How to deal with a social climbing and vindictive boss?

Question

My boss is a social climber.  He has no problem throwing colleagues and subordinates under the bus to make himself look better.  This boss gives preferential treatment to one subordinate who is well connected with the power players and people in the upper echelon of the community in which we live. He is dismissive of the remainder of his subordinates, and does not appear to value their contributions to the team.  I am the subordinate  receiving preferential treatment, and see how unfairly my boss treats everyone else. It makes me sick because I know I am getting better treatment based on who I know, not my performance at work. One of my colleagues requested a conference with the supervisor and his boss to discuss his concerns, and now that colleague is no longer working at the company. The boss brags publicly about  firing the former colleague.

Miranda Opiela · Answer

That's a tough situation to be in but it speaks volumes that you recognize that it is wrong.  I have two thoughts around this and hopefully they help:

1) What goes around comes around. You recognize how wrong that behavior is and I'll bet you anything that other people have noticed as well. You are only in control of you but you can influence those around you. Keep your head held high and follow the values that are important to you. Don't worry about your boss.  It will catch up with him.

2) If you love what you do and want to stay at your current employer despite everything that is going on with your boss; find a way to raise your co-workers in the eyes of their superiors and team mates.  Sure it's not your job to support them but if the environment is that toxic and you choose to stay -- team up with top performers and help them get recognized.  Not only will you be seen as a collaborator and team player ... but others will no longer see you as part of the problem.

Last resort: Look for other employment. If you're not happy it's not worth it.  Happiness is also measured by employer alignment with your core values.

Hope that helps!

Marina Sideli · Answer

So sorry to hear this is happening to you...there is an actual theory for this behavior. It's called leader member exchange theory (LMX). The idea is that leaders create 'in' and 'out' groups.

It's hard to fix, but the fact that you have noticed that this is a pattern means that you might be able to find a constructive way to improve this behavior or perhaps you will come to find that this culture is not a fit for you. It's definitely a tricky situation and I've had a friend go through the same thing, one thing she did was try and talk up those that were in the 'out' group to her boss since she was in the 'in' group and knew that her boss might be more likely to listen to her.

Perhaps you can begin by writing down when instances happen that show that it is clearly an 'in' group, 'out' group situation and not actually that they are performing less or do not fit in with the culture. It might be helpful to distinguish and make sure it's in fact a favoritism thing and not something else before you bring it up.

Hopefully this is somewhat helpful, maybe you can read scholarly articles about the theory and see if you find any possible solutions or tips!

Tarah Keech · Answer

Such great advice above! The only other thing I hope you know is that you are not responsible for any  of your coworkers' feelings. You are responsible for how you behave, the choices you make and how you ultimately feel. 
Promoting a spirit of inclusion, transparency and collaboration is not easy but will help you stand out to your colleagues, your employees and all of your stakeholders (including those higher up than your boss). 
Sending you good vibes for a more peaceful environment soon!

Simply Curious · Answer

This sounds too familiar. I had a social climber boss. He took ownership of my ideas and blamed me for his mistakes and efficiencies.  I don't understand why he thought it was okay to act this way. Luckily, the company I was at took annual reviews really seriously. Your boss reviews you but you also review your boss + team.

This social climber had a large team and I think together, we all had a little something to say. And whatever you said on the review would be said to his face by the reviewer. I'm not a fan of throwing someone under the bus. I was honest with him verbally about room for improvements and I think the rest of my team was as well.

While I don't think this is always the way to handle things, this was the best outlet his team to give constructive criticism and be honest with the company about our manager.  He left the company 3 months later and the team culture and morale did a 180. I truly hope he learned how to treat a team moving forward.

Sorry to hear you're going through this! Hope everything works out.

Anonymous · Answer

Kudos to you for recognizing how poorly your manager is behaving.

I don’t think that it is easy to change people with this pattern.   My suggestions would be:
-Treat everyone kindly and professionally.  Perhaps your boss will model her/himself on you.
-Befriend people in the “out” group, if you so choose.  That might help to create a more inclusive setting.
-If there is a legitimate reason to do so, praise the work of “out” group members to your manager.
-In all honesty, I would recommend transferring to another group in your company or finding another job.  Your manager sounds like a source of great stress.

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