which ones were most effective.
Then close with something that offers her positive qualities, whatever those may be. Offer to answer questions on her behalf and zip, you are done.
Keep the conversation brief but do ask what she liked about working with your group, and what advice would she give to a friend looking to work there. Be calm and positive. Contractors know things are temporary. You don’t owe her an explanation or apology.
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