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Back on the single scene....yaaaay (heavy sigh)
Hi everyone - I'm 40+, have never been married and have no kids, so I'm not only a unicorn, I'm a bit behind on how to be a successful dater. Have you had success with dating OUTSIDE of the usual apps, or if you've found an app you like/trust? Can't wait to hear!
Robyn Wick
HiEd Professional/PT Fitness Inst
736
11/18/19 at 3:04PM UTC
So, I became single at 40 after 13 years of marriage. The two best relationships I've had since - and truly best dating experiences overall - have come from Bumble. Since the women hold the cards, at least at the beginning, I've found that men on there seem to be more secure with themselves...and no un-solicited pics, if you catch my drift.
Anonymous
11/18/19 at 3:58PM UTC
Thank you for this - I haven't been on Bumble in a couple years. Glad to hear that it's improved. I can't handle one more "DTF" text from creeps.
And an FYI, I joined Plenty of Fish the other night, and their site jammed my inbox in a matter of minutes. 50+ responses from men who were the wrong age, wrong location, wrong everything. Hopefully I get my $ back.
Robyn WickHiEd Professional/PT Fitness Inst
736
11/18/19 at 4:14PM UTC
Oh yeah, PoF is a cesspool. :) I have friends who have met their significant others on Tinder, so I guess it is somewhat a matter of trial and error and just hanging in there. Some of it could be specific to region, etc. Who knows? In any case, good luck. It takes a lot of guts to put ourselves back out there.
Anonymous
11/18/19 at 4:20PM UTC
Totally agree and I wish you the best too!
Angeline JohnsonData science epidemiology statistics marketing
24
11/18/19 at 8:33AM UTC
I've done SO much dating. It feels like a 'duck duck goose' game. I truly miss Craigslist: and it was sex trafficing, not weirdos, and an Act of Congress that took it down. Sigh. I really miss the anonymity. I like NOT having to post a photo, and though it angered me that trolls would flag down any post I wrote in 45 minutes for the last, oh, near-decade of CL, I liked being able to read how men wrote their posts, presented themselves, and respond accordingly. I just turned 50, never married/no kids, decidedly feel like an outcast a lot. I do lots on my own, it's good for me to live alone right now, but companionship/sexual expression are suffering, here. Good to hear of other's experiences. I'm avoiding Match, as I'm not impressed with their business model nor court settlement. I got turned off with hearing about endless quizzes. with Ok Cupid. I have a friend who has had some success with Plenty of Fish. I'm wondering about some of the specialty ones, like for classical music.
BansheeBaileyFormer law firm accountant, now retired.
918
11/21/19 at 4:21PM UTC
Yeah, and that was overkill. But that’s our Congress. The govt should have just locked up the people offering underage porn through CL and called it a day.
Dawn LeMay Bartlett
15
11/17/19 at 12:51PM UTC
Have a great time I married the love of my life at 41
BansheeBaileyFormer law firm accountant, now retired.
918
11/21/19 at 4:24PM UTC (Edited)
I married mine at 34, a few years after I had come to the realization that I was now able to support myself BY myself. Singleness wasn’t ideal for me, but it had its good points, not having to account to anyone else.
Put yourself out there.
Anonymous
11/17/19 at 8:27PM UTC (Edited)
I have to heal my heart & mind after a recent breakup, and I promise, I'll put myself out there. Or I'll just marry the UPS guy. He's punctual, always has rubber bands and shows up every day. LOL
BansheeBaileyFormer law firm accountant, now retired.
918
11/21/19 at 4:25PM UTC (Edited)
Those UPS guys are good-looking, too.
I can relate. A bad breakup would be more likely to make me want to throw up than jump back into the dating jungle again. Fwiw, you seem to be going about this in the smart way, taking care of yourself.
When I was a young lass, there was a period in my very early 20s where a bad breakup sent me into a regrettable frenzy of promiscuity. That is definitely NOT the way to prepare for a good future relationship!
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User deleted comment on 11/16/19 at 2:03PM UTC
Yaca AttwoodDatabase Administrator
323
11/16/19 at 1:57PM UTC
I met a great friend on OurTime, which is for folks over 50; I’ve been married twice, divorced and widowed. I wouldn’t be opposed to being married again, but it’s different on this end of life; you’re less willing to bend into a pretzel for someone else, and there are implications for retirement, Social Security and healthcare later in life, to be prosaic. A phenomenon among many older folks is to ‘be together separately’, to maintain one’s own household and life, but have a relationship with various degrees of intimacy.
BansheeBaileyFormer law firm accountant, now retired.
918
11/17/19 at 5:17PM UTC
Yes! I used to think I would remarry if I outlived my husband. Now, no way! I’m not messing up my Social Security benefits for anything! I’ll be living in sin, though honestly, if I’m not married I’d just as soon keep my own place. I need my privacy.
