I’m going to try to make a long story short but here goes-

Anonymous

August 2,2022 at 3:51PM UTC

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I’m going to try to make a long story short but here goes-

25 yrs at my workplace. I’m 63 and have only had 3 jobs in my life (I’m one of those loyal ones).

Every job I’ve ever had I’ve been promoted upward. I’ve worked in a few departments at this company but ended up in my current dept for the past 10-15 yrs.

Fast forwarding - I work with one woman who managed to talk them into getting her best friend in the dept. Since then theyve both basically taken over and are given everything. I keep asking for additional duties but seems I get things like moving files and making copies these days. Youd think they hung the moon.

I get stellar job reviews and I’ve talked to my supervisor about this but nothing happens.

I do have some very important and specific things I do and have done all these years but I really need/want more.

I make good money and have excellent PTO and benefits but I seriously feel like Cinderella. I’m left in the dark on most things and the “two” even went as far as completely changing a process that was given to us by our supervisor and handing it to me - telling me we were doing it their way. That’s a whole other story.

I’m kind, easy to get along with and work very hard. I was in the office with another person for two years- every day during Covid - making sure bases were covered. No thanks.

I lose sleep over this wondering what’s I did or didn’t do to be swept to the side. They’ve hired a couple of younger people and I’m not sure if this means I’m on my way out…even though supervisor assured not. The “two” are not much younger than me. They’ve even recently made arrangements for one to work out of state now full time-which is practically unheard of in the company.

I just don’t get it. I feel more worthless every day after being so dedicated.

Im 63, had breast cancer (won) and I’m happily married to my wife. It’s hard not to wonder if they just don’t want me.

PS- I do not wave the rainbow flag per say.

At a loss. Advice?

