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I'm looking for a new job and began my search.

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Anonymous

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I'm looking for a new job and began my search. But I'm already deathly afraid of reactions to my resignation. My manager doesn't deal well with stress and micromanages. It's a critical time for us right now, and I'm leading some major changes and initiatives, and my leaving could leave my team and my manager in a tough place, at least in the short term.

But this place is not a good cultural fit for me, and I want out as it's impacting my own health. I need to look out for myself first, right?

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  1. Anonymous

    Your managers ability to manage their stress and your team's comfort is not your issue. Just as they decide to stay put and hang on, you have the same decision.

  2. Anonymous

    Exactly. You first. You do not stay at a place because you are worried about their reaction. You leave because of this.

  3. Becca Carnahan

    Good for you for beginning your search!

    It's perfectly understandable that you're worried about the reaction of your coworkers, but I always ask clients who gets to be in the room with them when they make decisions. Lots of people COULD be in the room when you make decisions about your career, but in reality it's only a very small handful of people whose opinions weigh into what you do next.

    So picture who is in the room in your head right now, decided who gets to stay, and politely escort others who aren't invited out so that you make the right choice for you and your family.

  4. Anonymous

    The short answer is yes, you need to look out for yourself first. If/when you find your next position, be professional in your departure. They will be ok.

  5. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    "My manager doesn't deal well with stress and micromanages. "

    That's their problem - don't make it yours.

    Of course you have to look out for yourself first. How is this even a question.

  6. Anonymous

    Your response was good right up to the judgy end comment. It's a question a lot of people have. Some of us to actually care about the people we work with and the potential impacts of decisions we make. Sometimes we are just looking for validation that caring about others is okay. Apparently for you, it's not a consideration at all.

  7. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    Nope. No one said anything about "caring about others" being okay.

    The question was "I need to look out for myself first, right?"

    The answer to that question is ALWAYS yes - ESPECIALLY when it's impacting the OP's health. Again - how is that even a question.

  8. Anonymous

    Just because you don't agree with someone asking the question does not make it an invalid question. Sometimes people are just looking for reassurance. Your snotty 'how is that even a question' does not help people. I've seen other comments you've posted and I have to say, I would never work with you.

  9. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    LOL! I am totally ok with that!

  10. Anonymous

    Wow, just wow.

  11. Anonymous

    Do you what you can to make the transition easier for your colleagues. Create clear documentation of where things stand and what still needs to be done. Do you best to leave in good standing without burning bridges. That may be impossible with some managers, but at least your colleagues can still think well of you.

    As others have agreed, you need to be somewhere that's not harming you. In the long run that's not good for anyone.

  12. Anonymous

    No ma'am. Your manager's ability to deal with stress is on them. As long as you leave professionally, then it's up to them to deal with it, not you.

  13. Zeecil Kimmel

    When I was thinking of leaving my former company I had similar thoughts about how hard it would be for the others etc. etc. Fast forward a year - I found a new job I am here a year and everyone managed to work it all out without me. Think only about yourself - that is what everyone else is doing.

    Best of Luck on your search and landing your next role.

  14. Sarah Borders

    You are right! I have been in a similar situation before, facing the same issues with a manager who doesn’t handle change well and can micromanage (even admitted to being a micromanager!), and I dreaded giving my two weeks’ notice.

    It’s noble and understandable of you to be concerned; you’ve put a lot of work into your current role and those major initiatives, and if any of it fails after you leave, it’s normal to feel like that failure will be tied to you.

    To mitigate those feelings, come up with a plan for transferring your responsibilities until they can hire someone to replace you. Offer your proposed plan with your notice, and you can use that as a jumping off point for planning your exit.

    All you can do is do your best to set them up for success; the rest is up to them.

  15. Anonymous

    You always come first. Definitely send your resignation in writing and let them know it was a hard decision but you got recruited away for something new and great. Then drive away and don't look in the rear view mirror....

  16. Paulla Fetzek, MSEd

    I'll chime in with the others. It's never beneficial to stay at a job you don't like, You've already noted it's taking a toll on your health. As difficult as it may be for you to find a new job, I would hope you do look for one. You most certainly do have the right to look out for yourself first.