Anonymous
11/16/19 at 10:09PM UTC
I feel the same way! Not sure I could be with someone day in/out after being single for so long. A good friend of mine had that arrangement and it worked out really well for them. Thank you for your response!
Anonymous
11/15/19 at 5:57PM UTC
I've heard that match.com really connect people well- especially for individuals over 40. Seems that they have more people trying to forge connections than a quick date (which is what I hear about apps). Can't confirm either - since I've never used them. But it's what I've heard!
But also, there is something sacred about singleness and so many valuable things and perspective that you bring. Society kinda sh*ts on singleness - but really its an asset to have people who are doing life their own way.
Chianté RegailFreelance writer, scholar, historian
176
11/19/19 at 2:36PM UTC
I've heard match is good as well! Although, I've never tried it.
Anonymous
11/15/19 at 6:18PM UTC
I agree - my most recent relationship came from match.com. I've been single more than I've been in relationships, I got nervous that I was missing out on some things in life. Your kind words reminded me I can do life my own way.
BansheeBaileyFormer law firm accountant, now retired.
918
11/21/19 at 4:11PM UTC
I think there used to be something called “It’s Just Lunch.” That seems like a decent idea.
Crystal Rhinebergerprofessional rofl nevermind lets just wing it
2.29k
11/15/19 at 2:14AM UTC
Honestly after sometime I didnt know how to get back into the dating game. I was a lucky person of the craigslist personals and found my husband. The craigslist personals are now extinct
But if I was able to weed through the weirdos and get a good person, I have all the more faith in you sister.
I have had several close friends have great luck with eharmony
BansheeBaileyFormer law firm accountant, now retired.
918
11/17/19 at 5:13PM UTC
The “casual encounters” ads ranged from creepy to hilarious. It’s too bad that a relatively few bad actors ruined it for everyone else who were adults, had 420, could host, and were DTF with another adult.
Crystal Rhinebergerprofessional rofl nevermind lets just wing it
2.29k
11/17/19 at 5:50PM UTC
Rofl oh my yes some of them u just couldn’t help but raise your eyebrows over
And then some I called friends and read them to the friend just so we could laugh
Anonymous
11/14/19 at 7:11PM UTC
Have you heard of meetup.com? It is a site that coordinates events for singles in various cities. What's great is you'd be meeting up with a group vs. one person so much less pressure!
Anonymous
11/14/19 at 7:42PM UTC
Yes, I have - but I'm a bit of a chicken to have to walk into a place by myself. Then again, I walked into this world alone, so why not try it? Thank you!
BansheeBaileyFormer law firm accountant, now retired.
918
11/17/19 at 5:08PM UTC
If the groups weren’t welcoming to new people they wouldn’t be posting their events on Meetup, right? ?
I married before the age of apps, but Bumble sounds good. I believe it’s up to the woman to initiate contact with a likely-looking guy.
I would stay far away from anything that “enhanced” my profile with TOO much of my history. There is something to be said for getting to know someone gradually by spending lots of time together face-to-face.
Anonymous
11/17/19 at 8:24PM UTC
Thank u for your kind words as always, Banshee. At one point, most of the dating apps had good intentions. These days, few people want to wait for a relationship to evolve. My experience has been connection first, physical second, emotional a distant third. Hence the heavy sigh.
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Anonymous
11/17/19 at 4:20PM UTC
I have a friend going through a divorce at 55. Her first accomplishments were going places alone; out to eat, a movie, a drive out of town. I’ve been doing this for many years and she was envious. I think it’s the first step to being single is learning how to be alone first. Believe me, I’m single after a long relationship and miss a partner greatly but I also know that at my age I’ll have to be patient. I’ve tried all the dating sites and although there aren’t many men, there may be someone to at least practice dating. Good luck!
Anonymous
11/17/19 at 8:20PM UTC
I SO feel you on the "kissing a lot of frogs" phase. I like the practice idea as well. Thank you and hang in there!
Eva Vasquez
17
11/17/19 at 4:22PM UTC
I’m sorry I’m anonymous not sure what I did
Alice JohnsonComputer nerd-ish, travel lover, connector
649
11/14/19 at 4:50PM UTC
I've heard good things about Hinge & Bumble? Hinge sounds like you can add more personal things about yourself to your profile which lends itself to me more for people looking for more. Don't sigh! Embrace the single life! Its such a great time to work on yourself. Use this time to reflect on past relationships to go over what went wrong? I found this helped me mentally prepare for another relationship, helped me recognize red flags for the next time (instead of ignoring them), and honestly hate to admit but realize areas I could work on myself and what I did that was wrong. In fact, it wasnt until I learned to love my single self and was OK with being alone that I found my "person". Good luck! :)
Anonymous
11/14/19 at 5:12PM UTC
This is really inspiring, thank you! FYI, Hinge is a part of Facebook, so your profile is automatically enhanced b/c of the data you share in your posts. I've been single far longer than with a man, so I'll continue to work on myself and keep doing what I like to do, like travel, cooking and staying fit. Thanks again.
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