how do i cope with a toxic sibling when I cant stop doing stuff for her.

Mystery Woman

Tell us more for better jobs, advice
and connections

Don’t miss out on new opportunities.

Update your profile

YOUR TOPICS

Your feed isn’t personalized yet. Follow topics like career advice, lifestyle or health.

YOUR GROUPS

Discover and join groups with like-minded women who share your interests, profession, and lifestyle.

COMPANIES YOU FOLLOW

Get alerted when there are new employee reviews.

YOUR JOB ALERTS

Get notified when new jobs are posted.

Your post is published!

Anonymous

12/23/20 at 2:20AM UTC

how do i cope with a toxic sibling when I cant stop doing stuff for her.

i live with her

6 Comments

Jessica Clark

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

12/23/20 at 2:30AM UTC

My suggestion would be to set a limit on what you are willing to do for her. You decide what the boundaries are that work for you with your sibling, what you are willing to do and what you are not. Then you have to be consistent with holding to the boundaries of what you are really not wanting to do despite some likely awkward discord and tension in the home. Set boundaries that you feel you can uphold and be consistent. Its not easy but consistency is key.

Maria Molinari

365

NSLS Executive Board leader/ QA Specialist

12/23/20 at 4:24AM UTC

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this! It is rough when you think you cannot say no but you most certainly can! People will take advantage of you so long as you let them, set boundaries, let them know where you stand and come to an understanding. I know this is easier said than done, but you got this!

Sheryl Brinkley

109

Ignite Your Shine-Own and Drive Your Destiny!

12/23/20 at 4:31AM UTC

I agree, setting boundaries are important. We don’t have much to go on with the statement “I can’t stop doing stuff for her.” Not sure how to address the dynamics of your situation with what’s been shared and there’s a lot that I know is unsaid. On the surface, I would say that we have a choice “to do or not” and with sibling dynamics, I’m not sure how you are being manipulated (over the course of a lifetime) and making a shift now to break the cycle will require a lot of courage; it is possible, and you can do it. I recommend seeking out a great Employee Assistance Provider (EAP on your job which may be covered in your Company benefits) Counselor/Family Therapist that you can work with confidentially to provide tools, help to unpack, and build you up with a supportive construct to make the changes that you are seeking. The long game would be to emerge with a healthy relationship with your Sister as adults that you can carry forward for the rest of your lives. Sending heartfelt blessings to you to achieve the goal that you are seeking with your relationship with her.

Anonymous

12/23/20 at 7:35AM UTC

It helps to start doing stuff for others who either deserve it more (true friends) or need it more (charity). That may help distract you from unnecessarily helping someone who doesn’t want or appreciate your help.

Crystal Rhineberger

2.06k

professional rofl nevermind lets just wing it

12/23/20 at 1:52PM UTC

Remember, this person can only affect you how you let it. I have a beautiful friendship with a lovely gal but she can be toxic so at times i sort of listen on auto pilot, i dont get involved directly with whats going on but do offer suuggestions (usually shot down), and when I have to spend time with her again not let her digs go very deep

Anonymous

12/24/20 at 3:59AM UTC

I'm hard pressed to understand why you don't have an identity, boundaries and a life of your own. Now if you're under the age of 18 I would understand that you don't know any better but if you're older then why is your life so tied to hers and why is your focus on your sister? If she's toxic then why haven't you found some distance? Weird that you want to do stuff for her.