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Bullying at work
I have been experiencing bullying in my Corp. career since I moved into my newest role, I was assigned a mentor for “training” me who has sabotaged me by delaying responses to questions and access to information but providing support directly to my stakeholders and taking ideas I have to the boss as his own. Now as a result my stakeholders are not responding to my emails and cutting me out. One even told me this week that I don’t want to work so he doesn’t bother me. He told me I never helped with any of his projects and assumed the same for the rest of his team. I corrected him professionally with reminders of three large projects but he continued his rant. None of it is true. I am a high performing sale rep who came to HQ role as a remote. I had tried to talk to my boss about it but nothing changed. That mentor also got an award. I am at a loss but need to have this dynamic change. I scheduled a call with that stakeholders boss (who I meet with regularly to update on projects). Not sure what to say. Last meeting she asked me to work with this person even though I had already been working with him. Should I bring up the venomous rant? How can I leverage the opportunity to get
Things back on track with her team without sounding like a tattle tale?
Anonymous
05/28/19 at 3:47PM UTC
I am very sorry that you are experiencing this in your workplace. It is never a good place to be when you feel that you are not able to do your best due to the actions of others. I am a 30+ year senior HR professional and I have some thoughts on how you can move past this.
First, sometimes people are put in positions as leads, mentors or managers that should not be. Often times these individuals are subject matter experts and the organization puts them in positions to be trainers or leaders of others when in reality they do not have the skill set to be in those roles. When that happens it is normal to see situations in which there is turmoil, personality conflicts and dissatisfaction that the person being trained feels they are short-changed. While the intent is often good, the process is not well thought out.
I regularly challenge my leadership team when I see these types of employee relations issues coming to light. I have even asked that a trainer be removed due to situations of the new employees feeling they were being set up to fail because information needed to do their job was vague and or not shared at all. We have found that not all subject matter experts want to train or lead and/or should be put in such roles.
I would recommend that you partner with your HR rep and manager at your site to express your concerns. If you feel comfortable you may want to sit down with this person to express your concerns and give them an opportunity to respond. I have seen situations in which the trainer/mentor/leader did not have ill intent in what they were doing, they just simply were individual contributors who were not really team players.
I wish you best wishes as you work through this. Hope this helps.
Lady PeleRetired Project Manager
3.96k
05/28/19 at 11:35AM UTC
Whenever I bring problem to an executive, I always try to bring potential solutions as well. When you speak to the stakeholder's boss, you can acknowledge that your relationship with her subordinate needs improvement, and identify what you've tried (emails, reports, calls, etc.). Then you can ask for alternative communication methods that you might have overlooked. Perhaps working with remote people isn't his forte.
I would recommend that you minimize any "he said" comments unless she asks about it. Instead focus on her knowledge of him and how to effectively communicate with him on current and future projects. Focus on wanting her area and the company to be successful and that you are looking for ways to help ensure that happens.
Good luck!
Melani Sugiono
12
05/28/19 at 3:16AM UTC
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Focused623661
26
05/27/19 at 10:21PM UTC
Bullying in the workplace is more common then people realize, and it is still being covered up. Even when people report it, it is not taken seriously without full documentation showing clearly what has happened. If you are serious about making a complaint, first go to a lawyer to be advised on the best way to proceed, and so you know exactly what you need to provide. Even armed with this information, please prepare yourself for a challenging journey if you want to stay at the company. I know colleagues that are bullied at high profile, well known companies as well as smaller firms.
Robert Davis
14
05/27/19 at 4:17PM UTC
Try getting to know each person in your story. Ask them to meet you for coffee. Get to know them personally. You are likely to find that they, like you, are flawed human beings trying to find their way through life and the workplace.
Anonymous
05/28/19 at 1:22PM UTC
You may be right, but you are assuming that they are all like you. There are people that are more than just flawed. They have serious disorders that they have been working a lifetime to build. They cannot see how destructive they are to others, particularly those whom they perceive as a threat. It is a mistake to minimize how harmful toxic behavior in the workplace can be, especially if it is unchecked. A person dealing with a toxic individual should get help to address the situation from an expert on workplace bullying or narcisscistic behavior and then decide on the best path for themselves. I did all of the things that have been suggested and stayed too long. It did nothing but damage my career and my health. (For those of you who might be wondering, I have never had problems with any other jobs or people and have never had anyone try to fire me before. I was always a well respected employee and colleague.) Believe it or not, there are those people who will zero in on you for whatever illogical reason and bully you. It doesn't matter why. What matters is that you protect yourself and do what is right for you. https://www.workplacebullying.org/individuals/problem/definition/
Robert Davis
14
05/28/19 at 2:06PM UTC
I am an older person and I have seen it all. There are a lot of troubled people in the workplace, sure, but they are not all psychopaths. I urge you to keep an open mind. Maybe you will save someone.
