I worked in a completely toxic, political, hypocritical environment for 7.5 years. The last year I was there was almost unbearable. My supervisor was a narcissistic sociopath who likes to gaslight others. The last few months I was there, she began secretly "investigating" me for no apparent reason and was calling me into her office to harass me at least once or twice per week. I knew she was looking for reasons to fire me, but she couldn't come up with anything. It got so bad, that I asked her flat out why she wouldn't leave me alone.
Every conversation ended with her apologizing and saying she was "pressured" by "other staff members" to hound me, but she would say she knows I'm a great employee and appreciates me. Fast forward to April, and she called me into her office and asked me to resign. (Of course there's a HEAP of details that go along with that, but that would be a whole other discussion). I refused to resign, so she terminated me.
I am now employed by the best company I could've ever imagined. My new coworkers are amazing, my supervisor is super supportive, and the overall culture is like a dream! The only problem is...ME!
I feel like I am paranoid about everything! If I send an email and my supervisor takes longer than usual to reply, I'm wondering if I upset him. I was 7 mins late to our 45 minute Zoom call this morning because I was in a dr. appt. with my daughter, and I almost had a nervous breakdown. I apologized profusely, and even though he was not bothered by it at all, and even expressed that to me, I have been obsessing about it all day.
I feel as though I overthink everything because I was in a constant state of uncertainty at my last job. I thought things were okay, but they never were. No one could be trusted. Others who left my previous organization before I did would tell me how they didn't trust anyone at their new jobs and were always paranoid and in defense mode, and now I understand EXACTLY what they mean.
I'm not exactly sure what to do, but I definitely needed to get it out into the open and hopefully get some feedback. Thanks in advance!