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Charmer
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51
Artist, assistant and office professional.
12/11/18 at 3:07PM UTC
in
Career

Dinner with your boss?

So my boss has invited me and a coworker to dinner and drinks next week. It's a nice gesture yes, but she's not exactly the friendly type. I'm sort of nervous about what kinds of conversations to have or ..not have. Is it in appropriate to have a drink? Should I get her a Christmas gift? Lol a little advice please!?

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Alyson Garrido, Career Coach
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447
Job Search and Career Advancement
12/19/18 at 10:53PM UTC
Follow your boss's lead by way of lunch norms around drinking, number of courses, etc. Stick to topics that you wouldn't mind sharing with a large group of strangers, or have written about you in the newspaper. Those tests will ensure you don't overshare. Also, do your best to stay away from work topics and certainly avoid sensitive or contentious work issues. This lunch is a social way to catch up and, if she's not so friendly, you can get to know her better to create more meaningful connections. You'll get more of a glimpse into her world and what she cares about.
Anonymous
12/11/18 at 3:46PM UTC
I am probably not the world's friendliest manager but I will sometimes take employees I want to get to know better out to a meal or a coffee. I realize that this may make some people nervous so I am usually straight up in the beginning about the fact that I have no particular agenda. Hopefully your manager is also very transparent -- I would let her take the lead socially, and personally, I think its probably overkill to bring a gift. I think a single drink is ok but never get drunk in a workplace setting!
Anonymous
12/11/18 at 3:32PM UTC
I agree with these folks, and I think outside of the office, she may be a bit friendlier! Maybe you can find some commonalities to bond over as well? Do you both like doing yoga? Did you go to the same college or belong to the same membership organizations? Those type of similarities can help break the ice!
Simply Curious
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1.1k
FGB'er for life.
12/11/18 at 3:26PM UTC
Having dinner with your boss is a great way to get out of the office atmosphere and mix some work conversations with some personal ones (but not too personal). I wouldn't overdue it with drinks but just go and have fun. Maybe you'll connect more than you thought you would!
Anonymous
12/11/18 at 3:18PM UTC
Hmm you don't have to drink unless you want to, and with that, I'd recommend sticking with one or two (and if she doesn't order a drink, I'd recommend not drinking too). As for a gift, totally not necessary unless that's the norm in your office. And for what to talk about, relax and see what she wants to discuss. If anything, ask her questions relating to how she got into the field you work in or about any hobbies or interests she has -- people love to talk about themselves!
Anonymous
12/12/18 at 6:55PM UTC
Agree that asking about the path that led them to your industry is never a bad place to start, as far as ice breakers go. This could be a great opportunity to get to know your boss better and build a better connection with them! Make sure you seem properly excited/flattered by the invite and you'll do just fine. No one wants to feel like their present company would rather be elsewhere (not saying you run the risk of that, just a good rule of thumb!).

You're invited.

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