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How to recover from a setback
About two years ago I made the mistake of trying to help a neighbor. I was a substitute teacher in her child's class. Her child had been having a hard time acclimating to the new school and despite meeting with administrators her mom was frustrated and wondering how to help her child. One day, after our kids got on the bus, she asked me about her child and what I observed in the class. I shared with her behaviors I observed while in the classroom- sticking strictly to her child and things that anyone in the room could have noticed. My heart was in the right place. However, the school district submitted a "confidential" critical review of my actions that day- citing unprofessionalism and breach of confidentiality. I only know of the review because the substitute agency called me to let me know it had been filed. I was strongly encouraged not to contact the school about it, and to act as though nothing happened. Interestingly enough, the district allowed me to continue substituting, even filling in for a month in a particular class. Prior to this incident, I had applied for positions with this district and never received interest from them. Needless to say, I didn't receive interest from them afterward the either. Fast forward a few months, and an administrator I was friendly with (at different school from where the incident occurred) called me to tell me the district would never hire me because of what happened. It was as close as I got to a conversation with district leaders. Two months later, the district offered me a long-term substitute position, which I declined.
My question is... how do I move past this. It's been over two years and it still bothers me. I live in a very small county and everyone knows everyone else. For a variety of reasons I cannot travel more than 30 minutes from my home. How can I rebrand myself? How can I find closure?
As an aside... I have applied at every district within a 30-minute radius and never receive a response. I imagine that one of a few things is happening: 1. I am overqualified. 2. My application cannot get through the applicant tracking system. 3. Word has gotten around about my indiscretion.
Fifilarue
60
05/10/20 at 9:57PM UTC
“She told me we all need to be held accountable, which of course I agree with. And then she changed the subject.“
This is true but even those who are convicted of a crime finally are considered to have served their time and get a chance to move on. You haven’t had a fair hearing and you seem to be being held accountable for much longer than is appropriate (based on what you’ve told us)
If it were me I’d try to track down the file and formally request the notes removal due to time elapsed. Or to ask for a mitigating statement to be added describing your good conduct since. You deserve a second chance
Anonymous
05/10/20 at 11:29PM UTC
Thank you for your thoughts! I should ask the sub agency for a mitigating statement. I hadn’t thought of that.
There are always at least two sides to every story... Unfortunately, I only know what I’ve been able to piece together. Looking back, I wish I had talked to the administration as soon as I learned of the bad review. Timing was not on my side that day. I found out at about 3:45 the day before Easter break. By the time I was off the phone with the sub agency the school office was closed.
I always want to be held accountable for my actions and to make amends when I make a mistake. And do so as professionally as I can.
I appreciate the feedback. Thank you!
Anonymous
05/08/20 at 7:54PM UTC
Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas. While I cannot move, you all have reminded me that I do have options. Thank you for that. Stay safe and healthy!
Steph282
29
05/08/20 at 7:46PM UTC
Now we could be a good time. If you have the time right now. My mom lives in a small town so I know what you are saying with everyone knowing everything. Good luck to you. Wish you all the best.?
Anonymous
05/08/20 at 7:53PM UTC
Thank you for your kind words.
Steph282
29
05/08/20 at 8:03PM UTC
You are most welcome!
Anonymous
05/07/20 at 3:40PM UTC (Edited)
Thank you for your thoughts! I’ve considered online teaching. I am
currently getting my ESL certification, so maybe something will work out. I’m trying to see this pandemic as a chance for change. So much is uncertain right now.
Steph282
29
05/07/20 at 2:24PM UTC
Try teaching online. There are organizations always needing ESL teachers and home school teachers. As for your records even if they are in another state you still have a right to see them. I would press until you get them.
Elizabeth Marie
1.58k
05/08/20 at 6:57PM UTC
that's a good idea!
Anonymous
05/06/20 at 5:45PM UTC
I would try to work at these Kumon after school tutoring business. I would also not work for these people who did this to you. I would also tell your husband what happened. This could affect his business too. Maybe he has some yank to get you see what was written about you. Maybe he knows someone who can as least help you see what was written. You must pursue this. You have to know what someone wrote about you. It is your right. This incident will affect you the rest of your professional life. What if you and your husband divorced? How will you support yourself? You really need to address these questions.
