I was raised by a master "lecturer" and now that I am well into my sixth decade of life, I often find myself telling (because I have so much experience, of course) instead of asking. But frankly, if you really want your children to truly understand and OWN what you are endeavoring to get across, then ask questions instead: What do you think about what just happened? What might have worked out better? How do you decide if that remark is kind or not? Why might this not be a good idea? How is that helping?
It's easier to just tell our children what to do, but then they never really learn the internal controls that they so desperately need if they aren't provided with the opportunity to have to think about their behavior and the "why" behind it. I wish I had understood the value of questioning when my own children were young. Such a powerful tool!