I need your assistance please as I am not sure what I need to do.

113 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 5:01PM UTC

   I hear you, I see you! These situations always suck because the person who “holds control” can do what they want. Have you talked to their superior about the toxicity that is coming from your manager. Always remember that if someone is being ugly to you, and you’ve done nothing it likely has something to do with their personal life. I would do as you said and have someone be a witness to your convo with her before she leaves. Keep doing your hard work and before you know it she will be gone.

2. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 6:37PM UTC

   Thank you so much for your reply.
   Just saying you hear and see me makes a huge difference. She scares me like you can't believe so I will have to pull together all the strength I can find to face her.

3. Chriscodyc1June 7,2022 at 12:22PM UTC

   Also, good thing you have the emails to back you up that she has been informed. Make sure to have those printed and with your at the meeting.

4. CindyJune 7,2022 at 4:27PM UTC

   Never be frarful the anxiety is worse when thimking just be yourself and be honest and calm.

5. CindyJune 7,2022 at 4:28PM UTC

   Fearful

6. CindyJune 7,2022 at 4:29PM UTC

   Sute she cares about ypu like a son

7. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 6:38PM UTC

   First, it sounds like this person is very unprofessional to discuss her dislike of you with your peers. She has threatened to write you up as a last ditch effort to what? validate her bullying ways? Regardless whether you like each other personally, there is a professional decorum she lacks. Absolutely do not sit in a room by yourself with her. Only invite her boss, or an attorney. Then get your resume nice and shiney and get out of there. Noone should work in that type of environment and shame on this person's higher ups that have allowed it. Sorry you are putting up with this.

8. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 6:39PM UTC

   I would most definitely have a third person in the meeting and I would document the damage done with her discussing you with your peers.

   Further, past issues should be brought up fir context.

   Reiterate your desire to work with a clean slate with your new boss.

   You current boss may very well be leaving for cause so she may not be in good standing and wants to burn a few bridges before she leaves.

9. Julie HumbirdJune 6,2022 at 7:35PM UTC

   I'm just here to offer support. I cannot understand why someone would be such a terrible Manager and person. Hopefully her spitefulness catches up with her. Get someone else in that room and be sure to ask her a lot of direct questions related to her discussions about you with others, nasty replies to your emails and why a bitter short-timer should be giving anyone a review.

10. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 8:13PM UTC

    Agree with having next level up present as well. I have never known a company to allow a lawyer present for a performance evaluation .

    I would be prepared to write above your signature on the evaluation that it should be noted that this performance evaluation was done immediately prior to the person leaving the organization and that you had several concerns with the document, which you will more fully document within the next seven days.

    Finally, I would look at the policy on performance evaluations and/or employee grievances. Be sure to follow it. The first day your supervisor is gone, file a grievance for everything you disagree with on the performance evaluation. Ask that it be removed from your HR file, and that you be re-evaluated in 90 days. (Assume your new boss will get it anyway on the downlow. )

    Make sure you and the new boss meet early and establish measurable objectives for every point on your evaluation. Then go about documenting how you are meeting them.

11. AnonymousJune 6,2022 at 9:32PM UTC

    First I'll say that my husband just had this exact thing happen to him a few months ago. Good evaluations previously even though he and his boss didn't get along well, then slammed on an evaluation that was given to him literally one week before his boss left. He was livid, but at the end of the day it didn't really mean anything. It was petty nastiness by someone who was bad at their job and too lazy to do it properly. If there were a real problem, they would have addressed it in a timely manner, there would have been documentation along the way, progressive discipline, or a performance improvement plan. Something. We're pretty sure he did it so my husband wouldn't be promoted to the position. My husband refused to sign it, but ended up not filing a formal grievance because it didn't actually accomplish anything negative (if you don't count not getting promoted - which he didn't because he never seriously considering throwing his hat in the ring for the job in the first place).

12. Crystal HowellJune 7,2022 at 12:14PM UTC

    Peace of mind, respect, and a loving atmosphere for the same job is around the corner. Not worth the stress, get a recruiter let them do the leg work, and promote yourself.

    You are worth it! Good Luck

13. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 2:14PM UTC

    Thank you and I am working on that.

14. Tiana MumfordJune 7,2022 at 12:19PM UTC

    Good Morning

    I’m sorry! I’m lost on words. I would get a third person definitely and do not sign the write up if you do not agree. It can hunt you later if you stay at the company. I wonder if she is out to destroy you . It leaves me with the question why the lady is leaving.

15. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 12:31PM UTC

    Signing it or not signing doesn’t matter. It’s still in your file. It doesn’t mean you agree. It simply acknowledges receipt. I would definitely involve the next level and write a rebuttal to be attached to the warning. Maybe try to have a heart to heart with her first. Be kind and professional. Maybe she’ll skip it. But if it does happen, add your response to the document and move on. Your new boss will likely give you a clean slate. Any good manager, makes their own judgment of how they perceive an employee’s performance. All the best!

16. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 12:32PM UTC

    I am so sorry you are being subjected to a personal vendetta. This is NOT how a Leader should act and they should be ashamed of themselves- they won’t be because they are probably too self-serving. YOU are enough and you need to defend yourself. I agree their boss should be in the meeting, print out all of the emails you sent her. Keep emailing and if she wants a call, do that too. A call cannot be documented but emails are. Write up from your perspective how you have attempted to work together and the challenges you faced. You may not need it but having something to reference while in the meeting will help keep you on point. Good luck and I hope your new manager is not so petty and is a true Leader.

17. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:41PM UTC

    Thank you. I am looking forward to having a new boss and it would be a bonus if he/she were a true leader.

18. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 12:32PM UTC

    Document, document, document and if you can, have someone from your HR team sit in whatever 'evaluation' she is planning on giving you. It sucks that you are having to deal with a person who is so miserable they have to make others around them feel miserable so they can feel better.

19. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 12:34PM UTC

    First….I’m sooo sorry you have to deal with this.

    Second…I am in HR. Something similar happened to me. A new boss (HR manager) came on a week before I left to have my daughter. When I returned a coworker quit within a month of me returning bc of the new supervisor. Then another, then 1 that was hired to replace the first. All the while the new boss was pawning her job responsibilities onto myself and my coworkers. She never gave me my evaluation and when I ask about it there was always an excuse/issue (sometimes manufactured) why she hadn’t/couldn’t get to it. She wrote me up for not finishing a project by Friday at 4:30pm (my leave time) that she gave me at 8am that morning. It was something she had had for weeks and not done. I went to her supervisor 2 times about her and had the write up reversed. After I found a new job and put in my 2 weeks notice she finally decided to give me my annual evaluation which was 6 months late. It was horrible. I just chalked it up to her being horrible/toxic.

    I would ask for a third party (maybe her boss) be there. I would also look into recording the meeting. Documenting everything. Then forget they exist. Try to shake it off and start fresh with the new HR boss.

    good luck!

20. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:40PM UTC

    Thank you so much. I am looking forward to working with the new boss and put all of this behind me.

21. Monique Johnson, Ed.D.June 7,2022 at 12:38PM UTC

    I agree with the majority of the comments here that you should have a third-party in the room and do not sign the write up if you do not agree.
    Hopefully, you’ve documented your interactions with her over time. She sounds miserable and misery loves company. People often want to blame others for their shortcomings or challenges. Continue to remain professional, perform well and do what is in your best interest. Establish good rapport with your new boss. Identify goals and objectives for your performance early on so that you are on the same page. Be sure to take care of your stress level and mental health.

22. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:38PM UTC

    Thank you Monique, I value your opinion.

23. Marisol CaballeroJune 7,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

    Plan ahead. Print all of the emails/texts that were unprofessional. Have a rebuttal ready as well. Have a list of dates and occurrences well documented. Do not meet with her alone. Ask a Chief (if you have that relationship) or the Grievance Officer to join the meeting. Worse case, have an attorney present.

    People like this should never be underestimated so be prepared.

    Best of luck.

24. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

    This is exactly why I keep a project status log and email it to my director weekly. In every performance evaluation, I list what I've done over the past year (number of communications with director, dates of professional learning webinars, etc.). I have never had to actually refer back to this stuff (I get High Performing on all my reviews), but I want everything documented in multiple places. I just feel better having my ass covered.

25. Balanced372207June 7,2022 at 1:15PM UTC

    You are wise...VERY wise. You could teach a course on how to CYA.

26. Kim RaperJune 7,2022 at 1:36PM UTC

    She is doing necessary documentation for sure, and folks could certainly take a tip or two from what she is saying. I have been there before... did the same thing.

27. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 6:32PM UTC

    LOL Thank you.

    Honestly, I just like having a record. I'm in my "F-it 40s" and am too old to be dealing with people who have poor memories and want to look for someone else to blame.

    Also, I am one of those people with poor memories and need the record to help keep my projects in line. ;)

28. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 4:47PM UTC

    I got a project log as soon as I read this and sent it to her on Friday. Her comment was that I spent time making the log and that shows that I am focused on the wrong things. I told her that actually I picked it from a list of templates in Excel and didn't spend any time on it other than downloading it. So, she may not want to see it but I found it really helpful in staying organized as I usually have somewhere around 25 projects going at any time. I will keep using it.

29. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:33PM UTC

    Thank you so much!

30. Cathy AzzarelloJune 7,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

    I wouldn’t sign it but add in your information about you being in contact with by email all of the time.

31. Julie WozniakJune 7,2022 at 1:15PM UTC

    Exactly - DO NOT sign it! And, like everyone is say, ask for someone else to be in on the meetup.

32. Michelle S.June 7,2022 at 1:29PM UTC

    It’s totally acceptable to sign it.
    It’s just like a ticket. You can sign it all day long and it only means that you received a copy and that you were in the meeting. There’s a place for remarks and you should absolutely utilize that space. However, not signing can be seen as competitive or argumentative and if that’s listed anywhere in the write up, it doesn’t help.

33. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 6:55PM UTC

    i was once also asked to sign an "acknowledgment" that accused me of actions i knew to be false. i did not sign bc i did not want the company to take this as an agreement with their accusation. bc that will happen. stop insisting that signing is no big deal. companies protect themselves, not their employees.

34. Julie WozniakJune 7,2022 at 9:54PM UTC

    Exactly!

35. Michelle S.June 7,2022 at 1:30PM UTC

    Just so you know, it’s completely reasonable to sign it. I mentioned below that it’s like a ticket, it just means you received it and you were there. But, there is a space for remarks and comments and you should absolutely utilize that. Refusing to sign it, which is what this person would put in that field if you didn’t sign, can be seen as combative or argumentative and, depending what’s in the write up, that can look even worse.

36. Michelle S.June 7,2022 at 1:33PM UTC

    Because the absolute best thing to be to a completely unreasonable person …is reasonable.

37. Mtrsprtautoltd@aol.comJune 10,2022 at 1:29AM UTC

    THIS⬆️

38. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:31PM UTC

    I sent her 18 email last week and 21 email the week prior.

39. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 12:47PM UTC

    Definitely ask for someone else to be in on the meeting. Since your boss is on the way out anyway and wants to take time to write you up, I find it hard to believe that whomever the new boss is would take it seriously under this context. (Because really, if your boss had a case she would have done something about it earlier, not just leave a write-up in your file as she's heading out the door.)

40. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:35PM UTC

    I would imagine any VP worth their salt will want to make their on assessment of the team.

41. Cyndy TrivellaJune 7,2022 at 1:00PM UTC

    Bad bosses continue to abound everywhere, and obviously, you have the misfortune of having one of them, and for that, I am sorry. The good news is that she'll be gone soon. The bad news is that she's trying to make a stinking mess for you before her departure.

    In short, yes, do find and request that someone in leadership be present at the meeting she has requested with you. Talk to this person before the meeting to help provide context behind the issue and come fully prepared with documentation for that meeting. This meeting should be focused on the problem at hand and how you can prove she has been antagonistic and making a last-ditch effort to harass you before her exit.

    Can you tell us what your performance reviews have been like? We don't know how your company reviews are designed, but if your reviews have been great / good / passable, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. Do you have the emails from her with her snippy remarks? If so, collect them and make sure they are in chronological order. The point here is to show a consistent and deliberate attempt of how she has harassed you in such an unprofessional manner. How did you find out that she is gossiping about you to your peers? Did a peer tell you this? Did s/he tell you what was said? If so, be prepared to bring this up (without naming names) at the meeting and stage it as another example of her unprofessional and toxic behavior.

    By the way, do you know who her replacement is? Is this someone she helped recruit and hire? You need to find this out sooner rather than later. If this is someone she knows professionally (or personally), this can continue to be troublesome for you, as she may taint you to this individual. If so, it may be time for you to begin planning your departure.

    Please respond to some of the questions I've posed. It will better guide us to help.

42. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:27PM UTC

    Answers to your questions: My performance evals have been good. The only thing she dinged me for was time management. She was to find a time management course for me but never did. As I explained to her I wouldn't have a time management problem if I was allowed to do my job instead of party planning. I am the only person on the team to have to do this and I received exactly no help from the team. I still have to party plan but now I do it by committee. This allows me to have as many people on the committee as I feel necessary and I get great input from other departments.

    I do have the emails with the snarky remarks. I also have dates and times of the other events.

    I found out my boss is talking to my peers when one of my peers accidentally copied me on a reply she was sending to my boss. about me.

    Her replacement has not been selected as of yet.

43. Cyndy TrivellaJune 7,2022 at 1:58PM UTC

    Thank you for the additional information.

    So it appears, based on your responses, that you are working on a special project above and beyond your job that involves party planning. Stay positive about this during the meeting if it should come up. State that you are happy to be a team player and take the lead on this project and manage the process. If she brings up her time management complaint, make it clear that you needed time to figure out how to integrate this special project into your workflow and though she offered to help find a time management course, you were able to figure it out on your own. Too much time passed between her offer to help and your own resolution, but you appreciate her offer.

    Collect those emails and by the way, you should also send them to your personal email address just in case they "get lost." Especially the email that you were included on from your peer. This one, alone, should seal the deal on your boss's unprofessional behavior and toxic nature towards you.

    You seem to be well prepared for this conversation.

    Let us know how it turns out and good luck!

44. Audrey NickelJune 7,2022 at 2:35PM UTC

    This is a really good point (I was going to say it but you beat me to it!). Send those emails to your home address and save them on your own hard drive.

    I've been in a similar situation, and it's always felt good to know I had those in hand.

45. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 6:53PM UTC

    I will update everyone after our meeting tomorrow.

46. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:05PM UTC

    Definitely call in someone that is her superior to this meeting. It infuriates me to read that someone on their way out would seek to sabotage you at this point. Seems personal.

47. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 1:13PM UTC

    I believe that it is personal as well.

48. Paula Manczuk-HannayJune 7,2022 at 1:26PM UTC

    What a ridiculous situation. Your outgoing boss sounds like a piece of work. Lots of good advice offered here. I agree that you should invite a third party to the meeting and prepare your rebuttal in advance. I would also recommend sending your rebuttal documents to yourself before hand. And if you have a decent relationship with the third party, to them as well.

    I had a similar situation with a former boss and sent my documentation to a trusted board member just in case. I worked for a nonprofit and reported to the ED so the board member made sense. You never know what may disappear or not end up in your file, especially since this person is HR.

49. Michelle S.June 7,2022 at 1:28PM UTC

    Not at all! And since you’re in HR I’m sure you already know, but please feel free to sign the write up but also, there’s a place for remarks and you should mention the timing and, if she’s never written you up before, the fact that you’ve never had a write up and this coming out of the blue and you find this timing suspicious, unprofessional and upsetting that this would be done two weeks prior to her departure.

50. OLA PETERSJune 7,2022 at 1:28PM UTC

    If she writes you up right before she leaves, this could be construed as retaliation. I would have a convo with your SKIP manager before she leaves. Leave emotion out of it and state the facts.

51. GirlBossanova934974June 7,2022 at 1:29PM UTC

    Oh my heavens. As your boss is running out the door for good, she is still insisting on blaming everyone and everything.......That speaks volumes. I'll bet a month's pay she is also burning bridges all over the company (NOT just you) she is leaving. Well you cannot change "Blaming Betty's" or Finger Pointing Fannie's. Hopefully, the new VP of HR will come in with an open mind. I would. I wouldn't go off of any derogatory reports from someone who is running out the door. As an experience manager, you have to really question that sort of thing. Does this former manager have some sort of axe to grind that she's been waiting to unload and people to get back at?

52. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

    I'm so sorry you're experiencing this! I agree with those who say you should first meet with her boss to show proof of how you have been communicating with your boss and point out these baseless claims. Maybe you can file a grievance for harassment if she goes through with it. It's so unfair! I hope you are able to work this out so it doesn't become part of your record.

53. Milissa JacobsJune 7,2022 at 2:07PM UTC

    It's awful that she is being so unprofessional. I'm sorry. Document, document, document. And it would be entirely reasonable for you to have a third party in this meeting. I believe that she won't be able to lie about you, to your face and know that she will be called out for it. Celebrate when she leaves, you owe yourself a fancy dinner.

54. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 4:44PM UTC

    And some beverages with umbrellas. :)

55. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 2:29PM UTC

    I worked with a manager who had a similar style.

    Oneupmanship was common. Stress level was high. That adage is true, absolute power corrupts absolutely plus bad management ruins good employees.

    As difficult as it can be, stay centered and true to your scruples.

    Agreed, document everything. Save texts, emails. I learned the hard way. Paper trails are proof.

56. EMILY KIKUE FRANKJune 7,2022 at 2:31PM UTC

    Ugh, this stinks! I'm so sorry. As others have said, document everything and ask for a third party (ideally her boss) to be in the meeting. Bring your proof with you and be ready to advocate for yourself. You may get emotional int that meeting, and that's totally okay. She's questioning your professionalism, and that's just not okay. Stay strong!

57. Bradford McCormickJune 7,2022 at 2:33PM UTC

    What is wrong with your manager? Stuff like "I can never reach you" and "I don't know what you are working on." "smells bad" to me. She probably has some cookie cutter idea of what everybody she bosses around should be and do and he has no interest in trying to understand others. A narcissist?

    It's none of my business and I don't know the details. I think I would do absolutely nothing until this person goes away other than do my very best work, be scrupulously polite to everybody including and especially the one person who really needs to be read the riot act, and then see what the sitation is, after her blessed departure (perhaps to a wll-unearned promotion?). Keep your cool. Do not let your emptions hurt you. Two weeks is not a long time; the rest of your life is. You can do nothing abou this person. Again, it's none of my business but I would urge you to not do anything based on your feelings not hard, cold disinterested (which is not uninterested!) rationality

    From what you write, the best thing about this person is that she is going away. Once she is out the door then you will have to assess if the was an aberration of just part of a pattern in the company; if she has done you irreparable harm or if the situation will become more fair minded. She is probably teflon, so anything you do will roll off has and stick to you.

58. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 6:51PM UTC

    I was once told never try to bully a bully because they are better at it. I have documented every interaction with dates, times and the accompanying paperwork. I guess we will see what happens after tomorrow. I will let everyone know what happens.

59. AssistantJune 7,2022 at 2:33PM UTC

    This is beyond stressful. I am so sorry to hear of all of this. Document every interaction.

60. Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)June 7,2022 at 2:44PM UTC

    Sounds like you are in a panic-mode- that’s okay- you are not alone- many of us panic when something we really love (your job) is threatened- it’s okay…
    Ask her to sit down with you and both of you talk this out.
    Do it when you both have come in early. Ask her for suggestions to improve your communication skills-even if you feel you are wrongly accused. If she is a decent person, she should listen &; provide some feedback. If you like, give her a small parting gift & a “good luck” card.

61. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 3:13PM UTC

    It is WAY to late in the game for kissing up. Never reward petty, vindictive behavior. The only thing you can learn from this monster is how not to behave and treat people.

62. Karen GongawareJune 7,2022 at 4:02PM UTC

    Please reread her statement. This woman hates her and wants to destroy her by a last minute write up. Sweetness and goodness do not work in these situations.

63. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 6:48PM UTC

    Trust me I have tried sweetness and goodness and she ate me for breakfast! I will not be doing that again.

64. Bradford McCormickJune 8,2022 at 9:07PM UTC

    If it was me, I would hang in there until this person has left. Be scrupulously polite to everybody especially her who does not deserve it. Don't argue because there is nothing you can do while she is leaving but not yet gone. Do my very best work. Then when she is gone comes the big question: Was she (1) an aberration and the storm is happily over, or was she (2) a symptom of the rest of the place.

65. Ashley BasilioJune 7,2022 at 4:14PM UTC

    I disagree. The woman is insane. I wouldn’t give her the pleasure of knowing you even care.

66. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 3:11PM UTC

    I would speak to her manager and certainly not meet alone or agree to any "write-up" situation. Frankly, I would call her out for harassment before she has an opportunity to write you up. Bitter Betty is juts being vindictive. And it is beyond reproach that this type of behavior is tolerated in an HR Department. My sense is that she will leave a trail unfairness in her wake. Good Riddance.

67. Ashley BasilioJune 7,2022 at 4:13PM UTC

    This! Go directly to her manager. You were already doing way too much “communicating”. No one else would or should expect that. I bet this all comes down to jealousy. She is jealous of you and so she’s going to take her last breath trying to give you a black mark at the company. She is a very pathetic person.

68. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 3:23PM UTC

    I would not escalate this situation by talking about it at work or with anyone who could perhaps gossip back to your vice president. She might be so busy in the next two weeks that she never gets around to doing this write up. However, if she insists upon carrying out what she has threatened to do, I would certainly ask for another individual to be a witness. This is just common sense professional advice. Always get a witness in these types of meetings. But I would lay low right now

69. Karen GongawareJune 7,2022 at 3:59PM UTC

    Do NOT sign any write up. This is just a last bullying jab at you. Her reasons are spurious and hostile. Your emails show you were professional and her responses were not. I cross off everything in a write up that isn't true, is an opinion, or is vindictive. A write up is Just the Facts along with an action plan to fix the issue. She's had 2 years to fix this perceived issue. Hmmm. Waiting until she leaves is a dick move and anyone who has half a brain knows this.

70. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 5:15PM UTC

    Yes. Absolutely do not sign any write up. If she/they pressure you, tell them you want to get some professional advice (as in an employment attorney) and need time to evaluate the write up and form a rebuttal.

71. Doris AppelbaumJune 7,2022 at 7:37PM UTC

    Get some professional advice (as in an employment attorney).

72. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 4:30PM UTC

    OK, please don't come for me but this is what I would do:

    Write out a full timeline of your position and each interaction you have had with your manager. If you have copies of email threads, evaluations, other formal documentation; refer to these in your timeline and prepare supporting evidence of your deliverables. Then put it aside for at least 1 full day. Come back to it and read it as though you aren't involved or get a third-party who can be trusted but objective to provide notes. These notes can speak to areas of deficiency or opportunities to improve and discrepant professional behavior for both described parties. Even if you are only doing this to get the narrative out of your brain and on paper, you will feel like you are doing something to prepare without allowing yourself to be powerless.

    Since I don't know the whole story I can't justify giving you any other real advice about how to proceed, but I think that other commenters have indicated that documentation will always save you, and to not accept anything in writing that is not factually accurate. You have a right to ensuring that permanent documentation about your job performance is an accurate representation.

73. Audrey KirschJune 7,2022 at 4:55PM UTC

    You need to reach out to someone above her stating what has been going on, backing it up with communications and dates. Let them know that you don't feel that a write up is warranted and that you won't be signing it. You can tell your boss as well that you don't agree with her assessment of your performance. Hopefully her replacement will be a better boss for you.

74. Margaret DobsonJune 7,2022 at 6:11PM UTC

    You might also consider doing a self evaluation with copious documentation to back up high ratings in each area. Sometimes the best defense is a strong offense. First, deal with the time management issue by documenting what was supposed to happen and didn't. Then outline what you did to address it. Second, go through a blank eval and rate yourself in each area, with good, concrete examples. This will be very helpful if your departing boss actually skips the eval; you will have great examples to show to your new boss or use if you are applying for the job yourself. This way you will not only be preared to defend against the negative, you will be able to put a positive light on your contributions.

