Can't take it!

Question

Hi! I am looking for some advice. I'm scared. I was promoted at my job about the same time our company merged with a tech company. I am not technical. I am a single mom and can't invest the time to try to catch up to my peers computer knowledge, or even if there is time. This happened so fast! The way our company did things changed and is still changing and I have to keep up. I worry the most about the site and I get paid the least.  My lack of computer knowledge is coming to light. It's not going to be long before I'm demoted or fired. I just started a new field with my promotion, and I know I don't have the credentials.  Maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit. I don't know. I'm 49, and the only other thing I'm trained to do is bartend. That's not possible with kids. I tried. I'm scared to quit so bad but am more afraid of not having another one! I feel like if I don't quit, I'm going to get sick. If I quit, there's no money. I can't help but feel like a failure because I can't do what these people do...is 'talk that good game' to get ahead. I thought hard work prevails but not here.

Yaca Attwood · Answer

If you are feeling intimidated about taking classes - I'm in IT, Database Administrator.  My situation was not exactly equivalent to yours, but I think you might want to try this:  I was trained on and used to a particular technology (IBM Mainframe Computers).  One day, I came into work, and there were installation manuals for something called Oracle on a NCR UNIX Server.

I didn't know anything about Oracle. I didn't know anything about UNIX - I had no idea.  I got a book called 'UNIX for Dummies' (don't be put off by the 'Dummies' - these are really good, humorous books that explain computer concepts well).  One of the UNIX Sysadmins felt sorry for, er, befriended me, and he gave me an account on an isolated UNIX workstation and said,  'don't worry, you can't harm anything - you can use this to practice on'  I sat with the UNIX For Dummies, and tried commands - something didn't work, but others did, and it was a thrill!

It took me over a week (and a few calls) to install Oracle ('Progress Is A New Error Message')...nowadays, I can install it in less than two hours or so (the later versions also got easier).  I use various flavors of UNIX (AIX/HP-UX/Oracle Solaris) and Linux.  I was also 'thrown to the wolves' with regards to SQL Server on Windows, but I've gotten adequate with that.

If you can, get a computer, and one of the 'Dummies' books, and just have fun - if you mess something up, you won't do any harm - in most cases, with Windows computers, you can just turn it off and on again (reboot), and things will be fine

All the best to you in your career!

Kim Lindsay · Answer

Aw chin up Changemaker you got this. Human beings are always smarter faster stronger than computers. Embrace technology; none of us truly knows all the answers :) Just trust in yourself and I promise you won’t feel this way for long

gailsnewglamlife@gmail.com · Answer

HI! Smile, take a really deep breath and stop imaging things negatively.  This is a great opportunity for you to grow and surprise yourself with what you can do.  Ask questions regarding what your job will entail now.

The more positive remarks you make regarding your new exciting experience, the better you will feel.  I'm quite sure the people that promoted you are not panicking about what they think you can't do, they are celebrating all they know you will do.

Crystal Rhineberger · Answer

Nowhere is this a failure! Applaud yourself that you have caught this and are reaching out! This means you are able to change it.
Mayb even go to your local library. You can take the kids! Some libraries have programs and events. Others just the self help and if you list off what the issue is they can point you in a good direction.
I have been known to do this and have had great success! Mine had a microsoft word program update. It was 10years since I have used that program, I was blown away!
Also in your hr department (and this can be a long shot) do they have a training tutor? Or even a recommendation of a skilled co-worker who can help you adjust? Sometimes working as a team is not just a success project its a success individual strengthening the team!

Lynne Cogan · Answer

You are in a challenging position. It might require some self-exploration; it might require training.

Does your particular job require you to improve your technology skills? If it does and you aren't able or do not want to learn those skills, your job could be in jeopardy. You see, it isn't hard work that gets people ahead--at least, not the definition that most people use.

For me hard work is a concerted, focused effort toward achieving a specific goal: A task, a project. At work, this goal should make a contribution to the employer. Maybe as others have eluded to: You could be experiencing impostor syndrome--thinking that you are not doing as good a job as you really are. (Googling should bring up hundreds of articles about this.)

But if your fears are accurate--if your job requires you to accomplish 'X' goal and that requires technology that you do not want or are unable to learn, then you are in a lose/lose scenario. You are miserable and scared and your employer isn't getting what it is paying you for.

You could discuss your situation with your manager and come up with a plan to get you up to speed for your job, if you are not already there. After all, s/he could be very satisfied with your work. Of course, it is scary to broach a subject that could (but might not) lead to you discovering that your assessment of the situation is accurate.

After all the support you are getting from the other comments, mine might seem harsh. But it isn't really. What it is saying is that if you are unable to adapt to the environment as the company is today, you would be best looking for a company and position in an environment better suited to your talents and interests.

No, I didn't leave off skills. Skills can be learned--even at 52, 62, 102. There are many opportunities. The types of courses that several people mentioned are called MOOC, which stands for Mass Open Online Courses. Look it up. There are many websites, including LinkedIn (mentioned above) that provide these for free or low-fee. Some are taught by top universities, such as Harvard and Stanford; others are by big corporations such as Microsoft; others are taught by independent thought leaders, experts in various fields. These courses include but are not limited to technology.

Where there is a challenge, there is a solution. Open to exploring all the possibilities. Think in terms of how you will do this rather than why you can't. You can figure this out and develop a plan to get you to the other side of this.

Erin Beemer · Answer

How you feel is natural, the unknown or the negative 'what if's' swirling in your head can definitely cause anxiety or even panic. You can't allow yourself to go down this path, you really will get sick as you mentioned. If your boss has not said you're going to be demoted or fired, why do you think so? I would suggest you take a step back and really quantify (write it down)  exactly what skills you think you're missing, then prioritize and work on them one at a time. Learning 1 thing at a time is manageable. Imagining all the things you don't know without really defining it will drive you crazy.  You can do it. YOU. CAN. DO. IT. You're already doing the hardest job (single mom).  Consider something else... you may feel you don't possess tech skills but you have other skills. And you mentioned a trait which a lot of young people I've worked with don't (or haven't developed yet) and that is ownership/accountability. I think that combined with making a plan which you could share with your boss shows a lot of initiative and willingness to grow and that is a top reason to keep someone on the team.

Anonymous · Answer

Also, being scared is a natural reaction to the unknown or fears of being inadequate.  Try to harness this and see it as an opportunity to grow.   Fear is normal - embrace it knowing that you are challenging yourself and you will come through this initial stage of uncertainty.

Anonymous · Answer

I recently read an article indicating that individuals with liberal arts degrees have been very successful working in tech as employers are looking for individuals with 'human skills' .  I also 2nd the advice to take advantage of on-line training as needed via Linkedin.  Ask your manager what she/he would recommend to continue to develop the skills needed to be successful in your new role.  Try to avoid focusing on what you now perceive as a lack, and focus on your strengths, skills, and the job/people performance that resulted in your promotion.  You've got this, I know it!

amyoconnor · Answer

Please do not say 'I am Not....' anything    When you wake up and go to bed repeat positive affirmation.  Fight through it. You can do it.  Use online tutorials   if you are on social media you can ask questions in real time and we will help....

Mandy Trouten · Answer

Depending on what you need to know, there is a lot of info available online and in books. You can work on this while you're eating your lunch, for 1-2 hours in the evening at home, and on the weekends. Take a deep breath and carefully look at your life and schedule. There has to be a way to make this work.

Can't take it!

You're invited.

See what women are sharing on Fairygodboss.