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Being heard in a room full of men.
I'm a developer in a mid-size company. My manager and most of my colleagues are men. I have ideas and tend to be the most data-driven, but often times when I'm speaking in a meeting, I get interrupted or spoken over. It drives me crazy! When it happens, I might still have something to say, but I don't know how to get the floor back.
I don't think it's intentional and I've never felt that they mean to be disrespectful, but I also feel like it's time to speak up and let them know how this behavior affects me. Any helpful tips on how to respectfully let my male coworkers know this is a problem? Also, how do I regain control of the conversation when I am interrupted?
Nicole McKeon
Partner, solution finder, hockey mom, writer
123
05/09/19 at 3:56PM UTC
I went as far as starting to stand up when I spoke at one job- this way it let everyone know I had the floor and wasn't done until a sat down. I would mention that this was a job where I was dealing with a majority of women!
Blake
146
04/26/19 at 1:29PM UTC
I agree there is a physical perception too. How you dress, body language, and where you sit will make a difference. It is a power play until you can command their respect.
Leena PatelCEO of Sandbox2Boardroom, Innovation Expert
91
04/22/19 at 7:55PM UTC
Body language also sends strong messages. Pay attention to how you sit versus how others are sitting. Women tend to cross their legs, lean in, and in general 'shrink' and take up less space when sitting - particularly in a room full of men. Try techniques such as sitting up tall, leaning back, opening your elbows, and keeping your eyes level with the other person while you are talking with them. Demonstrate power and confidence - even if you don't feel powerful or confident on the inside. How you hold yourself physically will start to shift how you feel about yourself mentally.
Maggie BBusiness and Data Analysis Consultant
983
04/22/19 at 3:58PM UTC
While I agree with everyone above in encouraging you to make room for yourself in the conversation, I'd also use that data-driven mind to your advantage. During your next meeting, take a tally of how many times you're interrupted during a conversation vs. how many times your male coworkers are. Is it the same? GREAT. Then you're not alone. Is there a vast discrepancy and you're being talked over more than anyone else? Bring it to your manager's attention.
Tarah KeechLife Coach, Leadership Coach, Retreats
559
04/25/19 at 5:58PM UTC
Love this!
Jess StetsonBuilder. Collaborator. Postpartum advocate.
122
04/20/19 at 12:36AM UTC
Agreed with the above. It's SO hard, but so important, to say, "as I was saying," or "let me finish." I hate the feeling it causes in the room full of dudes, but I hate even more not being heard or having what I just said repeated by someone else get the credit. To get through the difficulty, I usually remind myself that I'm helping another woman in the future.
Ariana NunezSprints and meetings in NYC.
388
04/18/19 at 2:46PM UTC
I work with nothing but men who think the women's roles are to be administrators. They've pretty much achieved that but when I have to speak I talk over or say "excuse me" or "hello" then proceed to talk. Works 98% of the time.
Carrie TopolskiEmpowering women and beyond!
2.34k
04/11/19 at 7:15PM UTC
I agree.. time to wake them up. Get loud and say, Excuse me!", I wasn't done speaking and I think what I have to say is important before we get off track. Maybe even make note of who interrupted you and what they said so that you can do a side bar and get back to their points.
Paula R. JosephSource/Manage/Coach/Scale High Performance Teams
1.03k
04/11/19 at 3:27PM UTC
Your instinct that they're not trying to be disrespectful is probably right, but they may not have role models or examples for themselves on how to conduct meetings differently and more inclusively. They're running on auto-pilot and it's time to wake them up a bit.
See if you can find a comrade in the group. Is there one male or female that's in these meetings that you're closer to, or that you interact with the most, or you consider a Leader? If so, talk to them before the next meeting. Tell them the situation and ask for their support. Ask them to notice the next time this happens, THEY interrupt the conversation, and redirect it back to you. "Hey folks, but I think Mary has more to add" or "Mary, don't you have additional data on this topic" would work just fine. And if it happens again, he/she interrupts them again. The pattern will start sinking in to the group and the others will take a step back and pause, and eventually, look right at you to continue without being interrupted.
Does it appear I have real life experience in this? Yep. I do. And this non-confrontational but obvious process worked for me. Good Luck!
Sandra DiazI leverage data and systems to deliver results.
764
04/19/19 at 5:31PM UTC
I would add that if your boss is in those meetings you strategically ask his/her impressions of how you are contributing in meetings, mirror what he/she says, then ask for his/her support to guide the team to listen to and build on your ideas. ex: "Joe, that's a great build on what Mary just said"
Niniane20+ years in federal contracting
341
04/11/19 at 3:21PM UTC
Pick up where you left off, immediately after whoever it is stops speaking. "As I was saying...." Also useful, "please let me finish," "to continue," "getting back to my point." Anything that brings the focus back to you. I have also started speaking at a slightly lower volume, which forces everyone else to be completely silent in order to hear me.
Another thought. Generally, men have a different tolerance for pauses, and will start speaking when you take a breath because the pause means you're done.
You can also head off the habitual interrupters with a preemptive "Michael, I see you have a comment, I need [2 minutes, 5 minutes] to complete my idea, then I'll turn it over to you."
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