Anonymous
05/29/19 at 5:46AM UTC
I, too, am an older person and I tried to keep an open mind and it has negatively affected my health and my career. I only suggest that people arm themselves with information about toxic work environments and the difference between someone who is having a bad day and someone who has a significant problem. This person is dealing with someone who has used her work as his own, sabotaged her with her stakeholders and did not respond to her in a professional manner but with a venomous response. I hope that she will educate herself, protect herself and get out if necessary. We aren't responsible to fix our co-workers' problems particularly when they are hostile toward us and appear to need professional help. This may not always be the case, but it sounds like it is for the person who wrote in.
Anonymous
05/27/19 at 3:54PM UTC
Bullies and narcissists are everywhere. If you have objective proof and your boss will do nothing, get a new job. My guess is that this "mentor" has been allowed to behave this way in the past and everyone has ignored it. It is easier for management to let it slide than to deal with the bullies and the venomous rants themselves. Find an executive coach who can help you deal with this or find a new job. Your "mentor" can set your career back years and you are smart enough get out before more damage is done. Look online for "workplace bullying" and find support in the city or town where you live. I was in your position far too long and did not get out soon enough. You are far too valuable to endure that abuse.
BethB
554
05/27/19 at 2:40PM UTC
While there are wonderful HR professionals many feel their obligation is to protect the company not you. While it shouldn’t be, people who complain to HR are seen as troublemakers. Showing proof might feel good but his isn’t high school where a guidance counselor might be able to intervene. I might not understand your company dynamic but but it doesn’t sound like your mentor is your direct manager. If that is right stop acting like it. Don’t ask before you do something, don’t report to mentor, report to manager. If you need to, copy the mentor on emails. Ask to meet with the stakeholder who said you don’t want to work and at the meeting say something like... I want to clear up any misunderstandings about my willingness to work and support the company’s goals. It seems like you aren’t seeing that from me. What do you need to see from me going forward? Don’t be defensive. Don’t make accusations. Take the mentor out and take the bull by the horns.
Anonymous
05/27/19 at 2:02PM UTC
First and for most, I am truly sorry you are dealing with this and I understand where you are coming from prior experience. Who assigned your mentor to you - your boss or HR? A mentor relationship is to develop your skills, not hinder your success. Either way, I would see if you can request a new mentor.
On the point of people sabotaging your work, document everything. Once you have a good amount of documentation (which you may already have), I would go to your manager. If your manager doesn't do anything, then go to their manager and if this doesn't work, go to HR. If HR doesn't do anything, make sure you have everything documented because you may have to report it your organizations anonymous hotline to get action. Unfortunately, workplace bullying has become a norm and there is a difference between providing stern guidance versus bullying someone. Sadly, if nothing is done after all the above is exhausted, then you may have to decide to take a different role or look for another role with a different company. :-(
It looks like you have documentation; however, I would consolidate everything into one document in case when you request a new mentor they ask why. This also may alert them to have a conversation with your mentor that their attitude is not appropriate.
In reference to your projects, whomever has been causing people to think of you that way, are they apart of the project? If not, I would have a relaunch of the project or a status update meeting explaining the few changes. Communicate often with your stakeholders and eventually people will see it wasn't you but someone else. It will take a little while to re-establish and repair the mindset of those who do not think great of you but focus on finding new avenues to get the information you need and if the person is not responding to your request, ensure your stakeholders are aware. One of the best things I learned running projects/programs is provide communication on the good and the bad because even if it is information they don't want to hear, you are providing them something. Ultimately, your stakeholders or project sponsor(s) will provide the authority needed to ensure all projects stay on track.
Good luck and know you have people in your corner here supporting you!
Llama farmerAllgineer
51
05/26/19 at 1:40PM UTC
Get a new job. My boss told me i was being sabotaged and when i reported it, i was accused of overreacting by the CEO
aayesha sStriving for Success
15
05/27/19 at 4:50PM UTC
I would suggest to stay there and fight for your rights
Anonymous
05/26/19 at 1:33PM UTC
"One even told me this week that I don’t want to work so he doesn’t bother me. " Who said this, your mentor or your stakeholder? Is your mentor actively stopping your direct communications to your stakeholders, as in he has implemented technology blockers that prevent you from calling and email your stakeholders?
If so, then go to your HR and IT departments immediately.
If not, then stop inserting him into your communications with them.
When you meet with your stakeholder boss, bring documentation with you. Have email timestamps with durations and delays. Ask the person mentioned above to document his/her interaction and send it to you. Or show up to the meeting. You need evidence. Yes bring up the venomous rant. Do it objectively, as in "perceptions and comments such as these impact my ability to do my job." Leave feelings out of it entirely.
Also examine your own experiences and feelings. Why is reporting deliberate attempts to prevent you from doing your job make you a tattle-tale/snitch? You are reporting facts. We, in general, need to get past letting other people's feeling matter more than our own.
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