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Anonymous
10/25/20 at 7:08PM UTC
in
Diversity & Inclusion

Finally insisting on being included

I took a new job ten months ago with a team that I had worked with previously, and knew the expectations of the role quite well. Since joining, I've been given several commendations for my work performance. One of the few downsides is that I'm on my fourth manager in ten months, but performance-wise, it's been going great! There's really only one aspect of my new role that hasn't been going so well: My 'team lead' has been absolutely atrocious when it comes to being inclusive. When I was brought on board, I was introduced as 'new girl' to several important stakeholders rather than by my name and role (I'm a professional, and haven't been referred to as 'girl' in several years in a formal setting). While trying to learn the latest processes and procedures, it was incredibly difficult to get the team lead to tell me anything about the processes and systems used. Around the 6-month mark I found myself being on a call where a someone in the C-suite was thanking our team for recently completing a project - that was the first time I learned about our 'team project'. I tried several methods to solve the issues I was facing on my own, especially since we had changed managers three times over 8 months. My previous attempts to reconcile the situation included informal chats, team conversations, and direct confrontation about the communication issues we had been having . . . Unfortunately, I exhausted all the tools in my book with no resolution. Ten months in, after finding myself in several similar situations and constantly being talked over, interrupted, or flat-out ignored, I decided to take action. I finally realized I needed extra help from my (very new) manager and reached out to them. . . and I'm so glad I did! While meeting with my new manager, I tried to phrase the situation as professionally as possible (even though I'm completely fed up with my team lead at this point) and focused on the fact that my team lead was not being inclusive, and that we were not performing at our best because of the situation. I gave several examples of situations that had occurred along with approximate dates. Luckily, my new manager has observed some of the same problem behaviors and agreed that it's time to step in based on the fact that I've tried problem-solving on my own several times and am still not being included. While we are still in the beginning of implementing a new inclusion strategy for my team, I'm positive that things will only get better from here. I sincerely hope that anyone else out there who is struggling to be included can read my story find some helpful hints of how to deal with a similar situation. If you're facing an inclusion problem and need help, keep records and try to problem-solve, but most importantly - speak up! There are wonderful people out there who can help ensure you are given a seat at the table where you belong. Has anyone else successfully (or unsuccessfully) navigated through a similar situation? I would love to hear more tools and techniques I can potentially use while I work to develop a relationship with my new manager and work through issues with my team lead.

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Jessica Clark
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Licensed Clinical Social Worker
10/30/20 at 2:38AM UTC
Let me just say I think you handled that situation wonderfully! It is hard to speak up as there is often a concern that it will be perceived as “complaining”. Speaking up is not complaining by any means and usually by the time someone speaks up they have already tried to address the situation as you did. I had a similar situation with a colleague (they used to consult with other team members and then give me a directive like it was a done deal when I am supposed to be part of the decision making process and they were not my boss to give me directives) who have still have an ongoing working relationship with and it has taken some time to get to the cohesive place we are now. Initially felt I couldn’t reach my colleague when I tried to resolve the issue in my own and I had to go to my supervisor about my colleagues behavior . When I spoke up I was supported by my supervisor and they intervened. My colleague even came to me and asked how to work together moving forward after my supervisor’s intervention. Speaking up definitely helped in the inclusion process and improved that relationship with that co-worker. Even so, I still have to sometimes reassert boundaries and work relationship expectations to maintain that cohesive work relationship with that colleague. I have also learned just as importantly to address the concerns early on. Often we get into the mindset of “not wanting to make a scene” or “ don’t be that uptight new girl” and that holds us back from confronting the situation early on. I would say to confront the concerns ASAP, speak up if your attempts don’t achieve the desired results, and I had an amazing supervisor tell me once “you have to teach people how to treat you”. When I remember to “ teach” others how to treat me ....I feel way more empowered to take action. Hope things continue to improve for you with your team lead!
Anonymous
10/25/20 at 11:16PM UTC
Really glad to hear you are speaking out. That is crucial. You will be the face of change for others in your company and that is where things begin to shift. Being in a similar position and seeing positive change, I am much more aware of it happening and now support others in speaking up for themselves. Be the leader you wish you had.
Chloe Nguyen
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96
10/25/20 at 11:14PM UTC
I am so glad you spoke up! Hearing your story is one of the reasons I'm constantly reminding myself to speak up louder and more often. I've often regretted not speaking up soon enough! Your new manager seems supportive, which is wonderful. It sounds like you've been trying on your own to make things better for a while, which sucks. It is so much better and easier to take on these team-wide or organization-wide changes with help from above. (Easier said than done, I know!) But for anyone else reading this maybe in a different-but-similar situation, I think some of us have a mentality that we have to face these challenges alone. We don't!! Raising a red flag or asking for help is not a sign of weakness at all. I had a very big years-long issue at work, myself; it wasn't until I was able to articulate to my manager how the problem was affecting the business and how this could negatively affect him and us that he listened more. I had to change my communication from things like "I was not informed of this change" to "a stakeholder asked me about this change and I was unprepared to answer, potentially giving him wrong information. This would lead him to take a different action by mistake, and it would come back to me and make us all look bad. So we can either loop me in or have (person hoarding information) be the main point of contact." Your details will be different, but you have to really understand what pains your manager, and show how the problem you're having creates this pain.
Anonymous
10/27/20 at 1:21PM UTC
Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply! I'm really glad to have some support on this situation at FGB since I'm really not comfortable speaking to my coworkers about what's going on. This platform is wonderful!
Anonymous
10/25/20 at 7:29PM UTC
I have been successful (bully director gone, manager starting to perform as ally) and not (bias remains). My management (up three levels) is still mostly in denial of the toxic work culture, not for lack of examples, which aren't "evidence" in their book anyhow. So far I've been addressing all this privately or subtly ("I'll finish what I was saying now..."), but I am so sick of it after these YEARS that I might start calling out every single instance publicly: "[Toxic co-worker], you have just referred to a generic customer over ten times as 'he' and now for inclusiveness, we need to hear 'she' ten times or so. Would you like to do that, or shall I?"

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