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Fair, empathetic language for letting a young woman go
Hi all,
I manage a young woman who's contract period is ending and we have decided not to extend it. I want our conversation to go well, and I am also thinking of how I can handle any of her questions or doubts without making her feel bad. Some things to communicate:
- She has been very helpful (she's done X projects in a few months)
- I appreciate her willingness to try new things and put herself out there (in an entirely new field)
- Ultimately, I'm not sure this field is the right fit for her, and I think she might be better suited elsewhere
Did any of you have a particularly good conversation in which you were let go? How was it communicated, and why did it stick with you?
UPDATE FROM OP:
THANK YOU, ladies! I feel much better about going into this conversation with her and you have given me much food for thought.
To clarify: she does a good enough job, but she is not exceeding expectations or doing anything extra. When weighed against her peers, she is under-performing. I do recognize she has other employment and is currently a student, so I will not be pulling the rug out from under her financially (plus, those other commitments might interest her more and she can give more time to them now). Of course, I will offer her a reference in the future.
Pamela Brown Yaeger
142
12/15/20 at 1:04AM UTC
I’ve been in your shoes and I’ve also been in your contractor’s place. Here are some quick thoughts:
Don’t just promise a reference, write it and provide it in print and as a PDF. In the letter, avoid all negatives and concentrate on her results.
Example:
During her five months as a temporary writer, Ellie:
Edited 6 monthly client email blasts
Wrote two major sections of our annual report
Created a series of fundraising letters and tracked responses to determine which ones were most effective.
Then close with something that offers her positive qualities, whatever those may be. Offer to answer questions on her behalf and zip, you are done.
Keep the conversation brief but do ask what she liked about working with your group, and what advice would she give to a friend looking to work there. Be calm and positive. Contractors know things are temporary. You don’t owe her an explanation or apology.
Anonymous
12/14/20 at 1:04AM UTC
If you feel inclined to do so, give her the gift of feedback to help her approach future work. As women leaders we can support up coming women by pouring wisdom into them that they can carry forward. She may never (or maybe a long time coming) before she has another leader like you who would “dare and care” enough to tell her the things that she needs to hear in order to grow. Let’s be clear that she is not losing her job for misconduct or some other cause, whereas I would be careful that the comments offered to support her future career path won’t come back to bite you later thru litigation. If you are eliminating the position and can offer her feedback to help her land and keep her next job, then by all means throw her the lifesaver. Good luck!
User edited comment on 12/14/20 at 1:05AM UTC
Migita Dcruz
68
12/13/20 at 7:22AM UTC
I think it would help to highlight that while she may not fit the job completely, it doesn't reflect her as a professional or a person in the long run. Also offering to be there in the future as a sounding board if she would want to discuss concerns would help. That way, it doesn't sound too much like a rejection or a tearing down. That said, she is going to bear some hurt, so working with her through that instead of putting the news on her and walking away is helpful.
Anonymous
12/13/20 at 6:31AM UTC
Anonymous, I apologize for all the backlash you're receiving. This forum should support its community and some people are ridiculing 'Anonymous' for asking a question. You're not in her shoes and she's trying to be professional while considering the employee's feelings.
It's a difficult situation but most contracts end at the end of the year. Making her feel bad that she has to let the employee go around the holidays might not be her decision but the company's or when the contract ends.
We're all entitled to our opinions but we shouldn't shame others. The very fact that she's trying to decide on the right action shows her compassion and not callousness.
Speaking of the holidays, we all could use some extra kindness this year. Anonymous, you'll do the right thing and never feel ashamed of asking questions.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 11:50PM UTC
Since she was contracted and performed the scope of her contract, did she understand if she did extra (unpaid or not requested) work or went out of her way to increase performance, there may be a permanent position for her? I keep wondering if younger women understand, when they come on the scene they’re expected to burn brighter than folks more comfortable in their profession and position, to make a impression to “prove themselves” and gain the confidence of their employer, or it that just for women? Sometimes I’m asking myself if I were a man, would they think they could get away with all they do? Even when the boss is a woman, I think she’s pressured to be part of the same club to show solidarity for status quo... A woman can’t have any other responsibilities (family, children or continued education/school) that may split her focus because it would decrease her performance at work.
User edited comment on 12/13/20 at 12:38AM UTC
Anonymous for a day
329
12/12/20 at 11:07PM UTC
I would think it would be very hard for a college student working part time to hit the high bar you've set for the position. Plus it's not fair to compare her to her coworkers who probably have a degree in that field. As a former contract employee, my advice is to give her plenty of notice to find another job. I'm glad you're going to be the one notifying her too because it's not as pleasant when you get an unexpected call from the temp agency. So glad I no longer as a contractor but taking a few contract roles did help me gain experience to switch careers.
Katherine Sun
12
12/12/20 at 7:40PM UTC
As someone who has been on the receiving end of being told my contract wouldn't be extended, I so appreciate that you really care about how to relay this information in an empathetic way and that you want to be supportive to her.
I was a contractor for two large corporations and from my experience, they utilize contractors to also protect themselves and cycle through talent if someone doesn't work out. The managers were not the most open about performance/feedback and they weren't obligated to provide it because I wasn't an employee. I got a reason for not extending my contract that as rather vague. I think the corporations are also worried about potential lawsuits or issues around wrongful termination.
Seeing as this individual is a student, I don't see the above being a problem, but you should also consider what you're allowed to say to her. In terms of the bit about you wanting to give her advice on whether the field is a good fit for her, I would tell her to genuinely think about what her passions are and where she wants to focus her career (a little food for thought) and see how she responds to it. If she wants to hear more and is open-minded about the advice you have, she should ask for it. I could see how someone might take that advice the wrong way too...
