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I do not enjoy working with my "boss" | Fairygodboss
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Migita Dcruz
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55
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This is a dialectical dilemma that a lot of people are facing in healthcare administration during the pandemic, which of course, doesn't detract from the seriousness of the situation or how toxic working with someone difficult is. There are simply enough though, two choices, one being to continue to engage her in one to one discussions and try to find a middle ground. Some people do, with time. This requires the other person being willing to engage though. Alternatively, if the repair (and it is going to be a long, exhausting and repetitive process) doesn't seem worth it, leaving might be more healthy. There is no absolute right or wrong thing to do here. I would refrain from bringing an audience or mediators into this, as it might give her a platform to take the higher ground.
Anonymous
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Thank you for that. I agree. The time we brought mediation into the mix it seemed "ok" for a bit, but then she became the "victim" of my reaching out to HR FOR the mediation. (I heard on the grapevine that my involving HR was "confrontational") I worked with her in a positive way for the first time yesterday. I gave a compliment (that I meant) in front of leadership and that seemed to go a long way. I recognize she is not actually very confident and I am a "threat" to her not being the shiniest penny (not intentionally)
Anonymous
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I would offer that if your concern is her being consulted for recommendations for future promotional interviews by your current management i would stop and put that into perspective. If she is as truly inept as you've explained as a manager then her recommendation would be sought out of courtesy rather than professional need and your talent, reputation and work style is what has them considering you for a promotion. I would not project on the situation that she (who has none of the right answers) has everyone fooled and weilds such power over your future. At the end of the day your work and results speak for themselves. But the ease and good energy (for lack of a better word) sets the tone for the speed that others lend you support and champion you. Trust your talent and take your focus off your manager and anyone else you think can stand in your way. Ive found when someone can take up this much headspace of mine, there's a whole lot more going on with me personally than the other person. Focus on doing a steller job and learning and growing as a person and a professional (and I'm not speaking about a promotion). If there is opportunity to move ahead thats what will put you at the front and everyone will know it. If a single person can stand in your way this is not the place for you. Find a place that supports your growth and provides you the opportunity to offer that same support to others. That is success.
Jackie Ruka
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1.27k
ProfessionalHappyologist Thrive in your purpose.
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It’s a tough situation dealing with families, Covid and stringent policies. What would you do if you were in her shoes and had to deal with you? How would you better handle you in this situation and be up against hospital policy? Look at it from a different perspective. Neither of you have it any easier. So why not make it more amendable?
Cami Caudill
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136
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oh god... I'd fire me. I am sometimes difficult. But I have such good intentions. I have not moved on the two visitor policy until this one. The kids were young adults and the deaths were not covid related. (hippa-but so complicated and so tragic) you are right and I appreciate your saying that. Looking from that perspective is helpful. I know I am not the easiest human in town.
Melody Little
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We had a case of difficult boss to work for. Everyone who worked on the floor agreed. So a letter was sent to HR. We each added an example of why this boss made their day more stressful. it was unsigned and typed so signatures couldn't be held against employees. The results were, an amazing attitude shift from the boss, and a more relaxed working environment. coarse we weren't dealing with covid either then, but it was a cancer, renal ward.
Victoria Kulli
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17
Manager, Infusion Center
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Got it. That type of policy needs to be changed. I would go to your boss and advocate for changes that need to be made. If she ignores you, go to your boss’ boss. Let that person know that you tried to work with your boss but you and she didn’t see eye-to-eye. Your boss sounds toxic and a bit drunk on power. You’re not in a good position at this moment especially since your boss is the one who can break your career. You probably need to go to HR and discuss.
Anonymous
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That's bull. I'm sorry - hospital policy isn't made all willy-nilly. The reason there are limits on the number of end of life visitors is covid. There are very real consequences for allowing additional people into that room. If she goes to HR, she should be termed for breaking a policy.
Victoria Kulli
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17
Manager, Infusion Center
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Unfortunately in healthcare, if it’s in a policy, its black and white. It has to be followed to the letter of the law, so to speak. That being said it sounds like you’re not in a good position with your current boss. I would suggest looking elsewhere. You could, if you’re feeling gutsy, let your boss know that you’re unhappy, and see if you can has things out. As they say, people leave bad bosses.
Cami Caudill
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I guess I should explain. Our current "policy" allows TWO people for patients at end of life. last week a dying patient had THREE children. I "allowed" all three. I have zero guilt for this- the patient died with all three of her children at her bedside. Her husband had died 3 months ago with only 2 of the three children at his bedside. My boss wrote me up. HER boss (my next level boss) commended me. This is the type of policy we differ so greatly in.
Jennifer
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Nurse in Iowa
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I would have shared your same compassion. It was the right thing to do and you did not harm any human in your process. Could you gently challenge the policy with additional verbiage to allow some adjustment based on situations following safety and all the other protocols and expectations. Offer healthy rationale. Don’t present it in a power struggle tone. You know those types. Just present your compassionate side of your rationale. Kudos for doing the right thing that again did no harm.
Anonymous
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But it IS policy. Your boss is following protocol and the reality is that your actions could have consequences. It's a sucky situation, but if you broke policy and your boss didn't write you up that would be a problem. Policies exist for a reason and you don't get to decide when to follow them.
Anonymous
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I can’t add anything but I hate that you have to be in this position.
Melissa Nobile
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504
Handbell Choir Director
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With this type of crazy, I’d just continue to do my job and let her write me up. I’d “yes ma’am” her every time and then go off and do my best. If she writes you up, let her. Obviously, the upper management has no issues with how you operate.
Anonymous
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Hospital Covid policies suck, but they are policy for a reason. Breaking them should result in disciplinary action as they could have real consequences. 1) It increases liability - the next patient who is denied a third person as their bedside could sue for discrimination, 2) It's insubordination - OP knows the policy and willfully broke it and 3) It increases the health risks in the hospital. Just cos a policy sucks, doesn't mean we get to change it without going through proper channels.
Anonymous
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It sounds like you cannot move to a different group or location in your healthcare system and you have exhausted the HR option. This leopard will not change its spots and won’t hesitate to pounce on you. I would start looking for a new job if you don’t want to deal with her BS anymore. Both with formal job listings and with networking with contacts at other hospitals and health systems or organizations. Are there specialized recruiters for your field? I would check that out too. And hang in there until you land something new. Also, thank you for all that you’re doing in your job on the frontlines of this crisis.
Kyla Duffy
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164
Your PERSONAL Coach & Writer
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Is there an HR mediation option where you two could sit down and talk about how you could find a middle ground?
Cami Caudill
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We tried that a year ago. For a time it was better. She hates confrontation and felt as if I was "confronting her" for being a bad boss. (ok? maybe?) but I thought the meeting went well. I felt better but heard later through co-workers that she felt as if I were trying to "make her look bad" and that I had "anger management issues" I am afraid to try again but may try again to at least get me through another year. I fully recognize my part in this. I am not filled with hope and grace for this relationship. I am also not always easy to get along. I am pretty passionate and we communicate very differently.
User edited comment on 11/21/20 at 1:28PM UTC
Kyla Duffy
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164
Your PERSONAL Coach & Writer
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I'm sorry you're going through this and here for you if you need professional help sorting things out. It sounds like you're working for a "blamer" and your best recourse is to get out of that situation when you can. Best wishes!