134
© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.
Challenging Coworker
Hi everyone! I have a junior colleague who is perceived somewhat differently by management than by the individual contributors on our team. Management recognizes that she has some growth areas, but they don't realize the negative impact her continued lack of EQ is for everyone who has to work with her.
I don't work with her that closely, even though I have observed these behaviors repeatedly, but as a senior member of the team, I'm trying to determine the best way to make management aware of how she is perceived on the team, especially because she could be up for a promotion in the near future. Should I encourage those who do work closely with her to speak up? Should I get their buy-in and act as a mouthpiece for them? I think this has become a significant enough issue that staying silent is not an option.
I would appreciate any advice and can certainly elaborate if you have any questions.
Thanks!
Tami Holzman
94
11/26/20 at 5:01PM UTC
I agree that speaking with her directly is the way to go. However, I think bringing her a laundry list of examples could be a recipe for her becoming defensive. Feedback is always better when it's immediate and specific. Have you witnessed any of this behavior? Could you create a situation where you do, and then speak with her immediately after? You could then use it as an opportunity to offer to coach her rather than having her feel attacked - offer to be a resource if she needs help responding in situations with her peers.
Paula McCabe
179
11/13/20 at 10:18PM UTC
Whether you choose to speak to her directly or to speak with your shared supervisor, you need to document specific instances (2-4) where her lack of EQ has produced a negative encounter/outcome. Her behavior/language may seem irritating to you but if isn't impacting productivity or adversely impacting the brand, management may not care too much. If that's the case, you may come across as petty or nitpicky. Demonstrating that your concern is for the good of the organization will likely make your message better received.
Janice EnochAssociate Director
81
11/10/20 at 10:31PM UTC
I think you should have a talk with her directly instead of going straight to management. Give her a chance to discuss the issue with you first.
Retired happy
558
11/06/20 at 4:55PM UTC
Part of this is more of a side note on EQ. Some organizations and people don't put much stock in it. Employees and managers will get promoted on the results they provide no matter how. When I taught EQ training or mentored staff on EQ I would get eye rolls. I agree that there is no easy path to navigate but I would talk to her directly first and see if she can initiate a conversation to management on her on. Approaching management can be dicey depending on your relationship to management. Do you share the same managers? If you do approaching that manager might help. If you don't share the same manager I would be careful about approaching her manager. My experience in management is that you should always go thru your line management to avoid be perceived as doing an end run.
Sarah Farnsworth
30
11/06/20 at 12:38PM UTC
So much to unpack here. I’d suggest first writing down your observations not colored by what others have said to you. It’s important that your conversation with her reflects your observations and not what you’ve heard. Sit down with her — I’d do it in an non-threatening place without a desk between the two of you. Use it as an opportunity to review her work- what’s well done and what you’ve observed she needs to work on. Go through your list not referring to what others have ‘said’ to you. Use phrases and tools to give her the opportunity to respond. If and only if she feels comfortable addressing your perception of her EQ deficiency work together to come up with a plan to begin to work on it. It may be that others don’t cue off her while expecting her to cue off them.
AlisonDEntrepreneurial community creator & manager,
20
11/06/20 at 12:25PM UTC
I’d definitely speak directly to her. It’s difficult to know the problem without knowing more about her “lack of EQ.” Is it a cultural difference? Does she have some form of autism? Is she shy? Is someone at the company,/ on the team bullying or picking on her? Is the team extremely touchy-feely and very high EQ, making it prefer those equally up? Okay, now backing away from putting it all on the team...!!!
If she’s new to working in the business world she may be clueless about how to communicate and be at work, if that makes sense. An honest heart-to-heart with a higher-level, caring manager like you will make a difference. Apparently she’s good at the work itself, otherwise why talk of promotion? But she’ll only go so far.
If you can get her to open up a bit, explain the mood of the workplace, what’s expected and hoped for beyond KPIs, and then perhaps suggest weekly lunches between her and a different colleague each week? IDK how big the team is, but that may build good relationships. I suggest one at a time so EQ Woman doesn’t feel like a third wheel if she goes with two besties.
Almudena Mateos MerinoSenior energy sector professional
13
11/06/20 at 11:34AM UTC
I have suffered personally the lack of EQ with a colleague that, at the time was my immediate superior/project manager. Since I was a junior member of the team, I decided not to speak to our unit manager about it as I felt it could negatively affect him. However, after some time, it became clear that this colleague's behavior was taking its toll not only on me, but also other junior team members that worked with him. We were lucky enough that a more senior member of our team (i.e. another project manager) realized what was happening and decided to bring it up to our unit manager, as he understood that this was creating a toxic work environment. As a response, our unit manager called for individual, confidential meetings, with all the junior and senior staff who had worked with this particular colleague who lacked IQ, which convinced him that there was indeed an issue with this person. As a result, he took some measures to ensure that this colleague would get proper coaching/training and showed a change in attitudes before he would be considered for any promotion. In addition, he allowed junior staff who did not feel comfortable working with him to change project teams. In a nutshell, it was the action of a more senior team member that made our voices heard and enabled change. So my suggestion would be to act as the "voice" of your junior colleagues, maybe suggesting to your manager that they would be willing to come up on a confidentiality basis to discuss their experience (if they have previously agreed with you that they would do so). Hope this helps!
Nicole Podcaster. Speaker. Tech Leader.
309
11/05/20 at 11:13PM UTC
First, what are her actions that concern you? Many times we have unconscious biases of others that can influence how we digest their performance, and when you seek the root of your dissatisfaction, there may present growth opportunities for everyone involved.
Natalie H.
33
11/05/20 at 10:58PM UTC
I would definitely get to know her more before going to her supervisor. We tend to finish the “story” and most often our version is incorrect. Have compassion for people. Who knows what she’s got going on personally that could be affecting her performance.
Amalia FrancalangiaAdvocating for Top Talent in the US
134
11/06/20 at 4:28PM UTC
I actually do know her quite well; we have been working together for 5 years, we just don't work as closely together as the other admins on the team, who are the one most impacted by her behavior, so that's not really the issue here.
Anonymous
11/05/20 at 10:27PM UTC
I appreciate that you want to be a champion for this. I think your workplace politics would inform whether you can talk to her, talk to management, and/or encourage someone closer to her provide feedback. You could even do nothing and see if it gets sorted out by the promotion and additional accountability.
A person with little to no EQ being promoted? Welcome to my toxic workplace. If mgmt hasn't seen her lack of EQ, then ironically they lack EQ (and she'd be a great fit!). I have an especially toxic team member who my mgmt dotes on. I've done what I could to ensure respectful treatment for myself and would love to coach him in general if I had that authority (he's not a friend). My current manager lacked EQ and was promoted (many times). With my feedback and insistence, he is improving his EQ. Maybe the person at your company will have a high EQ employee to help her out. ;)
© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.