75. FGB userJune 7,2022 at 7:19PM UTC

    She's trying to write you up on her way out? Go above her head - you don't have a choice at this point

76. deuterosJune 8,2022 at 3:49PM UTC

    Go above her head at her new place of employment..

77. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 8:31PM UTC

    Definitely have someone sit in on any meeting with your soon-to-be former boss.

    Sounds like your boss is vindictive and never had true cause to “write you up” before — so she’s going to vent on her way out. Unprofessional and unfair.

    My bet would be that if you involve a third party, in a planned meeting, your boss will change her plans and leave without commenting adversely on you.

    I strongly agree with others that you should respond to any write-up with copious documentation in your favor. I further agree that you should refuse to sign anything that is inaccurate, or respond to the allegations and sign the response.

78. Angela Day DentonJune 7,2022 at 8:34PM UTC

    Definitely have a third party sit in on the meeting. I would also call her with updates like she asks and then follow up with an email. This way you have a written record of what you have told her. I agree that her behavior is very unprofessional therefore you need to protect yourself.

79. Kathryn BuerJune 7,2022 at 9:27PM UTC

    Have to disagree with a lot of this advice unfortunately.
    I WOULD ask for a meeting with your bosses boss simply to let them know there is a pending issue but do not dump a bunch of "proof" on them to justify your side. Choose one or two situations that you can clearly and unemotionally describe and tell him/her that you have documents on both those and other situations but would prefer not to have to play defense unless it becomes necessary later.

    Lastly, do not be surprised if you receive a cool reception. Your supervisor has undoubtedly been knocking you - overtly or covertly - to her supervisor which is why your best play is calm, matter of fact and as unemotional as possible. Do not get down in the mud with her. Good luck!

80. Mtrsprtautoltd@aol.comJune 8,2022 at 1:03AM UTC

    This right here! This is the best advice! Be the bigger person and don’t get in the mud. ☺️

    Good luck!

81. RiaJune 8,2022 at 1:40AM UTC

    Simply the best advice thus far

82. Valentina Huang, MBA, SHRM-CPJune 8,2022 at 2:36PM UTC

    Great advice! I'd also document everything that has happened for your own records; discussions between you and your boss. Date, time and as much detail as possible with facts.

83. Jennie MontañoJune 8,2022 at 2:43PM UTC

    Definitely agree with this advice. Be visible and let them know you have the higher emotional intelligence

84. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 11:42PM UTC

    This is an excellent opening gambit.

    But be prepared to submit the supporting documentation and consider consulting an experienced plaintiff’s employment lawyer to guide your future conduct.

    At the same time, best for you to appear calm, unemotional, matter of fact, and respectful and responsive to management. A good demeanor is to remain soft spoken, profess surprise that this matter has arisen without prior discussion, and to be gently firm in your version while expressing the desire to make improvements.

    NOTE: Consulting a lawyer is especially appropriate if you anticipate that the company is preparing to force you out and you want a negotiated settlement (that is, financial payout to you, non-disparagement agreement between you and the company, so that no one is bad-mouthed.)

    I agree that it is probable that your manager is likely to have influenced more senior managers and the rest of HR against you. That’s another reason to consult a lawyer or lawyers. The first consultation should be free.

85. AnonymousJune 7,2022 at 10:43PM UTC

    I had a similar experience with a manager and can honestly say I had never experienced an issue like that before. It was a lot of manipulation and gaslighting involved. Definitely keep things in writing and share your documentation with HR or someone higher up.

86. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 2:37AM UTC

    I am sorry that you are in this position. I have been in a similar position as well. It is curious that she would do this while she is on her way out. Advice can be all over the place; document everything, lay low, have someone be in the review with you, etc., which makes it hard to know the correct thing to do.

    My advice;

    1) be prepared for the meeting, you can read up on how to deal with difficult managers, how to accept criticism, etc. this will make it easier to stay non-emotional

    2) stay non-emotional and be objective, realize there is an end as she is leaving and that you want to stay professional; you will be perceived in a much better light. Honestly I wouldn't do much rebutting (I know that is hard), but respond with "Could you provide me with some examples to help me understand?". Also, ask for guidance for how to improve (even if you don't agree with the situation)

    MOST IMPORTANT

    3) if she does go ahead with the write up i would request a meeting with her replacement a week or so after she departs. in this meeting be upfront and state that you had this review just prior to your boss leaving (do not bad mouth her) and that you were not aware previous to that meeting that there was a view that you were not communicating effectively with her, however, you want to make sure that communication is clear with your new boss from the start. Then ask the preferred method of communication. Is it daily updates, weekly updates, emails, phone calls, etc.

    Best of luck with this situation. Bide your time and try to see past to when she will no longer be your boss and you can build a good relationship with your new boss.

    Take care.

87. Focused679598June 8,2022 at 4:58PM UTC

    This! ⬆

88. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 11:29PM UTC

    Excellent advice, with one exception: I would include a dignified rebuttal, written respectfully and objectively. That establishes that the original poster made strong efforts to communicate. It is important that an incoming manager have this information.

