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Anonymous
05/27/20 at 1:38PM UTC
in
Diversity & Inclusion

My jaw literally dropped after my boss said this

Right now our company is working from home, indefinitely. With two kids at home and no nanny/daycare at the moment, my partner and I are rotating back and forth between calls to be as productive as we can. But as you can imagine, not every call is perfect. While my kids are pretty well behaved, things come up! For example, every so often a kid might be running randomly in the background at any given minute. Or someone starts to cry… I thought I was handling this situation pretty well until my last 1:1 with my boss -- who essentially said my work is slacking and he said, “you're going to have to choose between your job and your family to succeed.” I’m sorry… what??? I almost quit right then and there but I’m still trying to wrap my head around what was said. This week, I’m planning on quitting my job. I have high standards for myself and do not expect to take anyone treating me anything less than what I believe I deserve. Has anyone ever been in this kind of situation before? Any advice on how to go about quitting? I’m already really happy with my upcoming decision but want to make sure whatever I say, actually gets inside his head, makes him stop and question his management style. I’m thinking the kill with kindness approach but any and all advice/ways to go about quitting ideas is welcome. TY!

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Annetta Moses
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1.31k
Consumer Insights and Strategy Leader
06/03/20 at 2:55AM UTC
Before you quit, I recommend that you have another job. I also have a question because of something that you said. Your boss said your work was slacking. Is your work slacking? There is a lot going on right now. I am aware of people who have switched to part-time 20 to 30 hours a week vs 40+. Some managers would prefer to have some of he time of a great worker than 40 hours of work that is below the quality standard. When someone gives me feedback on my performance, I try to see myself through the eyes of the other individual. I could have a person complain that I am always late to meetings. The reality maybe that if I am on time 9 out of 10 times but the one time the person sees me I am late, I am late 100% of the time for that person. I wish you well.
Mina Asif
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124
API Developer
06/02/20 at 4:35PM UTC
So much good advice right here.
Anonymous
06/01/20 at 2:48PM UTC
Before you quit, I’d recommend that you get specifics on what exactly has been slacking in your job duties. I’m assuming someone made a comment to your supervisor one day from maybe an abnormally loud background noise day and he just jumped to conclusions. The VP of my business unit has all 3 of his kids (all under 6 I believe) at home and his wife is an executive at another company and is also working from home. They don’t have a nanny that I know of and you hear his kids all the time but no one cares. We’re all doing our best. My 2 year old stole my headset last week when I was finishing up a meeting and started screaming “mine! I need them!” And I apologized to the woman I was meeting with, asked if she had kids then if she wanted one to try to make a joke. She was more than understanding and my daughter usually behaves, so it wasn’t a common occurrence.
Sara Bruno
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39
Passion for helping others grow in their career!
05/31/20 at 7:12PM UTC
Definitely tell HR! If your company doesn't have HR, provide the feedback with your boss' boss. That is horrible that he said that to you!!
LORI-ANN BURLINGAME
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809
Project Coordinator in Ohio
05/30/20 at 7:27PM UTC
Unfortunately, what you are dealing with is something that many women, and single parents, have had to deal with. It was even worse, when women starting entering the business world in the 60's and 70's. I saw what my mother went through. We were not allowed to call her at the office; for any reason. She was fearful of losing her job. She was divorced and a single parent of four children. Before you quit, you may want to check with your HR department. You may also want to check your employee handbook.
Crystal Rhineberger
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2.29k
professional rofl nevermind lets just wing it
05/30/20 at 1:02PM UTC
Hr is the best approach here. I have heard what you heard a couple times. Now I have a real quick mouth and a sharp wit so my usual response is “you knew I had a child when you met me” However this is not always the best response I have found. But all three times it makes for a hilarious tale. Twice it was enough to be said and I later addressed what felt was lacking in my work and making sure i reach out for feedback (which was REALLY annoying) The last time was a job I wasnt satisfied with but was giving my all. I ended up quitting but my company was closing and I wasn’t going to pay for daycare for 3 months to come out 200.00 ahead I ended up giving my 3 weeks notice and worked right to the last day of school for my son. The manager was very disappointed that I chose time with my son, I regret nothing
MJP
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195
05/30/20 at 12:10AM UTC
There has already been so much great advice, so I won't repeat what's been already shared many times. I will just add that I once had a supervisor that was inappropriate and unprofessional in many ways. I brought it up with a trusted colleague and asked for advice - I had only been in my role/this organization for a few months and wasn't sure what to do or what to expect if I reported it. That person connected me with someone very high up in the organization who told me that they had suspected these issues for some time, but had limited ability to act as people would just quit or transfer teams to avoid the supervisor. So they had struggled to hold this person accountable as there was so little reporting / documentation of the offensive actions. I echo the advice to make a report. Even if there isn't a reliable HR person, at least it's on record and can potentially be a data point that eventually helps them identify a trend.
Judith Richey
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11
05/29/20 at 10:47PM UTC
That was a comment right out of the 1960's. Gender discrimination is against the law nationally and in all states. Ariel S is right...that's what to do... you may feel feel tired now, but actually this could make you feel lousy about yourself later. Push back. Get it in writing, just as the girls are saying. The act of emailing him a list of required explanations and clarifications may back him right up. If he can't smell a potential lawsuit in the making, he's a stupid lousy manager. Send a copy to his peers and boss... then you can quit having taken a stand for yourself. Let yourself feel your own power. A risk well worth it since you're going to bag it anyway.
Ariel Ramirez-Stich
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50
Experienced business admin who nerds out for HR!
05/29/20 at 5:59PM UTC
You should do several things in this situation. 1) Document this in an email and send it to the appropriate individuals if/when you quit. If your boss is at the top, there has to be someone to whom he is accountable (HR, Company partner, other equal manager). But you should wait to quit until you find a new role or the market improves because its hard out there right now. 2) Consider how you want to exit the situation. This is not acceptable in any situation- ESPECIALLY when WFH is being required. 3) It is important to see this not only as bad management, but it is likely gender discrimination. Speak with your male colleagues or other female colleagues who do not have children and ask if any such remarks have been made. Only speak to people who you trust. 4) If this is a pattern, consider reaching out to a lawyer as this behavior has made you feel like you are in a hostile work environment. You may even want to seek compensation when resigning, citing this and other situations which pushed you to quit.
Anonymous
02/10/21 at 10:10PM UTC
Hey good advice! How many employers have you ripped off faking a hostile work environment to cover for your incompetence and bad attitude Ariel? You sound like someone who has been fired or pushed from every job they have ever had. I suppose they don't see how special you are? You probably move all over the world marrying guys who bone other chicks for visas.

You're invited.

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