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How soon is too soon to combine finances with your partner?
My boyfriend and I have been living together for about 3 years and we are getting to the point where we split pretty much everything evenly. He brought up the option of combining our finances completely, but i'm not sure if this is a smart move before marriage?
I found this article that was super helpful. It covers different scenarios (right now we are doing the “I Got You Next Time” approach lol) https://havenlife.com/blog/combining-finances-with-your-partner/
But I was wondering if anyone had advice/insight into merging finances before marriage?
Thanks!
17 Comments
Katelyn KuehlAlways working to make things better!
515
10/25/19 at 5:40PM UTC
My, now husband, and I had the conversation about money when we were living together as we also split the bills. Not everyone wants to get married so they just combine them when they are fully committed partners. I think you have to do it when you feel comfortable. Some people, even with marriage, are not combined. It is just what is best for you two.
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1 Reply
Kelsey S
26
10/25/19 at 6:44PM UTC
Thanks so much!
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Nancie ShumanHippy dippy Princess out to change the world!
531
10/25/19 at 5:52PM UTC
One piece of advice: keep your own credit cards and bank account. Have a joint account where each of you transfers a set amount of money every month, and have it on auto bill pay so that no one has direct access on a regular basis. Reconcile the hell out of it every month, and make a date every quarter to go over what is working and what isn't, and any adjustments which need to be made, both in contribution and in output. Also, be very clear what is and isn't the household responsibility as opposed to personal. Some things get fuzzy, fast.
As for the question of when? When it makes sense.
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Kelsey S
26
10/25/19 at 6:45PM UTC
I like the idea of keeping most things separate and then having a joint account. Thanks for the advice!
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KelseyannbCommunications-oriented professional.
52
10/29/19 at 6:32PM UTC
I really love this idea. As someone who was married very young to a financially irresponsible person, I never recommend full combining of finances. But partial combination, sharing goals, splitting bills, that kind of thing makes a lot of sense and can go a long way to building a life together. But I think it's always prudent to keep some things in your own name that your partner has no access to. I also love the idea to check in frequently on what's working and what's not.
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Anonymous
10/25/19 at 6:17PM UTC
married 12 years and we still keep separate accounts. we have one joint account for joint expenses. both of us went through divorces. both of us know better than to combine finances. just don't do it.
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Anonymous
10/26/19 at 6:12PM UTC
Same!
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Anonymous
10/25/19 at 6:33PM UTC
Agreed - money is a tough issue for some people so I think a lot of conversations should be had about it - and honestly, make them fun. Hubby and I have money dates because that's the only way I can talk about finances without panicking.
We have a shared checking and shared savings account - we use Simple banking so we can set goals (long and short term), and then whatever money we have leftover we keep in our personal accounts for whatever it is - our hobbies, etc. Communication is key. As long as you have that - you'll be okay!
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Kelsey S
26
10/25/19 at 6:43PM UTC
Love the money date idea!
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Alejandra Meréz
14
10/25/19 at 8:16PM UTC
We have our own personal checking and savings but we also have a joint account to which we contribute to monthly in equal amounts where all the house bills come out off and where we save for such things as vacations and family outings.
I like that we have separate so that when I buy them a gift, it’s from my money.
Hope that helps some.
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LEANNE TOBIASInvestment real estate/sustainability
2.7k
10/26/19 at 6:49AM UTC
Whew... why would you combine finances without being married? I do not see any advantage to you in doing this, unless you have a written agreement relating to the separation of expenses and the division of assets should you separate.
In addition, depending on the law in your state, long-term cohabitation could allow a partner to claim common law marriage. Combining finances would only strengthen such a claim.
As this suggests, I would not combine finances before marriage without a written agreement. I don’t see the upside to you.
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Trisha Malcolm Brand strategist
12
10/26/19 at 11AM UTC
I had my own separate banking etc. after being together for 6 years (both married and unmarried) I joined finances. I was the worker and me husband was the stay at home father.
In a nutshell, I’m still recovering financially from the damage he did 15 years later. His recklessness and dishonesty ruined our relationship. And the divorce was expensive too.
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Anonymous
10/27/19 at 2:14AM UTC
You should not combine anything until you are married. That's the whole purpose of becoming one.
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SophieG
157
10/27/19 at 4:54PM UTC
As a divorcee and remarried woman I would say always keep an account even if you have a joint one for bills. My parents were together for 45 years until my mothers death but mum always had a bank account of her own.
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[email protected]Marketing & Design Specialist
12
10/28/19 at 7PM UTC
Keep splitting the bills! Keep your own account and there won't be any disagreements in the future.
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Liz BuiGoal Oriented Go-Getter
148
10/29/19 at 5:21PM UTC
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years and we just cover each other's expenses. I will pay for one thing then he does the next, we don't actually split anything anymore. I would say hold off on putting your finances together until you are legally married to him, just for your own financial safety.
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Alice JohnsonComputer nerd-ish, travel lover, connector
614
11/01/19 at 8:47PM UTC
Same!! My partner and I, when we got engaged we figured it would be easier to just combine our finances, but I honestly didnt feel 100% comfortable with it. I trust him, but I've been handling my own money without anyone else looking over my shoulder for so long. I felt a little weird about giving that up. SO we came up with the idea of both of us keeping our separate accounts, but opening both a joint savings and checkings account. That way we still have our separate things, but also make it easy on ourselves for when we split the cost of something (which is very often). We also tested the whole thing by having a joint credit card first. (He was the real owner, but added me as an authorized user so I got my own card). We did this for about a year and a half and I felt like this built a foundation of trust for the both of us as far as financials go. We were able to see each other's spending habits and learn how to make joint financial decisions all before the bigger step of actually joining our cash. I think it was a good baby step for us.
I also want to let you know that DO WHATEVER YOU FEEL IS RIGHT FOR YOU. There is no wrong or right time to join finances. Absolutely ONLY do it when the both of you are ready. My fiance and I had this conversation for over a year before we both felt right about it.
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