© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.
Is it 1900 or 2019?
Hi Everyone,
So I have been at my job for a little over a year now and my boss I have always felt was a bit on the sexist side. He tends to view that women are not as equal as men so he can be dismissive of me at times. For example he will tell me I can't have something without checking with his boss when anyone else in our division would get an approval for the same item without issue. Now I can hold my own most days when it was just the two of us, but this week we added another male to our team who has made a few comments like, "I took the trash out for you." and "How do you assist us with this job?". I had to explain to him nicely that we have the exact same position and that we would be working together as equals. It doesn't help that I discovered that he makes more than me even after I just recently got a 7.5% raise. He also creeps me out some (have you ever just had someone give you the whillies).
My question is, how do I thrive in this environment? I know I am good at my job. No, I know I kick a** at may job. I don't worry about my skills, but I don't want to deal with with someone else feeding into this sexism while I have to help train them and know they make more money than me.
Sorry if I am rambling!
Crystal Rhineberger
professional rofl nevermind lets just wing it
2.29k
10/29/19 at 10:58PM UTC
Boy its funny this topic comes up, my bff and I were just talking about the “skirt” mentality. We are a little unsure of how to navigate this issue as well.
I have an iron hide and a very male get the job done attitude so I can usually shut the project down fast. But there’s been a few times I wasn’t able too.
Barb HansenStartup Product, Growth & Strategy
6.67k
10/29/19 at 5:16PM UTC
I think the comments above are spot on.
While you are looking for a new job, or building a case at your current job, you don't have to take anyone's crappy comments about you and your work.
I have been in similar situations early in my career (+20 years in development in startup has put me in the midst of bro-culture) and even now in non-career situations, and I learned to pleasantly (and sometimes not pleasantly) clap-back.
If someone said to me, "I took out the garage for you", my response would be "Thank you, but that's not my job, you took the garage out for all of us. Keep up the great work!"
If someone said to me, "How do you assist us with this job?" my response would be "I don't assist you, we work as a team and these are my contributions (insert contributions). What do you do to contribute to the team? "
If you can, don't put up with those comments. Although those comments may not be being said to diminish you, they are diminishing you and standing up to them could make you feel like you have some power in this situation.
Anonymous
10/29/19 at 2:26PM UTC
I worked in an environment like that for 2 years, and there's no changing it IMO. Take your skills and go somewhere else where you will be respected.
LEANNE TOBIASInvestment real estate/sustainability
4.1k
10/26/19 at 6:43AM UTC
Hard to believe that something so blatant is still taking place. I’m sorry that you are experiencing this.
Question: does your firm have a policy on gender equality that you can use to improve your salary? Can you enlist the help of senior leadership (like the CEO?) In other words, is the problem just your manager, or does your company discriminate against women more broadly? (If discrimination is widespread, do the women at your company collectively want to launch a broad legal challenge? If so, engage a reputable employment lawyer for the group. It might be easier to challenge the company if numerous women band together.)
If you do want to consider raising an equal pay issue for yourself only, you will have to develop data demonstrating that you contribute as much or more than your colleague. But that might not be sufficient if your colleague has desirable credentials that you lack, or longer tenure in your industry. This obviously gets tricky.
If you are acting alone, be aware that if your pay disparity cannot be resolved on a friendly basis, you might have to leave this company in any case. Best to try to keep things friendly, if possible.
With respect to a solo case: Before moving forward with any action at your company, you might want to speak with an employment attorney to assess the strength of your case. In addition, it is possible that you will be taken more seriously if you are represented by an attorney. On the other hand, involving an attorney is unlikely to endear you to your boss or company leadership, so be sure that you want to take this route before engaging.
Your best bet in the long run might be to consider moving to another company, if it turns out that gender discrimination is deeply rooted at your current place of employment and you cannot persuade other women to join you in trying to improve things, with or without a lawyer.