Anonymous
05/06/20 at 5:12PM UTC
"When I asked if it would be reported to the state and my license marked, the agency representative laughed and said it wasn't a big deal". --- excuse me It is a big deal. It is you not her. You find out if your license is marked- make calls- ask people in authority not some dummy who laughed at you when you asked. No one help you but yourself. We here on FairyGodBoss can only offer advice. What you do with it is up to you. My suggestion is to move to a different area. Work first for these people and save your money in order to move. More interestingly to me is- what state do you work in? All schools are closed in my state Michigan. All work is virtual classroom now. Lessons are given on Zoom or some other web site. I think most schools are closed in the US.
Anonymous
05/06/20 at 5:20PM UTC
My state’s schools are closed, too. I am in the mid-Atlantic region. Everyone is teaching virtually, so I am furloughed at the moment. There are, however, job postings for next school year (though no one yet knows what that will look like). I’ve considered applying at state cyber charter schools.
Unfortunately I cannot move. My husband has an established business in our town.
I did check online to see if my license is affected, and it isn’t.
I appreciate everyone’s thoughts and advice! It gives me something to think about. Thank you all so much!
Gina DiamanteNews Editor at KPBS, San Diego's PBS/NPR station
880
05/07/20 at 1:45PM UTC
I think you’re limiting yourself with 30 miles. But then I commute 60 one way. It’s worth it.
Anonymous
05/07/20 at 3:07PM UTC
I've done the one hour drive one way for 15 years. It is not that bad. However whne it is very bad weather a few times my one hour drive turned into a 4 hour on the way home. It was rough but worth it. You should think about this.
Anonymous
05/07/20 at 2:04PM UTC
I do agree that I’m limiting myself. The reasons are complicated. Perhaps working from home most of the time, with occasional visits to an office could work. It’s hard to say. Thank you for your thoughts!
Nora Arant BrennanMom to 2 boys, wife to 1 man
52
05/06/20 at 2:53PM UTC
Wow that's a shame. I think I would go meet with the head of the school district where the file was made and saved. My first question to you is: were you instructed not to share any information to parents? Did you sign any kind of confidentiality agreement? If not, and you were penalized for it, you could possibly have a lawsuit. I wouldn't go that route, no lawyer would most likely take it, but that would be the basis of my argument...and I would be reasonable in my behavior, much like you were in your description. Explain the situation, it's devastating impact on you, and how you honored everyone's unfair request to keep the note in the file confidential...you've proven that you can do that...even though it was unfair to you.
Anonymous
05/06/20 at 4:10PM UTC
Thank you for your thoughts! My first inclination when I learned what happened was to call and speak to school officials. The sub agency told me not to, that it would make it worse. So, I didn't. At least not then.
Looking at the sub agency's handbook, in layman's terms it states that I need to follow district policies and that I shouldn't disclose "proprietary or confidential information to unauthorized persons." I can see how a district could consider my actions in breach of that. However, one could argue the child's parent is not an unauthorized person.
As for sitting down with a head administrator... I did attempt to speak with her when she called me about a potential long-term sub position. She told me we all need to be held accountable, which of course I agree with. And then she changed the subject.
The disciplinary action taken by the sub agency was a simple phone conversation with me. When I asked if it would be reported to the state and my license marked, the agency representative laughed and said it wasn't a big deal. The review would, however, be included in my file.
I have no proof that anyone in the district has spoken about this with other districts. However, it's a small community. Everyone knows everyone, and it wouldn't surprise me if it came up somehow.
I guess my question should really be, how can I transition to a new career, and how do I get past any negativity? Even in switching careers, everyone here knows everyone else...
Gina DiamanteNews Editor at KPBS, San Diego's PBS/NPR station
880
05/07/20 at 1:44PM UTC
I’ve done transitions. For me it was a matter of emphasizing skills that would apply elsewhere. You probably could go into training of some kind. Maybe even online training. But if it truly is that kind of small town it may be best to leave it altogether and find a new home. Done that too. And it was always worth it.
Anonymous
05/07/20 at 2:08PM UTC
Thank you for your thoughts! I’m no stranger to transitions. Teaching is a second career. And prior to staying home to raise my children, I had a successful career teaching elementary school. Afterward, I had been a popular substitute. I had one moment that someone didn’t like and now I’m finding it hard to move past it.