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Barb HansenAugust 2,2022 at 4:18PM UTC
How many years to have until you can retire? Can you wait it out?
Can you find some therapy to help you work through these feelings? Does your company offer any Employee Assistance Programs?
I'm not diminishing your feelings at all - I'm a big believer in trusting my gut. When my gut tells me something I listen. Yet I also spend time trying to figure out if what I'm feeling is gut-level or reactionary. Could some therapy help you find tools to deal with your current feelings?
And if you think your company is boxing you out to get you to leave or to fire you, do you need to make a plan for that outcome? You may not be able to stop them from pushing you out (because I don't think you can if you work in an at-will state) but having a plan may help you feel like you are in control. Spiffy up your resume, and start looking for a new role at a company that appreciates you.
AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 4:50PM UTC
I think the only explanation, given your glowing reviews, is a change in the power structure.
It happens. Nothing stays the same and expecting it too is foolish. These two are now calling the shots and you need to defer to them. It's human nature for some people to firm bonds not only for survival but for power. Sorry but it's been allowed to happen but management staying silent.
If these two have the power, you need to relinquish your plans to grow and continue to scale the hierarchy. It wont happen. Not because of anything you did or didn't do. But because they have deemed you very low on their priority list. They will wait for your retirement or an opportunity to help you leave. Whichever arrives first.
So you can either allow things to evolve towards retirement or use this time to stay under their radar and get a plan together to move on on your own terms. Update your resume, network and begin your transition out. Therapy will help and also a good career coach too if you plan to continue to work.
Again, it's nothing you did or didn't do. After all these years, things change, power shifts and this may no longer be the place for you. Just because you've been there for 25 years doesn't mean you have to stay.
Anne KrookAugust 2,2022 at 5:04PM UTC
Sounds like it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
It is currently a good market for job hunters: start writing down everything you do -- this may well take a month as you remember things over time -- and start describing them as though you were talking to a hiring manager. Then start looking for jobs. As you interview, you will learn how the market and job-applicant language has changed over time, and you will get better at applying. When you get a new job and give notice at this one, they will be surprised and try to hire you back. Think very carefully if you want that to happen.
AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 5:15PM UTC
I think there's two questions you should ask yourself:
1. What additional tasks or responsibilities do you want to take on? (Be very specific, your manager needs to know what your interests are, they don't know what they don't know and they can't read your mind)
2. Do you really want to take on more? (or do you just feel left out)
From your post it sounds like this may be a little more personal, feeling left out, rather than a business need or change. You should ask the two employees to chat and let them know what's on your mind...having HR or your manager present could be helpful as a mediator, but if you're able to resolve on your own then do that. They may be surprised of your feelings and will start including you more - or they could be defensive and leave you out even more.
It seems like a situation you could either let go and not let it bother you or take action and be specific in your needs - if your needs are not met then start job searching.
P.S. Please don't EVER let a job make you feel worthless. You're a cancer survivor, you're happily married...your worth comes from within. Don't give a job power over your feelings and don't be loyal to them, be loyal to yourself and your needs ?
Audrey KirschAugust 2,2022 at 6:38PM UTC
You've run into the mean girl syndrome. It's like being back in high school around the popular clicks. Either you're in or your out. Don't play their game. Do your work the best you can and continue to ask your supervisor for more opportunities. Point out those that you think you'd be good at. They are teammates, not your supervisors or managers. Don't let them dictate how you do things. Be careful though not to outright alienate them as this type can be very good at the subtle back stab to get you pushed out altogether. I'm sorry you are going through this.
AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 7:08PM UTC
It doesn’t sound like they don’t want you out, it sounds like they want to do things their way.
Have their changes negatively or positively impacted the quality of your department’s work? Since they are friends, it’s totally human to think they are icing you out, and the only way to get through that is unfortunately to be assertive. Involve yourself. Maybe start with the one who is still working in house.
I know the feeling and it sucks and it’s sad. But don’t lose confidence over it! Get your glass slippers on and head to the ball, Cinderella :)
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistAugust 2,2022 at 8:32PM UTC
I'm so sorry that at 63, you're still having to deal with mean girls. They suck.
AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 11:02PM UTC
It seems to me that it would make sense for you to seek out new opportunities in other parts of your company or externally.
You are an excellent employee who is likely being undervalued.
As for your current job: think of it as being a way to fund your job search. Put your emotional energy into moving ahead and enjoying your personal life.
AnonymousAugust 3,2022 at 3:32AM UTC
Ageism pure and simple.
They are icing you out, which is a form of bullying and could be an EEO offense. I lost my job at 63 after a few years of this kind of thing, and like you, I tried to figure things out and did what I could to change it. Turns out, nothing I did could have change things. They were just letting me take up space until I retired, and I was having none of it. I wanted to be relevant and respected, and it literally drove me crazy. I wound up giving them "cause" to let me go, though I did get severance, fortunately.
Your two choices are 1) listen to podcasts while you do busy work for the next 4 years or 2) look for another job or 3) take early retirement and find another job that will give you medical benefits even if it doesn't pay well, so you can make it to age 65 when you qualify for Medicare.
I did find another job after being let go, but it pays less. I investigated the U.S. retirement system and the fact that you can get SS at 62 but Medicare at 65 puts us in a bind. We are expected to be happy with whatever we get to tide us over those 3 years. I've heard it called R.I.P. - retired in position.
AnonymousAugust 3,2022 at 3:46AM UTC
Document everything! Email notes to yourself, email summaries of conversations with your boss to your boss, and if you are legally able to do it, secretly record your conversations with the people doing this to you.
AnonymousAugust 3,2022 at 6:24PM UTC
Thank you all very much for your advice and encouragement.
It’s been very helpful. ♥️
GirlBossanova934974August 7,2022 at 12:49PM UTC
I don't see a whole lot of 'new' here. Not so ethical managers often hire their pals, buddies, chums, their cousin's niece, golf buddy etc etc. We just had that go on in our organization around 5-6 months ago. Some Big Cheese at the top of the company put his buddy on top of our business unit and there went our monthly bonus checks for the last 6 months. Buddy Boy aka Mr. Screw Up is constantly learning on the job. In your case, I would look for a TRANSFER in your company. I myself have transferred twice in the last 10 years. It's easier than you think. PS: Ethical Managers don't hire their buddies for a reason. If something doesn't go right and people find out it was a buddy boy or buddy girl hire, there goes your reputation right out the window! The Big Cheeses in our company now are looking pretty silly having to cover for Mr. Screw Up. They bought his line hook line and sinker and now have an omelet all over their shirts.
Liz MilneAugust 7,2022 at 9:54PM UTC
The invisibility of being older... It makes me so angry when young people assume that grey hair and middle-age spread means that you're just about ready for death (and it starts in your 40s!)
Fight back! Use your years of wisdom and experience to put them right - or, if their new system is better, adapt to it. But always be wary of two-against-one scenarios like this: if it comes to your word against theirs, they have the power of numbers...
Susan MichaelAugust 8,2022 at 12:59PM UTC
I am so sad to hear that you are having a feeling of inadequacy due to co-workers, know you are great and some people are just plain mean.
Here’s some tactics that may help:
- You mentioned your supervisor isn’t really helping the situation, I recommend documenting how you execute on the important/specific items you referenced and lay out a game plan of what work you want to take on with your supervisor. Let them know you can hand-off the other work (if comfortable) or share that work due to the great transition plan (documentation) you’ve put together. Also, be specific on what type of work you want to take on. If not possible in your current role that sets to the stage for movement to other roles.
- I know easier said than done but have you talked with your co-workers about your willingness and desire to help? When they threw the new process on you did you set up time so you can ask questions, better understand, and potentially influence change by having a dialogue about what drove the initial change?
- Do you have skip-level meetings with your leaders? Share your desire to continue growing with them as well.
I hope we can hear a positive update soon, wishing you all the best.