    ***

    Example of rebuttal:

    -I am genuinely surprised to receive this performance writeup as I have reported to [name of manager] for [length of time] and this matter has never been mentioned.

    -I agree that managers must be fully informed, and I have done my best to communicate my work progress to [name of manager] through the following steps: [list.]

    -I look forward to learning the specific steps that I need to take to more effectively communicate my work progress to [manager] and carrying out these suggestions during the performance review period.

    -In order to effectively implement [manager’s/company’s] specific steps for performance improvement, I would appreciate receiving these steps in writing, along with a list of the metrics that will be used to evaluate me.

    -Thank you so much for your constructive support.

89. Barbara WhiteJune 9,2022 at 9:12PM UTC

    Perfect!

90. Conswaylow WilliamsJune 8,2022 at 6:15AM UTC

    Just as separate as a coaching opportunity

91. Madam anon663June 8,2022 at 7:21AM UTC

    What a dick move on her part.

92. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 4:42PM UTC

    This may be the most accurate thing on the internet! : )

93. AngieJune 8,2022 at 10:56AM UTC

    Have an HR rep attend and attach a written rebuttal to the write-up. Rebuttal should be factual not emotional.

    I had something similar happen to me. During my meeting with the boss and HR manager, my boss at the time was required to sign my rebuttal just like I had to sign the write-up. The rebuttal was attached to the write-up before going into my file. She was pissed. Oh well. The write-up was based on paranoia...things she believed I had done instead of what was actually done.

    Your situation sounds like your boss was looking for a bootlicker and you are being punished for not being one. She's a bully and good riddance.

94. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 7:07PM UTC

    You have understood the assignment.

95. Vesela KrastevaJune 8,2022 at 11:14AM UTC

    I had a similar issue couple of years ago. I had a manager (VP) who hated me. A new SVP came in and later on I understood his task was to restructure the organization. My boss back then made sure that the new SVP will have a bad impression of me even before we meet. Luckily the new SVP was a smart one and wanted to form his own oppinion.

    I lived by the following rules :

    1. Be helpful. Make it easier for the new SVP to learn and adapt. Offer helping hand avd volunteer often.

    2. Be friendly. Find as many opportunities as possible to network.

    3. Be positive. Don't spend time or be seen spending time with disgruntled team members.

    4. Be patient. Wait to gain a solid foothold before creating conflict or debating issues.

    5. Be visible. Show up to work early and leave late for the first 3 months.

    6. Exceed in performance for all measurable objectives. I was trying to meet all targets and if a target could not be met, I was trying to have at least a slightly better performance than the others on my level.

    Of course it costed me more effort, but when the time for the organizational changes came I actually got a promotion and the VP was fired.

96. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 11:09PM UTC

    Good for you for turning this difficult situation around!

    And good for the incoming SVP for giving you a chance and not falling for the VP’s prejudices.

    It has generally been my experience that those who disparage others are the problem. Not always, but usually. The SVP was wise to watch and observe.

97. Jacalyn StatenJune 15,2022 at 4:41PM UTC

    I am looking forward to doing all the things you suggested.

98. deuterosJune 8,2022 at 3:48PM UTC

    Find out their new place of employment and write letters to them explaining how bad a manager they are , and that it was a big mistake to hire someone who is so petty they will sabotage someone the no longer work with.

99. Focused679598June 8,2022 at 4:53PM UTC

    Prospective employers do not like to hear negative things about your previous job. I would give it a try with the new person and if it doesn't work out, start looking. But put the reason for it in positive terms

100. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 11:05PM UTC

     Wow. I would never do this (if nothing else, the bad karma.)

     That said, the vindictive manager might deserve this.

     If the original poster wants to indulge in revenge, I’d suggest doing this anonymously and in a way not easily traceable.

101. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 4:40PM UTC

     I am not interested in karma kicking my butt. I will just work on myself. : )

102. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 1:57AM UTC

     That would make her equally as petty

103. Wanda ShawJune 11,2022 at 5:35PM UTC

     Right. Not worth playing the "tit-for-tat" game. Move on!

104. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 7:04PM UTC

     UPDATE: So this is what happened. I was told by boss would be writing me up for lack of communication. For the record I have never been written up, ever. What she did was put me on a Performance Improvement Plan for 30 days. So, never a write up - straight to a PIP and for only 30 days. She will be remaining with the company as a remote employee for at least 30 days - imagine that.

     I want you all to know that I did manage to keep my mouth shut for the most part which made me proud of myself. LOL Please take away this lesson which is you will not always have fair, just, or competent bosses. Or you may have a boss that reads into things that are just not there. Sometimes it is best to cut your losses and move on to a situation that works better for you where you can be your authentic self, do your very best, and where it doesn't matter if you and your boss have chemistry. I do think my ideal job will be where my boss and I actually do like each other.

     I get that some bosses need you to praise them and don't appreciate strong, independent women. I will not be changing myself to appease these weak bosses. I know my job, I do my job well and I will take that I need to "work on my communication skills" and improve on that. After all, I am not without flaws.

