toxic friendship advice needed

Question

so I have this friend who I've known  for a year and everything was good at first. she was really nice and then she moved to my city. I helped her find a place to stay and got her a job . we started arguing frequently and we agreed to talk about each others feelings in times like that and I always opened up when I felt something was wrong and she would just say she docent feel that way and change the subject but whenever we argued she will make me seem like I blamed her and that I was a horrible person even though it wasn't. she always ignores me for her online friends(who don't like me) and can never make time for me or text me. she always makes excuses to why she doesn't show she loves me when I always show her that I care.  I realize that this friendship is very toxic even other people have told me that it is toxic but its hard to leave because I love her a lo9t and I just cant bring myself to say it and I know that if I tell her these things she will just attack me and not care if I leave.

Carrie Topolski · Answer

If you know that she will attack you and not care and leave then you need to take on the hurt of how she is and get away.  You are better than that and nobody deserves to be treated that way.   If she is not willing to talk to you about any of this and continues to avoid you then I think the best thing to do is remove her from your daily routine and life.  That includes removing her from social media.  My son went through a very toxic relationship and the only way we could get him away from it was to get him away from the person and remove them   from social media.  Yes, it's hard and it hurts but find something else to do with your time so you are occupied and not thinking about this person.  You also need to realize you're  important and you don't need someone like this bringing you down.  There is something better out there for you and this is just a lesson learned on what you don't want for a friend.  Wishing you the best of luck.  You deserve better.

Natasha Nurse · Answer

The key with dealing with toxic people and relationships is to: 1) identify that you are dealing with it 
2) decide if you want that in your life and 
3) deciding what is the best plan of action.

Some people aren't comfortable kicking the person fully out of their life. If that is the case, you would want to reduce the time spent with the person and setting up BOUNDARIES for how that person can speak with you.

If you are okay with cutting the person out of your life, then do it IMMEDIATELY and let room for positivity people and opportunities to come your way. If you want to discuss in greater detail - set up a time to chat at www.dressingroom8.com

Anonymous · Answer

You don't  have to break up - just walk.  If she reaches out you remain kind and your true self, but keep her at a safe distance.  I've had friends come and go through  the years.  However, I also have friends who have been in my life for years.  The difference has been a natural development  of respect and understanding that never requires any work.  Just being present and having each others back unconditionally.  You may only  find that in a few people, but quality trumps quantity.  If you ate something that made you feel sick each time, you would stop.  The pain and hurt that you feel by having this person in your life is toxic and making you emotionally sick - so you need to stop.  As time passes, the need to understand will fade because you will feel better and have moved on.

Anonymous · Answer

That's so hard. People like that are good at making you need them, and bad at giving you what you need.  Usually the best thing to do is to let them go. You can be friends with a person like that only to a certain extent - if you can keep them emotionally at a distance and accept that they simply can't reciprocate what you give -- go out for coffee sometimes but keep things light, keep your feelings guarded. It sounds like this wouldn't really work for you - and it's very painful to have someone like that almost-but-not-quite in your life.

If you can, I'd strongly suggest having a counselor talk you through this. You need someone to help you keep your perspective and not get caught up in this person's manipulation, and to help you set boundaries so this pattern doesn't repeat.  If you can't afford the time/money for an in-person therapist, there are some online services that might work for you.

I'm really sorry you're going through this!

Anonymous · Answer

I agree is Isaviel. Sometime you have to break-up with a friend. It's hard but any relationship should make you happy, not stress you out or make you feel bad. Good luck!

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