  17. Caroline Castrillon

    The short answer is yes. Look for a job, and when you get a good offer, just provide at least two weeks notice. You've got this!

  18. Anonymous

    Yes, look out for yourself! And do so without guilt or second thoughts.

    Your company will find someone to assume your role. How well or rapidly they fill your position is their concern — not yours.

    If they were concerned about retaining you, they should have made efforts to assure your well-being.

  19. Anonymous

    Yes, you are your own #1! If you don't put yourself first, no one else will. The fear of reactions is in your mind. You don't know what the future holds and how other people will react, so don't put energy into that. Focus on you and what you want in a positive, supportive, new work environment. Put positive energy into that, and no matter what happens when you resign - it's not your problem! Good luck.

  20. Celena Barton

    Don’t be afraid! Feel empowered for taking charge of your own career path and happiness!

  21. Michele Chambers

    Do what is best for you. Your team will adjust accordingly.

  22. Anonymous

    Try to change your mindset. Your next step is hopefully an exciting and interesting new opportunity and it will make you feel better to embrace your future and not focus on where you are now. Of course your boss will be upset, because your leaving causes them problems. If they actually cared about you, they would encourage you to grow and develop into a new role (and recognise that the current role is hurting you). If the exact opposite is true, which sounds likely, then you should not care about their reaction. What do you think will happen when you resign? You say you’re ‘deathly afraid’, but of what? The worst they can do is start screaming at you. And if they do, they are clearly a sick person who deserves none of your attention or care. You can always tell them calmly that either they will stop screaming at/verbally attacking you, or you will leave immediately and will not be able to hand over your position correctly.

    I’ve found it helpful in the past to write down different possible scenarios of your boss’s potential reaction and how you should react - it helps externalise the situation. But if you’re in a position where you genuinely feel in danger, you should get out as soon as possible, even if that means calling off sick and giving your notice while you’re out sick (and I’d seek external help if this is the case too!)

  23. Queen Smalls

    Start putting a succession plan in place and if you’re a senior leader give a month’s notice before you leave. The company you’re going to should understand. I hope you find a good fit and compensation package soon

  24. Jill

    Don't be -- you don't owe anyone anything. The company would not hesitate one moment if they were planning to let you go -- you should not hesitate. Do what is right for you.

  25. Misty

    Here's a different spin on things- do you know what YOU want to do? If you can hang on a little while longer (or quit, if you can afford to), check out https://www.48dayseagles.com/. Take 48 days to find yourself and your passions. Work doesn't have to be boring! This is for you and anyone else wanting a change.

  26. Anonymous

    If you resign and your manager doesn't react well, doesn't that just reinforce that you're making the best decision by leaving? Any manager needs to be prepared that any of their staff could quit/leave at any time and needs to have adequate staffing and backup plans to deal with it. If your manager hasn't done so that's not your problem.

  27. Alexis Gladstone

    Yes, you need to look after yourself. If you don't no one else will.

    If it makes you feel better, start putting together extra documentation and how-to's for when you do get your next, exciting role. What needs to be completed, how, when, etc.

    I have found that every time I've left a job, the team does just fine. There may be some bumps in the road but they will manage. As for how your manager reacts to stress, again that isn't your problem. l

    Change your mindset to focus on the interviews rather than worrying about the team and projects.

    Good luck .

  28. Suzanne Luscombe Chambliss

    Right! Your employer needs to do what is best for them, and you need to do what is best for you. Simple.

  29. Anonymous

    Absolutely look out for yourself first - and remember that we're not on this planet to work work work. Everything is gonna be OK :)

  30. Jacqueline Cutler

    You've already made the decision that you need to leave. Your fears are not unfounded, but you must protect your health. Do everything possible for the

    old company, leave great memos and ideas, and exit gracefully. Best of luck!

  31. Stephanie H. Wical

    Did you volunteer or agree to something but are now backing out? It may be you are just a benchwarmer until someone they like applies. Happens all the time in higher education. I was forced to leave higher education and a neighbor bought the necklace I am wearing in this picture when my shit was auctioned off on EBay. Jeff Bezos, go fuck yourself!

  32. Anonymous

    Girl, what?