I will persevere! Thanks again for your feedback.
Anonymous
05/06/20 at 2:03PM UTC (Edited)
If possible ask your friend if it is possible to have that paper in your file removed. I know someone who had gotten in a very bad situation becuase of no fault of their own. The boss did not like them thus wrote a very bad review of them. A lady in a personnel department liked that person after they gotten to know them. She removed that bad review citing it got lost in the move. Privately, this person was told by the personnel lady- everyone deserves a fresh start.
Also from what I read, it looks like the child's mother told the district's your observations. Evidently what was observed was not in the DISTRICT'S best interest, there fore you were blackballed.
Also I had a similair thing happen to me when I first started. A supervisor placed a very negative review in my credential file unknown to me. After sending this file to several districts and being rejected although I was at the top of my class and had overall had great recommendations that I knew of except for this unknown bad review. To make a long story short, I was able to get my hands on my credential file and remove her negative review. I tried again to find work, but she had so many connections with many districts I was rejected again and again. I had to lay low for a while so I took office work which was beneath my abilities, plus I had to lie about my education. But after a few years, I got my career rolling. Ironically, I had to go back to school and take one class from her ( right when I got started and she was the only one teaching it) in order to get a certain certification. When she saw me the very first thing she did run over and asked me "Where are you working?" Not how are you, how are you doing but Where are you working? I just smiled, lied and said I'm not working. I knew she didn't believe it. But every class she would make up some excuse to talk to me. She was dead set on having me fired. I kept on telling her I wasn't working. Plus I asked others in the class if their were any job openings. She even got her student friends to try to befriend me to find out where I was working. Overall, she knew I was working and I heard she say I was very closed mouthed about it. In the end I got B in her class, but I know I turned in A work. But if I had told her where I was working, I would not have worked for 30 years and retired. On another note, I discovered she continued to work until she was 82 years old. I just wondered how many people was she successful in ruining their professional lives. She is a very vindictive person. Once she didn't like you , you were all done and she worked very hard to make you unemployable.
Again- if possible have someone remove that paper from your file. You will never find work near you. And you cannot put down on your references you worked there. They will NOT give you a positive reference. To me, moving would be your best option as well as removing this paper from your file. See if this company can help you do this or the best way is to have someone there remove, say nothing and still move. As you say, it is a small community and they know you have been branded.
Anonymous
05/07/20 at 2:37PM UTC
Oh, thank you for your post. I think that's what is happening to me too, being blackballed. Somehow, the Universe knows that, but I didn't until I read your post. Fortunately, I have other options---I don't have to work for a school district which can promote very exclusive social atmosphere. I'm in the child care industry and hopefully, I can get a job as a nanny. But, the funny thing is I have a feeling that the Universe wants me to return as a teacher for the physically, mentally, and cognitively challenged---20 miles from my home. I don't like the idea of driving two hours a day, five days a week. I was thinking I might have to rent a studio near work and live there M-th and enjoy being home from Friday to Sunday evenings. I would retire if I could, but alas, I have at least 15 years of work ahead. I wish I was a trust-fund baby so I wouldn't have to deal with being blackballed.
Anonymous
05/06/20 at 2:47PM UTC
Thank you for your thoughts. And, I believe you hit the nail on the head. The child's mother did tell the district my observations. Perhaps I should not have had talked to her, but if I had thought I was being unprofessional or breaking confidentiality, I NEVER would have had the conversation. To complicate things further, I learned recently that the mother may have embellished whatever she told the administrators. But, I cannot prove that. Instead, I have stopped associating with her, in part because I fear that our conversations could become misconstrued. I try not to let it define me, but as you mentioned in your response: it is a small town. People talk.
I had asked to see a copy of the review, but was told I couldn't. The file is somewhere in another state, so removing it is not an option.
Now I am trying to rebuild my brand. It's possible I can wait out the administrators involved, but I think it's more likely I will find a different field in which to work.
I am involving myself in some volunteer opportunities to hopefully showcase my professionalism.
Thank you again for your thoughts. You are an inspiration! Kudos for not letting your challenges define you. I really appreciate you sharing your story. It gives me hope.
User deleted comment on 05/05/20 at 10:20PM UTC
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