The Hard Truths About Women in the Workplace

Question

I see a lot of articles on women empowerment, diversity, gender bias and such. I read a lot of articles saying the same things in the same tones. I  am doing a speech on these types of topics, but I want it more gritty. No sugar coating. What are the trials you went through to get ahead. What's your best advice. Specifics. What do you wish someone told you earlier so you could get ahead easier.  I want the hard truths, the real deal. I want to empower the every day woman with real situations and real answers. Lay it on me.

Elissa Unton · Answer

The hard truth is that you should feel valued and included from the very first conversation or interview.   If you don't feel this way, the team, hiring manager or 'culture' are unlikely to change to be inclusive later.

When people (not just women) blindly apply for and accept roles before they understand the team and people they will work with every day, they are gambling that everything will be wonderful.   And gambling isn't the best path to career success.

Anonymous · Answer

I hate to say this because I'm a feminist at heart, but when women don't support each other drives me insane.  We should build each other up, not tear each other down.  I have worked with women who have put on a face for leaders but when you try to work beside them, they show avoidance and yet expect you to be there when they need you.  I've been burned by this in the past.  I've learned to move forward on my own when I see this behavior happening.

Barb Hansen · Answer

One ugly story:

I am respected (and mostly admired) by my direct-reports (mostly male developers), co-workers and bosses (I've been doing what I do for a long time and I'm very good at it), but in my last job, the VP of marketing, another woman who was about my age, was terribly demeaning and dismissive of me.

She would interrupt me and finish my sentences when I was giving a product update. She talked to me like I was a junior direct report yet I was her peer - she was VP of Marketing and I was Senior Director of Product and Strategy and we both reported to the CEO.  She refused any technical help or education that I offered to her or her team to help them learn the product that I was building. Her response was always 'my girls can figure it out' (and yes, she called the woman on her team 'girls')

I tried to talk it out with her and when she wasn't talking to me about work, she was lovely to me. One on one, she was great, which was a bit of a mind F.

I finally figured out what the issue was with her: She looked at me as a peer (because we were) AND she looked at me as a technology and experience peer (we were not).  We are the same age and interestingly enough we have the same undergrad degree (laboratory science), but that is where are paths stopped being similar.  I had spent more than 20 years in the development and product trenches in startup, and I have the technological chops to prove it.  She assumed that our age and our educational background made us the same  and she discounted my experience (if I am leading the development team, then what I do must be something that she could do)

Once i figured out how she was viewing me, I created my tactics to work with her inability to see me as a technical leader.  I wanted to just shake her and tell her that we are not the same, on a technical scale of 1 to 100, she is a 10 and I am a 90.   Instead, I figured out how to work with her.  I gave her the tools to do her own product release and training meetings with her team (she loved that - she really wanted to appear 'more technical' to her team ), and I asked her to stop interrupting me in the executive meetings (which she really did try) and when she did interrupt, I stopped taking it personally.

Side note: She is the wife of the CEO so I had to tread carefully. If she was not the wife of the CEO or she had been a man, I would have just shut down her actions sooner.

Orlagh Costello · Answer

I spent my early career trying my hardest to pretend I was male or at the very least sexless. It didn't work. (I'm not trans, but I am an engineer, which some people tried to persuade me was the same thing....) I wore the same white shirt and black trousers to work daily. I didn't allow any of my personality to shine through other than I liked a drink. I didn't ever complain no matter what was done to me (harrassment, assault, etc) I was wrong.

Now I am myself and I am clear on my boundaries, things are a lot easier. Just because I'm a female engineer, doesn't mean I have to put up with abuse. I can say no, I have value, I am a worthwhile asset to whatever organisation I choose to join. (Of course it's a damn sight easier to do that with 17yrs under my belt that it was at 2 yrs under my belt!) But looking back, I should never have accepted the norms I did when I was younger. I won't go into further detail here, but if you want to know more, let me know.

Crystal Rhineberger · Answer

In the work field I had to act as though I was a sexless person, no male, no female, just a very confident worker. I never show alot of emotion except for the sales client excitement relationship.
Because of this grim determination to stay neutral I have been able to be respected in my career.  But because of this I get compared to A man and their behaviours. I have people who say well you never have a thing to worry about (meaning Im cold and crass), the co-workers that I do bond with as a woman usually end up being very long friendships if not for life.

Lucinda Jackson · Answer

Suggest taking a look at my new book: Just a Girl: Growing Up Female and Ambitious. Lots of gritty and up front stories in there I give you permission to use! www.lucindajackson.com

The Hard Truths About Women in the Workplace

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