Jessica Callahan SteeleTalent Acq Specialist.
90
10/30/19 at 4:21PM UTC (Edited)
I have an interview tomorrow which will be the last step in the process for me. I told me boss that we have a strong bro-culture and he asked if he was guilty of it and I told him that he is and that when I have brought issues to him he hasn't done anything about it. All he said is that he will try and do better, but I know that he won't. There is a manager here who had a full swearing tantrum in front of our female VP of HR and it was never addressed. This same manager has bitten my head off multiple times and has even broken phones from slamming them down, yet he is still here. It can be upsetting.
Ruzana GlaeserCo-founder of brightmeetsbrave.com
950
10/25/19 at 4:11PM UTC
To answer your question head on - you can't thrive in that job environment. Your peer will not stop that kind of behavior as long as your boss endorses it and considering your boss is showing some serious bias, you are not going to change it.
There is a difference between being clueless and being biased, and it sounds like you are interacting with bias. There is nothing you can do about bias, as it's completely on the other person, you can't make them change. You do, however, have control over where you work and what you consider acceptable.
My advice - cut your losses, and start actively looking for a company with accepting and diverse culture. You don't have enough evidence for a lawyer to do anything, unless it's just to ask on your behalf for a package to leave due to discrimination and toxic environment.
If you are a kick-ass employee, take your skills to a place where they will be appreciated and valued at what they are worth! Good luck.
Rose Holland
935
10/25/19 at 11:25AM UTC
Is there a way you can change departments? How would your boss or HR react if you discussed the behavior as a group? Would others on your team be willing to discuss this? Have you or anyone gone over your boss's head to discuss his behavior rather than HR? HR might not understand how severe this behavior is.
Jessica Callahan SteeleTalent Acq Specialist.
90
10/25/19 at 4:30PM UTC
I'm technically in HR because I'm in recruiting. :(
Anonymous
10/24/19 at 11:18PM UTC
Since you know that he earns more than you for literally the same job, if you take a peek at his LinkedIn and his history is similar to yours you have a lawsuit on your hands with solid evidence, if you want to. It's worth a chat with a lawyer as that sounds like clear-cut case law of discrimination.
Jessica Callahan SteeleTalent Acq Specialist.
90
10/25/19 at 4:29PM UTC
It looks like he has more experience as a whole but when I speak to him it's like he doesn't know the recruiting industry at all. I'm teaching him how to do the basics and what the key things to look for.
Stephanie KoehlerData loving storyteller
291
10/24/19 at 10:32PM UTC (Edited)
I dug around and I like this article: https://www.careercontessa.com/advice/women-sexism-in-the-workplace/
Key messages:
- Call out a double standard. When your boss subjects you to undue scrutiny or standards, ask him why. Make him give you a reason and a path to fair treatment.
- Find allies. This is the most important. Start conversations about the workplace environment. Find people who can see what's happening. Let them be sounding boards and gut checks for inappropriate behavior. Polite silence is sexism's BFF.
- Bring it up directly with your boss. Say, "this coworker says X and Y statements. I am uncomfortable with their behavior. What is your strategy to create workplace free of distraction from sexist employees?"
These can be seen as ballsy and the choice of staying or standing your ground is yours. I encourage you to take your bad a** skills and apply them here—in speaking up and advocating for yourself and your success.
Khala GraceA writer for E Global Publishings
84
10/24/19 at 10:02PM UTC
I agree, it's a shame people can't understand that were all human- we're all equal. I personally have to deal with a passive aggressive boss; which is annoying. I also don't understand why people can't appreciate workers with a sense of initiative. Best of luck .
Anonymous
10/24/19 at 9:24PM UTC
Yikes - that's not an ideal situation for sure. Unfortunately, I've found with with some people - they just don't want to change and I'd probably switch jobs if that's the case. Easier said than done but I'm not sure you'll truly be appreciated for all you have to offer at this current job.
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