     Thank you all for your support!

105. AnonymousJune 8,2022 at 10:18PM UTC

     I hope that you have an avenue for complaint, because it is obvious that this manager is not in your corner.

     As others have advised repeatedly, document, document, document both what has happened up to now and what happens during the PIP period.

     You might want to contact an employment attorney to see if there is anything that can be done to rectify the situation. Would you like a payout to resign? An attorney is the best vehicle for that. If you go the attorney route, pick someone who has substantial experience with plaintiff-side employment law (that is, representation of the employee, not the company.)

     In addition, your PIP should have clear steps, targets and performance metrics. How will your manager be judging your success? Should another manager also be evaluating your performance? If the metrics are not clear, you have grounds for complaint. (Your attorney could ultimately argue constructive termination — ie the company is trying to force you from your job by making it impossible for you to perform correctly.)

     One plus: your manager will be remote, so interactions will not be in person.

     One other tip: line up your references now and update your CV.

     I am so sorry that this is happening to you.

106. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 4:39PM UTC

     My PIP is clear this is what it says:

     Make sure you change your timecard if you are out. (I am a salary worker so I do not have to input times on a daily basis. I did forget to input one day a couple of weeks ago which prompted this line item. Seems incredibly petty to me but also incredibly easy to succeed on this one.

     Return calls immediately. Our policy says 30 minutes. But, to ensure I am not missing calls I now have my desk phone forwarded to my work cell phone. I really can't answer the phone immediately some days. For instance, I do the New Hire Orientation for 8 hours on Mondays. I am the primary speaker so I have to be in that room and away from my phone.

     Schedule appointments in advance. Well, of course I schedule appointments in advance. So, I will send her and invite to any appointment I need to go to so she can approve or not. She does know that I have a "disability" as I am a diabetic. My diabetes is hereditary unfortunately. So, I do have to go to a physician every 3 months. I changed doctors so that my office and my doc are only 1 mile from each other so I don't really see this as a problem.

     I will do all I can to make this succeed and see if I can hang on until the new manager arrives.

107. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:43AM UTC

     Wow. What a miserable human being. Make sure you document EVERYTHING! Every gesture, comment etc. You are in a hostile work environment and being bullied. Try to talk to an employment lawyer or get employment legal advice. Talk to EEOC. Do not go to the company's HR people. They (HR) are looking out for management and probably assisted her with the PIP. Having said that, does the company have HR policies you can look at?

108. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 4:25PM UTC

     Our HR policy sucks to be honest. As per our policy, management can write you up, put you on a PIP or a couple of other things or just terminate you. This policy will get someone into trouble one day.

109. Nicola BanksJune 10,2022 at 3:39AM UTC

     List all your things in teams or within some tracker software in the next 30 days... invite your boss....

     Bucket your tasks into - Today, Tomorrow, To do in the future, To delegate. Update the outcomes of your tasks each day... (transparency right?!)

     Invite your boss to contribute positive comments in the team space (PS - you have the screen shots to prove silly comments) .

     This way, you can have a constructive conversation about how you manage your time with your new supervisor and how they like to manage and how you like to be managed in the first week or so.

     You're not bagging your old boss - you're outlining your boundaries and what you need to be a successful employee.

110. Wanda ShawJune 11,2022 at 5:34PM UTC

     You've nailed it correctly when you said this: "Please take away this lesson which is you will not always have fair, just, or competent bosses."

     For every great manager, there are many more marginal ones. Some network their way into leadership without doing the hard work to get to that point. While others unwillingly are forced into the role due to a sudden organizational change. Not saying that great managers can't come from situations like this, (sometimes they do) but not too often. Just my opinion, of course.

111. Cyndy TrivellaJune 10,2022 at 12:37PM UTC

     Thank you for the update!

     Good luck with the next 30 days and please know there is a place for you in the workforce. It may not be this place, but the right place for you does exist.

112. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 1:44PM UTC

     I understand your situation, and have also been on the flip side where I had been a Chief People Officer having an HR Manager reporting to me. She did her own duties and that was it. If I asked her what she was working on, she would tell me. However, on occasion, if I asked her to assist w/ some other items, 'sometimes' she would take them on and other times she did not. WTH? What I would recommend to you is to ask your boss what HER preferred method of communication is that she would like with you (phone, email, zoom). More importantly, have you ever tried going to her in asking to take on additional projects and/or if she needs help with anything? My HR Manager NEVER came to me in doing that. While I was climbing the Corporate ladder I would be a sponge in offering to help others so that I could learn more from them and/or the experience of the project. Try to hang in there while on the PIP in appeasing her during those 30 days until the new boss comes in and then shine like a diamond in helping your new boss out to become successful. Because in the end, it makes you BOTH successful. :) Good luck!

113. AnonymousJune 15,2022 at 4:49PM UTC

     You have some good suggestions here that I will definitely use. Thank you.