How to stop comparing myself to others

Question

I've been doing this in almost every aspect of my life, comparing myself professionally, comparing my health, and comparing my relationships. It makes me feel negative and never motivates me. How can I stop??

Sheann Avery · Answer

A friend of mine introduced me to one of her close friends. The woman appeared to have it all- a great job, loving and supportive husband, and a beautiful home. I was so impressed by this person, especially seeing that she was only a few years older than me at the time. As soon as I was done admiring the life she established for herself, I immediately started thinking about my life and what I should have accomplished by that time- basically using her life as a measuring stick for mine. So not good! But come to find out, what I saw was not really there. The “great job” wasn’t that great at all with a glass ceiling; the “supportive husband” had a wandering eye and the beautiful home was in jeopardy due to the husband’s gambling problem.

Comparing ourselves to others can be so dangerous to our mental health and well-being, and one of the biggest challenges is recognizing the need to have a more positive mind set. (Kudos to you!)

We never know what’s really going on behind the closed doors of another person, which is why comparing doesn’t help. Looking from the outside in doesn’t provide an accurate picture. But honestly, what matters is what’s happening in your home, your life. We are all trying to do our best, and everyone’s best will look different- and that’s okay, in fact, it’s normal. Please take a moment to appreciate what you have- a roof over your head, food to eat, and your wellbeing. This is what keeps me focused on the positive and helps to keep things in perspective. Oh, and one more thing- if you have a little time, check out Dr. Brene Brown. Her podcasts and lectures have really been transformational for me. She talks about vulnerability and using that as a power, comparing ourselves to others, and how everyone’s “best” is just that, and will differ from one person to the next. I truly hope this helps. =)

Wishing you the very best!

Jackie Ghedine · Answer

Comparing ourselves to others  is extremely dangerous to our mental health. Ironically, just like Sheann experienced, the facade on the outside is often just that, a facade and we never know what's really going on.

Think about it this way, if you were running a race, and looked back or in front or to the side to see where everyone else was in the race, you would fall seconds behind every single time, the only way to really perform well is to focus only on yourself.

Every morning, look in the mirror and say to yourself, I'm going to be better than YOU today, which is yourself. What one thing can you do better than you did yesterday?  This is what will really drive your success and keep the envy monster at bay.

It is your life, and it will look vastly different than everyone elses and be proud of that.

We have a fabulous zero-cost guide called The Brand of You Creative Brief. It is a way for you to discover and build your personal brand. I believe this may help you because all of this is stemming from limited confidence. Understanding your true value and what you deliver can bolster your self worth.

If you're interested, DM me your email I will send it along!

Anonymous · Answer

I pay attention to what other have going on for themselves, but I don't consider it 'comparing'.  For example, I may see someone's career or lifestyle that appeals to me and think maybe I can create similar goals. Observing what other's are doing helps me realize what I want or don't want for myself.

Erini Kallias (LoveLean) · Answer

Hi, I'm sorry that you feel this way.

Remember that you are unique, one of a kind, individual, which makes you special and different from anyone else.  If you are able to remember that, it should present a positive vibe to you.

Another thing to maybe consider is a talent that you have?  It may or may not be 'traditional'.  Playing a musical instrument?  Baking or making a dish that no-one else can match?  Needlework?  Speaking another language?  If not, consider learning a new skill that makes  you happy and feel good about yourself.  Or make a positive lifestyle change.

Try to surround yourself only with people who make you feel good and make you happy, this will also help to create a positive environment around you.

Whatever you decide, I truly hope that this helps and you can begin to feel a bit better about yourself.

Take care and remember, you are special.

Caitlin Gearhart · Answer

I agree with what has been said here. It is not necessarily easy to stop yourself from comparing yourself to others but it is possible. Rachel Cruze covers this in her book 'Love Your Life, Not Theirs'. A lot of the book covers how you spend your money but she also covers how comparison is the thief of joy. 
When I find myself comparing something in my life to others and getting down about it (ie: travel, moving to a new city, a new house, etc.) I make a conscious effort to stop right then and think about the good things I have in my life. It always helps and I usually end up feeling more appreciative for what I have. I write down what I want and goals to achieve them. For me, seeing my progress and the reminder of what I am working toward helps a lot. 
Everything is happening at the time it is supposed to and no one can do what you do the way you do it. Thank you for reaching out about this. We all struggle with it from time to time and I think gentle reminders that you are great the way you are are needed on occasion!

How to stop comparing myself to others

Share your insight

Browse recent posts