Paulla FetzekOffice Professional, Lighting Expert & Teacher
1.25k
12/12/20 at 3:20PM UTC
While I'm dismayed at the negative tone in several replies, I do understand people not appreciating the situation, it's not a pleasant one at all from the employee's point of view.
I'm looking at this from Anon's point of view. I'm a manager and had to let my assistant go earlier this year. It's not the first time I've let someone go. And it's never been easy when I've had to do so.
For me, it shows kind character in wanting to terminate the position while at the same time building up the contract worker.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 3:06PM UTC
I'm curious. When you hired her, did you tell her that she was expected to go above and beyond her duties in order to be considered successful? Did you ever let her know during her tenure that she never exceeded your expectations? You make it sound like she was meeting them. Had she gotten any feedback as to how she could improve?
My feeling is that if you truly liked her, you would have given her all the tools she needed to be successful - including honest feedback. Did you do that? Because, if you didn't, this is going to hit her hard.
You say she is a student, so she probably doesn't have all the savvy that time and experience brings. You had a chance to help shape her. Did you do that? If you did, then you should sleep well being honest with her.
Maybe, for future candidates, you should set the bar higher. If you look at exceeding expectations as a necessary thing, you aren't being honest on what your expectations truly are.
The sad thing with this kind of business culture is that if a person is doing their job and doing it right, it is looked at as a bad thing. Meeting expectations should be a good thing and then there will always be the stars who go that extra mile all the time. Not everyone is an overachiever and not everyone should be expected to be one. It's actually unfair to everyone in that situation.
Let her go. Be polite, but please, if she was doing her job as defined and doing it well don't tell her she didn't do enough. That falls on you.
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 5:07PM UTC
I'd like to offer another point of view. If you're in a contract role and you're reaching the end of your employment period, wouldn't you try to show why they should extend your contract?
If you're a permanent employee that's seeking a promotion or raise, you try to show why you deserve that recognition. While I agree, that if they were under performing throughout the contract that would warrant a separate conversation, why should a company extend a job offer if the work is average? There are a lot of people looking for work that might be a better fit.
Finally, since the employee is a student, he/she might not have the time to dedicate to this role and/or is still finding out what is the best fit. I've had other students work for me in the past so that's not always the case but something to consider.
However, every situation is different and the manager shouldn't be expected to keep employees on if they aren't the right fit, especially in a contract role.
There's a reason why more companies are creating contract instead of permanent roles. At the end of the contract, the employee and employer both have the option to part ways without creating a complicated situation.
Remaining professional, honest and straightforward will make it easier. Even if it's not the right fit, being judged and coming up lacking is never going to feel good or be a easy situation. Good luck!
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 5:26PM UTC
The fact is that most people are average. It sounds like this company set the bar low enough that most could feel special. I truly think that is an extension of the "everybody gets a trophy" mentality.
I am also of the age where I started working when women were truly discriminated against. Sexual harassment and misogyny weren't so legally defined. I was mentored by some strong women (and some great men too) in those early years. I learned how to have a strong work ethic, how to stand up for myself and how being a people pleaser was bad for me.
Once I was in management, I always gave feedback. I gave it continuously as needed. There's nothing worse than to have the ability to help someone who would appreciate it and not do it.
Also, to let someone go along thinking that everything is fine and then hit them with the fact it wasn't is just cruel. The OP never said whether or not she did anything to give this person a head's up and that is what I would love her to clarify.
User edited comment on 12/12/20 at 5:29PM UTC
Anonymous
12/16/20 at 11:40PM UTC
Thank you for your reply. You highlight points that I spoke of on a different blog and I was extremely sarcastic. I am quite surprised that few of the ladies here consider my extremly dialed down comment sarcastic and aggressive, really, they should read what I wrote there.
Actually, how much work you do and how accurate and precise you are does not seem to affect anything. For as long as I have been in the workforce, I fail to understand how those who somehow got promoted to managers or higher get to determine who goes under the Guillotine and who doesn't! Spend one day in my office where I work, your eyes will scroll all the way to the back of your head.
User edited comment on 12/16/20 at 11:42PM UTC
Anonymous
12/12/20 at 8:01PM UTC
While that might be true, why would you want to hire an average worker? I'm a manager and during the hiring process and right from the start, I outline my expectations.
I want to hire an employee that is motivated, wants to grow and I'm glad to back hard work with advancement or recognition.
I've helped junior staff move into senior roles. Junior employees are often delegated as flight risks or not worthy of managers investing time.
They tend to stay at a company for a few years, gain experience and the move on for a higher salary or position. Why not instead support stand-out employees and give them reason to stay at the company instead of leaving?
Now, if you just want to fill a role and don't have clear expectations that's one thing. However, I think as a manager, you have the opportunity to mentor staff.
Throughout my career, I've sought ways to advance my team and show not tell that they are valued at the company. Regular check-ins provides a better idea of how both manager and direct reports are doing as well as instilling confidence to take on projects or provide shout-outs of their achievements to senior teams.
Are they feeling overwhelmed, ready for more responsibility, having difficulty with a project and/or do they feel valued/seeking to have a career role?
Some of those questions, you address while others, from observation. I believe a manager is only as good as their weakest employee. I provide the latter a lot of chances, guidance and unfortunately sometimes, they are great people but are not the right fit.
I'm still in contact with people I've let go and they are doing well in other positions. Every role, company and culture is different. They might feel overwhelmed in a high-pressure corporate culture but would shine in an independent company where there's different expectations and pace.
B Thompson
64
12/12/20 at 2:54PM UTC
Maybe she's ready to move on. Be fair and truthful with her references and if you can wrangle a little bonus she'll be on her way. People choose contract assignments.
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