Am I overthinking possible sensory/anxiety disorder ?

Cris Abi

February 4,2020 at 6:44PM UTC

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Trying to keep it short. I am a first time mom. 2yr old daughter. Born premature with severely underdeveloped lungs. Asthma,sleep apnea, lots of food allergies bad GERD . Lots of hospitalizations. Pulmonary, Gastroenterologist, ENT, Neurologist. All of her developmental milestones met and exceeded. She speaks in complete sentences, spells her name, dresses herself, potty trained, etc. HOWEVER she cannot tolerate social interaction with friends, family, her father, other children and adults. As much time as she has spent at doctor's and hospitals she loses it Everytime. Because of her medical issues her father and I agreed that I would stay home with her until she became well enough for daycare and I could pick up with my career. So she has not spent a lot of time with children. I don't have any family here so all of her caregiving has been me. Her father refused to help since I am not working. He also didn't have the patience for all of the stress with her medical stuff, so he never bonded with her. We are no longer together because his expression of frustration became abusive. She is stronger with struggles that I believe would allow a partial daycare situation, so that I can work. She literally gets so worked up that she vomits, urinates, goes into an asthma attack when I try to get her to interact with anyone. Her pediatrician says it is normal. I just can't wrap my head around it being normal and I want to help her. Any thoughts? I don't know if I am asking the right questions and perhaps that is why I can't seem to get anywhere.

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IntentionGirl630054February 4,2020 at 9:48PM UTC
My daughter spent a lot of time in hospitals because of a scar tissue (multiple) bindings of her small intestine throughout High School and College. She was unable to eat more than very small amounts after the surgery that 'fixed' everything. Her body was literally trained to be afraid of eating by that point.
This is not something we, as parents, are trained to help with - these are the kinds of situations that require medical/psych attention. With the help of her therapist, and naming the fear to the therapist, who then helped her focus on how to move past the fear, she is now eating normally and thriving.
I would suggest that you get your daughter into therapy, though I'm sort of presuming that you already have. I would name the specific issue to be resolved and if the therapist cannot give you a good roadmap on how to proceed/work with him or her to help your daughter, you may need to find a different therapist -- you also have to have a therapist that your daughter will trust.
Also, You could use some therapy time yourself -- dealing with all of this is very stressful and having someone to listen and affirm the choices you are making or help you view critically, the choices you are making is really a help. This is a crisis time for both of you -- you both need support to move past this point. Your prior partner may not have 'bonded' with your child, but you both will still feel the effects of the 'abandonment' of his leave-taking, despite the general stress relief his departure provides.
Above all, take deep breaths and long walks as much as you can (child in stroller, even) to keep your balance. Good luck.
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Cris AbiFebruary 5,2020 at 1:38PM UTC
Thank you for your kind words. I am relieved to hear that your daughter overcame her condition. You were probably out of your mind with worry. I agree with you about seeing a therapist. I have asked her pediatrician for a referral for therapy consult and he declined advising me to take her to the park more (a daily activity she and I perform anyway) I am looking for a new pediatrician. I have no doubt that we are BOTH in a constant fight or flight state. We still don't eat or sleep properly. For her it is her apnea,GERD and sheer fear of her father coming home. For me, I think moms can't eat or sleep when their baby isn't successfully doing the same. We both have night terrors. I have an appointment with a new pediatrician today. I think she might be more open minded based on the reviews I read online. Relief or at least a path towards relief can't come soon enough ?
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Eraina FergusonFebruary 18,2020 at 9:27PM UTC
That’s so much for a child to deal with. As the mother of a special needs adult child, I recommend creating an easy and safe carefree environment until your child is ready to interact with the outside world. Time will tell a lot.❤️❤️
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