  33. Kathy Leski

    You need to do what's good for you! I would, in preparation of leaving, ensure you take some extra time ensuring there are no gaps of info that only you know. From there, you've done the responsible thing and it's up to your manager to deal with it. Trust me, if it were the other way around, there would be no "notice,' just an immediate action.

  34. Anonymous

    Absolutely look out for your rights first!! At the end of the day you are only their employee and no matter how nice they may seem they really don't care. If it is impacting your health and you don't see improvement on the horizon it is time to go. Don't be afraid of their reaction - what are they going to do? By law you have to get paid what you worked and once you are gone, you can block them and never deal with that again. I left a company after 19 years that had become extremely manipulative, toxic and passive aggressive. It was brutal. I have been gone almost a year and I have never been happier. I have no stress, my health has improved and I can't believe I let them hurt me for so long. No job is worth that. I did leave a co-worker that I loved and I hated to leave her with all the work, but I also told her to get out when I left. It's on them if they stay and put up with it or if the manager is a awful person - that is not your fault or responsibility. Don't let fear control your decisions. Check out some music by Jason Gray. I found him very helpful in my tough situation to ease my mind and assure me that things will get better.

  35. Cheryl Naasko Pounds

    You're treating this as if it's a marriage with kids. It's not.

  36. Anonymous

    You should look out for your employer first and put yourself second.

    Your first priority is to your job and coworkers, let your health suffer as you take care of others first. See how ridiculous this sounds?

    Who gives a shit what your manager says! NOT your responsibility to help her manage her stress. You're also not responsible for staffing issues at this organization. Their poor succession and redundancy planning is a THEM situation. Not for you to solve.

    Do you have some uncomfortable conversations ahead of you, probably. Sounds like the worst that could happen is they escort you out of the building once you give notice.

  37. Anonymous

    When in doubt remember “your urgency is not my emergency”. All the best for your next adventure!

  38. Heather Cutler

    I could use this phrase every single day!

  39. Anonymous

    Deal with your mental health issues first. But stay on the team until you can successfully complete your projects. Then you can leave with big successes you can talk about in your interviews and the satisfaction of knowing you did it. You CAN win all around and your company will thank you, wish you well AND keep the door open for you. Good luck.

  40. Anonymous

    This person didn’t say they have mental health issues. The job seems to be the burden on their mental health. Projects often overlap without a clean break between them. Encouraging this person to stay in a bad situation to help the company is short sighted advice.

  41. Angelica Alvarez-Ibarra

    I’ve always found people feel more loyal to their employers/workplace than your employer/company is to you. If there were budget cuts tomorrow, they’ll do what’s necessary. I say take care of you. I would see about giving enough notice so you feel comfortable tying up loose ends and leaving your team with direction, without of course jeopardizing your new position and when they need you. I do think most employers understand new hires may need a few weeks to wrap up anything pressing in their current roles. But again, you have to do what works best for you and your future because your current employer would do the same. Good luck!

  42. Anonymous

    Please leave and take care of yourself. THESE COMPANIES DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. You WILL be replaced within 90 days. They’ll be fine.

  43. Anonymous

    No one is going to be alarmed. Trust me they'll be just fine and so will you.

  44. Susan Myers

    Absolutely - I have made the decision to stay multiple times that cam back and caused instability in my physical health as well as my mental health. Congrats on taking the first step and moving forward.

  45. BeaBoss988740

    I recently left a toxic micromanager and gave 3.5 weeks notice. They hired a temp which I trained on one critical component of my job which no one knew how to do. That temp left. Then I trained another, and she left. Guess it was too toxic for all! Anyway I was on cloud nine after I gave my notice and am sooo happy, relaxed and healthier now. However they didn’t pay me for my last week so I’ll be filing a complaint!

  46. Peggie Arvidson * Career Consultant | Adoptee Advocate | Recruiter

    Have you received a new job offer?

    If no, then you're putting the cart before the horse.

    And would your team resist moving ahead to save your feelings?

    So

    Wait til you have a bonafide offer, then write your resignation and don't be surprised if they tell you to leave and not let the door hit you on the way out.

  47. Patricia Manroe

    If it's so bad that it's affecting your health, I would get out of that situation. They will survive without you. Don't let that worry you.

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