question for career changers

SEPTEMBER 30TH, 2023 DEAR ABBY: I applied to be a supervisor at the company where I work. Unfortunately, I didn't get the job. One of my co-workers, who held the same position I did (though with significantly fewer years of experience at the company), was given the job instead. Initially, I tried to shrug it off and continued working as usual. Unfortunately, I find I am no longer able to do that. Since this co-worker is now my boss, I sometimes receive dictation/instruction from them, which makes me uncomfortable. I have begun to feel jealous -- I'll acknowledge that. I have worked here for 10 years now, and the fact that I haven't been able to move into a higher position has weighed me down. For financial reasons, I can't resign. Somehow, I have to make this new reality work. How do I rid myself of these feelings of jealousy and learn to proceed with my new boss? -- STUCK AT WORK IN THE WEST DEAR STUCK: One way to do that would be to remind yourself regularly why you are there. Bottom line: You need the money. Life isn't always fair, so try harder to accept it. While you are doing that, it couldn't hurt to look around to see if any other companies are posting job openings. If you find any, make time for an interview, and -- if you are hired -- give your notice.

I work for a large organization with various departments and divisions. I often speak Spanish and translate documents to accomodate our customers needs. I am happy to be able to do this. I am not compensated for this. There are employees in other positions that are. How can I bring this up? Should I? Has anyone ever asked and been denied? If I do ask will more be expected of me? How much should I ask for? I just want to hear about others experiences. My prior employer paid a 5% bonus on top of your base salary which was great.

How and what forums—ex Glassdoor, Reddit, Fishbowl, LinkedIn

A lot has been written about having a narcissistic boss. What if you actually have a narcissist in your team who has passive-aggressive tendencies and is slowly destroying your team? I have four direct reports who are all team leads. About two years ago my boss recommended I hire someone who has worked for him in the past for one of the team lead positions. The resume was good, he interviewed well and I hired him. The first six months were great, he invested in the team and the results have improved. However, soon I started noticing that he does not get along with his peers, is very self-promoting and every time something is not good with his team somehow it is never his fault, he thinks he did the best he could despite somebody else not giving information or making the process complex, etc. He also is pretty good at outside networking and making grandiose gestures to other departments and being very vocal about them, including copying my boss on his "achievements". The problem is that it has become somewhat excessive and also not related to his main work. In the last mid-year performance review I pointed some things he needed to improve while recognizing the help he has given others outside the department. I also pointed out that he needs to work on his communication with his peers. It all fell on deaf ears. He stated that he clearly exceeded expectations, blamed others for the shortcomings, described communication issues as minor, etc. When I discussed this with my boss, I didn't get a lot of support as apparently they are buddies from the previous place and it all became somehow my fault. I realize that I need to start documenting everything to show a pattern, but it has become exhausting. I started to wonder, is this even a battle I can win? Should I quit?

This is a touchy subject but I'd like to get your thoughts. I work for a very liberal tech company that I applaud for being gender inclusive. In our offices, we have three sets of bathrooms: Men, women and unisex. Someone raised a concern recently about potentially males using the women's bathroom. Transgender identification is very fluid and on a spectrum in the US, and like most things with sexuality, very difficult to definitively define. The woman was triggered by a person who was outwardly identifying as a male in the women's bathroom. While I appreciate being inclusive, I also appreciate the challenges that can arise for women who have been victims of sexual abuse, domestic violence or other trauma at the hands of men. To suddenly see men in the most intimate space such as a bathroom can be very harmful. Want to get your thoughts on how the company could address this. Or can they address it all given the complexities and sensitivities on all sides?

I'm looking forward to learning from you ladies, engaging, and hopefully building meaningful connections.